I have been practicing seeing with my eyes closed, but I often forget when I wake up. I’ve been in dream classes, in training. I’m realizing that the dream self is me. I’m learning to recognize the shifts of consciousness. I will do this.

First attempt. . . . Release, release, don’t try. If I try to see, then I project an image. Relax, breathe, release. I felt REM coming and going. I found myself in Mario Land, because I was playing it today. I was seeing fantastic new boards, new integrations, new characters, the land bobbing up and down, and a high speed circling platform. I saw colors blazing, splitting into 3 layers. I felt hot and saw Mario fire wheels, too.

As I drift deeper, Mario World varies more and more and crosses into nearby styles. It becomes 3D and integrates more things into it. An egg bounces rapidly between 4 different panels, the viewpoint rapidly following the egg.

I must also mention as I fell asleep, I felt a weird sensation of being pulled out, like spacetime stretching, turning me inside out and trying to hurtle me forwards. It was pulling from my adrenal area near my belly and heart. It felt like perspectives changing, like the whole world was getting bigger or smaller in comparison to me.

I have been watching closely, yet it is fleeting still. I have no memory of a dream, but I remember thinking “Yes, I see it working.” At times there is a desire, then everything turns to dots and I feel pulled somewhere where my desire is easier to attain. Remember: green, red, and yellow concentric circles like at the end of Mario World. There are different ways of experiencing. My attention and excitement is high. An almost awake mind, with a closed, sleeping body. I saw what looked like a high school counselor and got recognition and my energy flew up and I went moving through all this stuff. Wish it was more specific.

I have been watching closely, yet it is fleeting still. I have no memory of dreams, but I remember thinking “yes, I see it working”. At times there is a desire, then everything turns to dots and I feel pulled somewhere where my desire is easier to attain. Remember green, red, and yellow, like at the end of Mario World.

My attention and excitement are high. My mind felt almost awake, my body asleep. I saw what looked like a high school counselor and got recognition and my energy flew up and I went moving through all this stuff. . . . I know I was getting answers to questions.

Why are my visions, my seeing without using my eyes, always so inaccurate? The picture comes in clearly and with a surprise I realize what I’m doing. . . . But there was a picture and frame on the wall we never had, or Buttercup’s in the wrong place. Am I seeing? Or projecting?

And as I was falling asleep, I noticed the makeup of my sight was dots and lines and acid patterns (like my Grateful Dead shirt). And the moonlit dreams were vivid and crazy but I don’t remember.

Falling asleep, I saw very vivid images as I tried to remain lucid. Shimmering purple veils rapidly transformed into dreams. Hard to keep control of the rapidly changing topics.

Falling asleep, satori: Satori was focusing in center, then moved to the upper left. You can shoot the energy off somewhere. Reverse the Satori’s direction and it makes the body feel dull/numb/sick. Then dream vision is a GRID. I lay down the grid so I can write.

Dream sight experiment this morning. I kept seeing unreal cartoony scenes. Then I got the room.

Awake: I’m feeling warm and happy, talking, under soft lights, falling asleep, and then. . . . This is the happy realm. . . . This is the Dark Tower as I think about doing work. . . . Each place corresponds with a kind of thought. Makes sense, but I’ve experienced it now. So strange how dream context appears and takes over. It just slides in and BLAM, it’s a dream. I act a certain way only in each dream locale, with a certain sort of consciousness. A certain kind of need fuels it. I’m only ever here because of this.

Falling Asleep: Satori waves also seem like bright, bright searchlights from one perspective, that wash over you in cycles until one is bright enough to serve as a gateway and dreams appear through the light.

I did really well holding onto consciousness last night. I kept waking my consciousness as I sunk deeper and deeper. I was determined. I got great visuals: black satori and then sparkling fields of transparent purple and black. Then dreams kicked in. At the very beginning I was controlling them. There was a painting of fish. Then there was this black and white biological design, like neurons or something in a petri dish.

Falling asleep: The dark sparkle-field is really beautiful. After a while the deep purplish black waves of the satori seem white. And I saw such hot-spots! They were like glowing, pulsing neurons. What you’d imagine was based on the shapes and patterns of those pulsing colors. These colors are odd in that they can be shifted to any color scheme or depth pattern. From this a montage of dream imagery came forth. I found a direct correlation between breath and consciousness. Breathing empowers consciousness. Fear stops your breathing and freezes your consciousness on a thought, pulling you out of the flow and the now.

