Dream Journal

Context: My parents are in the middle of an ugly divorce.

Perhaps a very meaning-filled dream. It’s Xmas eve. Dan’s all happy about almost getting married and I’m disgusted because he’s not even divorced yet. (The replacement of my parents is haunting. The divorce is troubling me.) So he has all these new traditions for Xmas (he’ll surely lose himself into whoever he marries) like putting candy in eggs. The present I opened Xmas morning was from Cathy/Amy/Heidi, and I thought that was weird. Inside was a bunch of things I didn’t want, treated like valuables. Written on foil were signatures of people in high school who Heidi assured me didn’t hate me anymore. I didn’t remember half of them and couldn’t care less anyways. There was a letter from Joleen that I never opened either.

Then I got in the car with Jess and realized that unwanted clothes, stuffed animals, and toys had been haphazardly packed up into suitcases in the car. There were even some bathroom supplies, including a half-used container of birth-control pills. We were now in an area like the ranch area of Maui. Jess drove us out one side of the circular driveway and we were going to go back in the other, but she missed it. I was kinda surprised by her lack of driving control, and she turned and missed it again. Then we were talking and she missed it again and she turned down this steep tractor road in a cornfield. I was going nuts and told her to get out and let me drive. She was sad like she’d failed. I complained about how I was missing Xmas day because of this nonsense. We ran out of gas and I tried to fill the tank with lawnmower gas but it didn’t work.

Then this guy at a house went on a rampage about his horrible situation which was much worse than mine. He seemed to be a background character in my dream and his interaction was surprising and unexpected. Suddenly Josh R and some others appeared. I called Josh “Josiah” by accident. They heard my situation and accidentally revealed that “they’d been waiting all day” and I looked to Jess with surprise. “You were trying to take me somewhere!” She was upset that I figured it out but we all decided to continue on foot anyways.

Josh and company turned into Dan’s side of the family. Dusk set in, and the countryside began to take on the feel of the steep angular mountainous green flying lands. I was upset at all the wasted time and was bashing branches against old dead trees. Aunt Janet immediately came to my side and told me to stop it and be careful, expecting me to obey. That made me so mad, I yelled at her and dragged her by her leg to a fence and bashed her bitching body against it while she continued to complain. Then I threw her off an incline. I began to bound ahead to try and fly, but fell. She said I was just being a weird nasty freak. I leapt into the air, getting higher up and farther away. The scene became my old backyard — always a take-off grounds — and I was flying. I even carried Janet on my back while flying. We went to Dairy Queen (where my house was). I flew up above everyone. Rebecca appeared and asked if I could carry her, so I did, cradled in my arms.

Then I tried to order a banana split. “Can I have a banana split?” The older semi-foreign man said “A cookie?” and got me a cookie. “No, not a cookie, a banana split.” The old man looked up at the menu display, heated a cookie in the microwave and gave it to me. “No, not a cookie.” The person behind me told me to explain what a banana split was to the man, so I did. He got the manager, who looked it up in her files and said that they had no bananas.