So I kept breathing deeply and went deeper. The initial dream images were based on the satori pattern, which took the form of a water hole with trees around it. Alice from Wonderland ran out of the water hole. I tried to interact with her but I didn’t feel like I was actually there. I could sort of warp aspects of the dream but it kept going on crazy.

There was a waterfall shaped like a fish, and more. The imagery in these was very clear and vivid. I must have lost it around here.

Falling Asleep: My attempt to hold my focus was more difficult last night. Very quickly images of girly comic book characters flooded in and grabbed my interest (no sex all week), so I lost my focus.

I had crazy dreams all night. I remember very little, as I slept in.

Hemi-Sync Evening Meditation: Dreams almost appeared once or twice. There was a short appearance of a point of light, a feeling of spinning, and the sound of a two-toned horn throughout. Other than that, frustrating.

I dreamed of my heat-sensitive color-changing mousepad and also an inverse one that was white and which left pulsing rainbow patterns that shifted into fractals when touched. I was trying to decide between the two and I picked the one I have.

Falling Asleep: Every night I try holding my attention for as long as possible. Last night I was chanting awareness songs. I was being so brilliantly creative! Masterpieces of art and writing came to me — ideas of painting, stories, characters, stained glass, humor — it was endless, enrapturing, beautiful. The visual background was waves of hot energy swirling like seaweed in a current.

I see a repeating pattern of wine glasses then little boxes that were glowing purple. They’d come out towards me and translate into a scene. There’s a point where all colors are equal, where the gradients and color schemes are applied and created by you. It’s a field of potential. They are just the first parts of the image seen, or maybe the image forms around the hot spots. Dreams are right beyond the veil. The wine glasses were neurons in disguise.

Sometimes, when first beginning to relax, there are separate waves on the left and right, going one after the other. This time they were peeling off to the top. After some time, they align and converge in the middle, as one. The waves are very crystalline, electrical. Then my breathing got really deep and my throat was blocked so I had to move and then lost it.

How to see it with eyes open: Stare at stucco. When vision turns from black and white to a dark and purple glow, range expands and the waves appear. Startling or shifting causes them to go away and the black and white returns.

Last night, falling asleep, I noticed my inner eyes — those which you can open and close without opening your eyelids. It was so hard to keep them open — doing so made me lightheaded and then they would slowly pull closed, like when I’m completely tired and can’t keep my eyelids open. Now I understand that lightheaded feeling when lucidity sets on. These are the eyes that see newly, that can accept new, novel experiences without trying to rationalize them. This is the focus of the waking self, being drawn across the boundary to dreams.

Falling asleep: As I was going to sleep, my visions were so bright and beautiful that I saw them quite clearly. They were appearing in such a wide variety of artistic styles — some that I hadn’t seen or used in a long time. I was so in love seeing them again. Even as a part of me was playing with the styles, another part was giving them life and action — not always pleasantly. One I remember is a guy about to drink from a wine glass. He had reached his hand into the mouth and through the head/brain/mind of another to drink what was scooped from inside. This one had taken a few different forms before it landed on the one I attempted to draw. It was all a mind-blowingly beautiful display.

Here’s a little on the information field: last night during powerful dreams I awoke and could barely focus out of the information field. It was like a honeycomb field of hexagons. I was focused there, barely able to push through it. It was like a 2D screen through which I saw. Usually it’s not visible. In a way it’s a clear focus; there’s a clarity of mind there even though physical vision is strange.

Falling Asleep: There was an endless string of one-second video game clips, most with perspective changing — sliding left or right. Gradually the endless chaos began to organize into a whole. Remembering The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, I decided to try to hold my attention on something. As I did, the pieces assembled into a consistent storyline of this multi-piece robot-thing, like a mosaic of clip-art images, like a picture built from things cut out of a magazine. The story continued, and I became lost in it. At first it would jump every 5 seconds but it became stable for longer periods the longer I focused on it.

Earlier on, PaRappa would have had the loudest, brightest pulses, but since it was 4 hours earlier, they faded in lieu of the more recent game stimulus.

References: PaRappa the Rapper is a video game I'd just gotten for Christmas.

Morning meditation: This helps: every thought you have, say “let go of that.” Then after a while say “let go of letting go.”

After the initial chaos in the mind settles down, Satori begins. It’s a sort of visual Aum, a repeating wave that evens out the charges, smooths everything. The Satori pool begins to build and brighten. At times there was something like an aurora brightening and softening, causing waves of coolness in my body. The bright holding pattern eventually turned into a dark mirror of visions, the very first being the pathways of the brain lit up and seen as shrubbery before mountains.

As the Satori pool got wider, its periphery triggered little lightning flashes. Then the pool built up over them. These little flashes seemed to be discharged into the pool and evened out.

When I got up, I felt very expanded!

It’s 6 AM, and I saw Satori moving in a circular rotation, with a blind spot near the bottom left that was harder to see (which is why I didn’t see it before) and becomes more visible for the other half of the cycle. Instead of moving in one direction, it’s gradually lightening, then peeling off.

I was up till 3 AM. Upon going to bed, my breathing began short and deep and each breath lengthened into the long, deep breathing of sleep. Here’s what I noticed:

* Stage 1: Continuation of Activity: Whatever you were most engaged in before bed continues to be the topic of thought. In this case, it was working on the Personality Forge.

* Stage 2: Fears: Fears of every kind enter my mind as I try to relax; intruders in the house, fire breaking out, and entire fantasies associated with each.

* Stage 3: Desires: Sexual desires and fantasies. The threshold to move the body becomes higher. Getting up the energy to shift position is about the best you can do — small movements are very difficult.

* Stage 4: Led Into Dreams: Very interesting thoughts. Desires to run into exciting scenes leads one’s attention into dreams.

References: The Personality Forge is my chatbot web site.

When a sudden noise rang out, I felt a moment of fear. My visual field jumped from a mushy black to a bright gray with dull blue horizontal lines for a moment. I believe this is the exact aura pattern that clairvoyants see in others when frightened.

Immediately upon waking up and going back to sleep, I found that my satori was this fast-moving single pulse of dim light moving from the periphery to the center of my visual field. The rate of the light waves was maybe 1-2 per second.

My focus interrupted it pretty quickly. The first effect was that it went from one pulse to two that went to the center of each hemisphere (simply the effect of switching to binocular perception). The waves then slowed down and eventually stopped moving altogether, resulting in two stationary blobs of dim light. Before this, dream visions were coming rapidly, but now I couldn’t get through into the visions at all.

Then I began to relax again, removing my focus from the satori. It began to slowly move again, in the manner I’ve often described: the slow gathering from the exteriors to the center. So this is how it begins, and it ends with the well-defined pool of dim light underlying dreams!

I was watching the edges of the dark wave of the satori as it overtook the lighter waves and saw that it was like black ink in water at the edges flowing into the lighter waves. It was like liquid darkness in this inky chaos pattern, very fluid in nature. And of course when I focused on it, it froze, and stopped moving altogether.

As the waves built up in the middle, they formed a slowly growing circle of dim light in the visual field before my inner eye, a gooey spot that, once I pushed through, revealed full visions. The first vision was that the two dimensional plane that the satori was playing on was a wall and the pooled light was a hole in the wall beyond which was a scene of a sunny Mediterranean village.

At another time I saw a pair of eyes forming beyond the pool of satori light. It occurred to me that this would usually be scary but I had the awareness that everything here was made of me, and thus there was no fear.

I had discussed with Ruby the idea of “asking for help” in getting OB before bed, but had always thought it strange. Who were you asking? What if some local ghost answered? But we thought it was likely the higher self. So I tried holding onto my awareness as I was falling asleep. After a while, during which my consciousness rose and fell, I felt my astral body move! I was lying on my side, and it was a brief falling sensation, about 6” to a foot behind me. As I thought about it, I understood the lack of body sense people describe in the astral body. Either the astral body was moving out backwards and I was feeling the falling sensation from the astral body’s perspective, or the astral body was moving out forwards and I was feeling the falling away sensation from my physical body’s perspective — there was no way to know.

As I was in bed, close to sleep, I was noticing how easy it was to imagine a sound into the real, full experience of the sound. There had been a beeping somewhere in the house, and I was able to imaginatively reshape the white noise of the air purifier into that exact sound, as loud and real as the original. I tried it with a few different ambient sounds I heard, and it worked.

My alarm woke me up and I’m falling back asleep. As my waking self is going back under, I see this wide satori pool of every-color light, flickering, providing a background of every color and every brightness for my dream imagery to appear upon, and it quickly does. After a night of dreaming, the pool is well-established and allows a near-instant return to dreaming imagery.

I had just barely woken up and was laying in bed for a minute, trying to remember my dreams. My sleepy mind saw something on the bookshelf, and I took it to be a face. It was a weird face, stylized, with some dark smudges on it. I couldn’t figure out what it was in the dark morning light until I pushed myself a little more awake, and saw what it really was.

As I was waking up, I saw a quick bit of imagery behind the scenes. It was a dark shape in a white field. The darkness was that full purple color, and the light around it was this full off-white light. Both were boiling with energy, alive with potential. It shifted left to right and back, with the arms seeming like a single unit, sliding through the center to the left then to the right. The rate was about 1 cps. The rhythm reminded me of the potential rocking of the ecstasy trance. It felt like some kind of engine behind the scenes. It looked kind of like a dancing bear.

A Momentary Glimpse:

The dark shape reminds me of the Mandelbrot Set. The “arms” slide through the narrowest point in the primary fractal. In the manner of dreams, the head and feet may have been painted on when the “dancing bear” thought came to me. The arms reminded me of Walt Disney’s earliest animation.

Could this be the mathematical foundation? Could this be a shifting back and forth of perspective on a fractal?

I woke up physically and went to the mirror in the bathroom. For a split second when I looked at myself, I saw a dark red spot roughly between my eyebrows. A vestige of my dreaming awareness, seeing my third eye? It was lower than I imagined. I also saw a few thin black lines, as if made by trails of flying insects that had passed by.

It seemed that my vision was a liquid that flowed to cover over these images. . . . It may be covering up things we’ve come to believe as “not useful”, just as it covers over the blind spot in each eye.

I dreamed of my house burning down and the frantic search to save the comics and stories I’d written, and then maybe my family. This was a frequently recurring dream in my childhood.

This is a dream I’ve had a few different times: My elementary school is engulfed in flames and under all the stress of it I leaned forward and took off flying.

The weird back yard dream with the mysterious time trapezoid and stringed-out alien. This was a weird one of which I remember very little. It took place in the back yard of Blaine House. The “alien” was sort of a squid out of water, and there was a definite intelligence to it and it was aware of me.

This might be my first written dream. I suspect this was from 1984, when I was 10 years old:

Came down path alone, used vine and branches by sand. Caught shiny bass. No structure. Return with Emma, Sean, somebody else. Bring sail boat on wheels. See thin trees. Go to sand. Get 3 gifts. Mom — Transformer comics 20, 19, 18, 17; Sean — $13, Other — glasses case and guards. Tell them about fishing: used vines and branches. Boat sails near building caught on fire. Put out. Enter building. In shopping center. Look for Transformers 16. Brought $1. Find & buy. Read. What’s inside vividly happens!

I dreamed about finding a new door inside our house. Going through it, I followed some strange passages around, always finding new doors. It reminded me of Zork. Then I came out, and a storm started with a lot of rain. I slightly remember a whole bunch of cat fights between Radar and the other cats who kept getting in.

References: Zork is a text-based video game. Radar was my cat.

First, I dreamed that I married Lisa Hayes and we had two children, and we lived on the fifth floor of a hotel. There was a tornado, and I only had enough time to bring Lisa out. After it passed, we went back up and found our babies being smothered by a blanket. We pulled it off and they were alright. Floors 6 and 8 were gone.

Next part: Me and Tavian’s kids were playing in our basement. I got a laser beam — like from Heavy Barrel — and blew up a mini-truck with two blasts. Then I blew up a mini boat, about 2 feet high, with multiple blasts. After that I got in a big water-balloon fight with Lacey and her friend.

References: Lisa Hayes is a character from Robotech. Heavy Barrel is a 3rd person shooter video game. Lacey is my cousin. Tavian was my uncle.

I was in Narnia, adventuring on some snow-covered slopes. I came to some rocky land and a black 5’ x 5’ pile of shaped stones. I knew that if one of the top two stones touched the pedestal, the world would end. I moved some stones around and one part of the top one touched the pedestal. I reluctantly went over and pulled a string attached to a huge clock-like device which would cause the sky to darken and monsters to appear.

I instantly appeared in the school. I tried to call Mom, but the phone wouldn’t work. Counselor Matthew was there and seemed to know what was going on. I then found Manville, Lewis, and Quentin. Anyway I told them about the end of the world. Ranier said that it would start in two hours. We went outside the school and hitched a ride to Toys R Us with the rest of our money. Me and Lewis wrestled over a nerf football, and we all went to get some arrows and bows. Then I went to call Emma. When she got there, Manville went missing. I suggested we check the place we found them in a different dream. She went there and found Lewis or Quentin. Then we found Manville in the street further ahead and picked him up. I don’t think the monsters ever appeared.

References: Manville, Quentin, and sometimes Lewis were friends from school. Ranier was our school counselor.

Manville slept over last night. This was a two-part dream. First, I was called in to the Robotech Academy. There was a big crowd on a deck, or below, looking at the rows of Robotech hovercrafts, hovertanks, and helicopters. Then it got quiet and they called my name, and assigned me to the #1 leader hovertank. It was huge, the largest one there, except for another one just like it. It was blue and green and looked strange, but awesome. I opened a book and began thinking, putting things together, and creating another name for my hovertank. Later on, they called Manville and assigned him to an AJAX transformable helicopter. My group talked about how funny it would be since he didn’t know how to fly.

Here’s the second part: I was running in the woods along a path with Wadsworth, Emma, and Ruby. Other people passed from time to time. I saw Boy George, and scratched him. Then Ruby and Mom had to go. I kept running with Wadsworth. We passed Boy George again and I scratched him really hard. He had purple blood. Then I ran really fast.

Next, Wadsworth and I were at the top of a snow-covered mountain. We had a sled so we got on and started going down, steadily increasing speed. A ship came and flew next to us. It was about 30 feet long and red and white. I looked inside, and was glad to see that Boy George wasn’t after me. Then the ship left. I saw a cliff, and a valley ahead. We couldn’t slow down. The valley had a river and two strange, transparent messy horns sticking up that were covered with green netting. We flew off the edge and caught the net. Inside we saw the two main actors from “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” being stupid. Then we saw a wooden ship floating by, so I jumped on. There might have been someone else with me, but I’m not sure. It had a flat deck and was purple, orange, and pink. There were three trap doors in it. In the front were three pipes, the captain, and a strange furnace. I had the hammer from Zelda II, and went around hitting parts of the ship with it, hoping to reveal treasure like in the game. I went to the front and put two glowing lumps that were each about three feet long into the furnace. Then the ship started sinking. We all jumped out, and soon fell down a waterfall. There were two more waterfalls, and after the first, I caught a quick-moving side stream. No one got hurt. We came to the shore by a cave-like opening with a huge metal door inside. We considered opening it, but wondered about the possibility of water coming out. I opened it, and found the world of Zork.

References: Robotech is an animated sci-fi series I loved. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is a comedy movie. Zelda II and Zork are video games. Boy George was a singer.

[I’m at a rally, talking, playing around with people]

Someone grabs me and tells me to come quickly for something. I follow him to my car. “You have to fire the missile. They’re crossing the station front!” He hands me a controller. I just nonchalantly hit “fire”. Then I get in the car to see what happens. A visor comes down, a view screen appears, and a pressure equalizer starts to work. I hear “Hold breath” on the intercom. Water rises and closes over the vehicle. I notice the missile path on the view screen and try to steer it into an enemy submarine. It’s too late. It misses and hits a ridge, but the explosion succeeds in knocking the submarine over and damaging some systems. We go to the surface and tell control that that’s all that we can do. We land and hang up our banner. Control tells us to go back down IMMEDIATELY and finish the job. We do.

[There is a big battle. We’re told to self-destruct our submarine while everyone else evacuates]

My Wadsworth is the co-pilot. We land our submarine on theirs and set the self-destruct timer. Then Wadsworth swims to the surface and I take a diving suit up to the surface, which is the floor of our basement. We climb the stairs to the main level of the house. Dad stands directly above the location of the two subs. I go into my room and hide behind the thickest walls. Mom stands in the loft. The blast comes. I see it — a slow-moving shockwave of intense heat moving towards me. I’m not protected enough. I scramble out the window for another wall of protection. I close my eyes and take the blast. When I open them again, the house is devastated. The deck wall is shredded, blown out two feet off the deck, showing nails. Most of what’s in the house is either turned to dust or knocked over and slightly charred. Every opening — windows, arches — is melted down to a small molten opening. The walls around the pool room are all blasted outwards. The spot where Wadsworth stood had a small black circle that also appeared on the ceiling. Was he totally disintegrated, or did he move? I have moments of fear, but we find him outside. He’d gone out behind the wall I was standing near.

References: A rally is a youth gathering at Unity Church.

I had gone to Spirit Mountain to ski for New Years eve. I skied until midnight, and then headed home. It was a three-hour drive back. It was between 3-4 AM when I neared the three-hour mark, and my dreams were beginning to impinge on my experience. The alternating light and dark patches on the road from the street lights seemed now to be the alteration of steeper and flatter parts of the slopes ahead of me. The signs I passed on the side of the road were skiers in my periphery. It wasn’t subtle — I was actually seeing this. Luckily I made it home alright.

I’m a young warrior undercover with some older thieves and brigands. We enter a cavernous hall slightly underground in the forest. There is a hot furnace off to the right, and a wall of strange writings straight ahead. Some of them are kicking and bouncing these rough bubbly thick foam balls at the wall. They’re very light, like a cross between bubbles and beach-balls. Each time one hits the wall, it leaves an inexplicable, strange-looking white circle or symbols, then bounces back smaller. Soon they run out, so one guy goes into the forge and collects some bubbling metal in a blow pipe. He emerges, holds the pipe to his lips, and blows. A glowing hot bubble clump starts to emerge from the far end of the pipe.

The brigand I’ve been following takes me to the other side of the building, and does something else. Just then, I see the new extremely hot purple bubble bouncing into the room. It hits the ceiling, then comes at me and hits my face. I let out a yell, and someone runs over and tears it away, along with my two golden armor head pieces. I am unharmed. I take my armor back.

I turn and see my undercover compatriot standing in the raised doorway. (VERSION 1:) He sets an arrow and fires it at the floor near a brigand. Then to me he says “Come up and help me finish off these foul darklings!” I say “No, I’m starting to like these guys!” Then I run off with him. (VERSION 2:) I see my compatriot in the doorway. He beckons to me, and we sneak hastily out. (Both versions merge back together at this point).

We run out of the forest, and soon enter a field. We come to a 15-foot wall made of dried mud bricks, with a scaffolding of bamboo on the near side. We climb up and over. We’re hanging from the top on the far side when I look down. There’s a muddy river at the bottom of the wall with a flimsy walkway getting jerked around by the current, about eight crocodiles, and no way back up. [There are continued various betrayals and fighting and war and destruction, through which I did fine.]

I’m driving back home with Wadsworth. We decide to stop at a familiar place along the shore of this lake. There is a big line of people leading to the near dock. What happens is about eight people get on the dock at a time, then all dive in and swim to the other dock. That’s it. No race. It’s supposed to be a lot of fun. Well, we finally get to the front of the line and go onto the dock. Everyone but me dives in. I hesitate, but finally dive in when the rest are about halfway across. Surprisingly, the fat, short, balding man who runs it blows the whistle and says to start over because we didn’t jump at the same time. I question “Why does it matter?” He says something about “togetherness,” so we all start heading back to dock one. But upon reaching it, I notice some really large rocks right below the surface scattered around where I dove in. I complain intensely to the man, and he gets upset and calls on the water-cleaning girl. She comes and he chews her out, then tells her to take them out. Then he sends everyone home. She grudgingly does the work. Then she gets out of the water and shape-changes into somebody else. I see it and am amazed.

This may be where dream 2 stops and one begins. . . . The shape changing power turns into a personality transference power. Some things happen and I end up talking to Raven about it, who may have actually been the personality of the personality transferring person. . . . Um, very confusing.

I’m driving in a car along highway 65. There are 3 small green lights on the dashboard. One lights up as I reach 20, 40, and 60. Once two are lit, I knowingly hit this lever and the car jolts off the ground and starts flying, doing incredible circles and dives. My passenger is astounded. Rightly so. I take the car on a few flights. When I take off with 3 green lights (60 MPH), the car goes very, very fast while in flight. It’s a real rush, but not surprising to me, nor odd. Later on I show this amazing flight to people in my dorm in the form of a video game I wrote. I am proud. They are in awe.

I go to visit Kayla. I arrive, and her campus is a darker equivalent of SSU. She lives in Aquarius (a dorm at SSU). I meet this fairy who glows brightly through the gloom. Her real name is a one-word name that reminds me of “Patchouli”, but I call her “Tink”. We became immediate best friends. I have an utter fascination with her, and my whole visit begins to revolve around her. She can change size from small to really tiny to human size. I seemed to have the fairy power, too, as I could also change size.

At one point Kayla is showing me her room, but I’m just waiting for when she has to leave so I can go visit Tink again. Then I was searching for Tink because I had something to tell her. It was a very dim dream except for Tink. I was so enraptured by her!

Nov 9, 1992: In waking life, Kayla told me that during a guided meditation, she wandered into fantasy. She became Tinkerbell, pure white, and flew off to a far away place where I was a dull gray, sitting, lonely. She swooped down and flew in circles around me and I turned from gray to a shiny, shimmering white fairy just like her. We smiled at each other, took each other’s hands, and flew straight into the heavens.

I wish I knew the date of my dream about Tink, but I didn’t write it down. I wonder if these coincided.

Awake: I’m staying at Kayla’s. She tells me of Leila, a guardian angel of hers. She tells me that Leila makes her presence known by knocking (on a theater seat, on a desk). She tells Leila to watch over me tonight. I go to sleep.

Excited dream. I feel like I’m right above my bed, looking at a computer screen. It’s cycling between detailed schematics of figures, including one that is very large. I was examining statistics and body diagrams of different life forms in red, blue, yellow, and green in great detail. I sense ten angels in all. I want to learn about the large one, sensing perhaps that it represents Kayla’s guardian angel. The images on the computer screen are coming faster and faster, flashing through brighter and brighter colors, accelerating to this incredible speed. So I dive into the large one and I see whirling colors, and I’m suddenly awakened from sleep by 3 loud knocks on the 2nd story window by my bed. There was no fear, only wonder at the knocks. I settle back to sleep.

This time I dream of a large building with circular black supports, lots of windows, and a circular glass elevator in the center. It is night and cloudy. A flame shoots up through the center glass shaft of the elevator, and I sense some disaster coming. I climb down the shaft and leave the building. I emerge in this parking lot with scattered cars. My Dad walks out from between some cars and says something to me. Then he walks off, leans forward, and takes off flying. I watch, amazed, and say “Oh, so that’s how to do it!” I lean forward, lift my feet up, and fly. I recognize myself as the 2nd one ever to fly. It’s an amazing feeling. I fly for a while. As I do, others walk out into the parking lot, and also fly. I land and am immediately woken up by another series of knocks on the same window. They are faster and more insistent this time. Again I felt no fear, only amazement.

I fall asleep again and wake up an hour or two later, so warm in this usually-cool room that I remove the covers as well as my shirt. Then I fade off back to sleep and awaken, cool again, the next morning. A truly spectacular and strange night. Thank-you, Leila.

One dream had an important message. Everything that happened in it happened twice, in two different ways. One in ignorance, one with some sort of realization. Over and over, example after example. . . . But I can’t remember the specifics.

A different dream last night was interrupted by an electrical storm. Then I had a big flying dream where people were after me and I just flew away every time they got close.

Short, deep nap. . . . In the dream I achieve telekinesis after long hours of practice in my mind. I’m staying at this place with a friend who can do it. So I really push myself and finally I move the candle across the bathroom. It was all so real. After a while, we drive into a small town with only a few buildings. I’m spontaneous and fun and my friends are too. We talk about the new blue truck in town, and the berries it holds. We climb onto the general store, jump from the roof, and each land in the dirt parking lot with an individual flair. We get in our big white truck. The scene is incredibly familiar.

I’m in the new age book store, listening to this speaker/singer over the main speakers. It seems to be a lesson of some sort. I’m holding a leaf. I plant it and it begins to grow really fast. Then the tape ends with the speaker saying some angry words. Then there is an audible hum. Suddenly all the plants turn into clear tubes and melt into a red gooey substance. Freaky.

This dream tells a story first in one time, then a hundred years later and so on — across several genres.

Cutter is still leader. The elves use less and less magic, and then use guns. One elf is wounded by a gunshot while a young elf was trying to save an older one from a boar. There are many poisonous snakebites.

The next scene is the elves living in a 1400s-1600s type city, in a Renfest-like environment, or a less techno future. The elves are mingling with the people and having a big party behind some buildings. I see Avery. She’s not the same looking. She has scuzzy guys hitting on her, and she likes it. I arrive and they leave. So we talk, and hang out a while. She changes shoes and holds her scantily-clad butt in the air till some guys start touching it. We leave on horseback to ride in these mountains. She implies that after we broke up, she’s “really been sleeping around,” and that now she realizes that she never really loved me. So I get incredibly sad and leave her stranded on the mountaintop.

There was a really killer spaceship scene, as well.

References: Avery was my girlfriend around this time. Elfquest is a series of graphic novels, and Cutter is the leader of the elves.

I’m flying in a plane over California, and see the ocean advancing up onto the land and falling back. It goes halfway across the state. The pilot flies really weirdly and it is hard to see. Then the plane brushes the ground and can’t get lift again. I end up in some forest town where I had supposedly grown up. There’s a small temple in the middle where Pearl Jam is playing, and I rush to it as the ground begins to shake violently. I remember being told to “go to the temple.”

Context: This is maybe a year or so after I broke up with Avery.

I’m in this abandoned house in the woods. Some friends are there — Bard, Dom, and others. For some reason I didn’t have any pants. Avery suddenly shows up. Someone else runs to hug her and she gives them a weak hug. Then I step up to her and we embrace strongly. She kisses my cheek, then my nose. I kiss her chin, then we just decide to forget this denial thing and we kiss passionately on the lips. Then I read a letter she gave me. It listed everything she’s done with this one other guy since we broke up, which was just kissing and hugging. Then there’s her list of what we had. I look it over and it’s pretty complete. Soon Avery and I are on the floor, kissing, entwined. Then after a few minutes I begin reading another letter from her, saying how happy she was that we were getting back together.

She was about to go somewhere in her car, and I called to her from the balcony. “Avery, I really didn’t intend, I didn’t mean for us to. . . . ” I held out the letter and she turned and ran towards her car. I called out after her. “Wait!” She stopped, turned around, and said “What?” I didn’t know what to say. She ran off into the woods and I followed her. We ran through this big forest for a while and eventually came to this other house. I forget the dialog on the way. I realized that it was a home for those in pain. The whole place was dimly lit. Tree was there, with a terribly sad look on his face. “Hi, Sam. I told ya I saw her here.” I introduced myself to some guy sitting across the couch from Avery and I. He looked sick. I leaned over to Avery and she moved away. She said “There’s not a whole lot of touching allowed here.”

Context: I was in Maui at the time.

I was dreaming intensely happy dreams concerning humpback whales. I had completely forgotten that I was in Maui and thought the sound of the waves were sudden strong gusts of wind. This frightened me, so I awoke.

I fell back into the whale dream for a while. Then the following dreams came to me.

The Key Challenges: We were running around, searching for the challenges. The object was to find the challenge, pass it, then receive the key. With the key you could lock shut any challenge you wished. I passed the dragon challenge, then another, then got caught up in the mobster/Johnny Dangerously one. I replayed it a few times, bringing some girl along after a while. For a moment it felt like the movie True Romance.

The Bridget Dream: Me, Brandon, and Bridget are in the back seat of Vortigem H’s car, in that order. He’s driving us somewhere. We pick up Jay and he starts moving in on Bridget big time. She’s supposedly with Brandon. Brandon gets mildly upset, and Jay keeps pushing, till she’s sitting on his lap, facing him. Brandon and I talk through notes. Finally Bridget gets fed up and comes over to Brandon and me, throwing nasty looks at Jay.

References: Johnny Dangerously and True Romance are movies.

Driving at night, possibly with Vortigem H? We stop and he tries to park, but has trouble. I turn to see Brenda in the back of truck. She’s very excited to see me, though I saw her first and said nothing. So we say hi, hug, talk, and catch up. We end up in some gas station talking. Meanwhile, I’m receiving messages from Kayla who is secretly communicating on pizza crusts.

I’m bounding around a familiar neighborhood with a friend. A lady drives by and asks where a gas station is. We point to one of our gang, the only local. He/she points to a distant Amoco. Then the street changes to a river and the cars become boats. Ruby and I start to go down this river. I ask “is it safe?” It gets fast and fun and we finally reach the bottom — a deep sandy valley. We stick the boat in a guitar case. We’re told we have to wait there at the bottom a while, because a big rush of water is coming and travel back upstream is prohibited.

References: Amoco is a gas station.

Kayla’s waiting for me in the parking lot in a yellow car. I go to the wrong parking lot, and run through the rain to see her. I was so happy that she just showed up in Marshall to see me, surprising me.

Kayla and I are running around campus. We talk about having kids and are really cuddly. We have a good time. Bridget calls and I have to be really sneaky and I feel bad. I’m trying to keep Kayla from seeing Bridget and vice versa.

Falling asleep, I held in mind the desire to dream about the oneness, to feel and experience it, and to awake 4 hours after falling asleep. It worked — I awoke suddenly on my own nearly four hours after falling asleep, just as I had wanted! I turned out my lights around 4 AM and couldn’t sleep for a while. It’s now 8:40 AM, I’m awake and feeling charged up and refreshed when usually I sleep until 1-2 PM! I felt as if I were many minds sharing the same dream. . . . Scientists, earlier and later in the night, studying what we felt, where we were. We were doing experiments, asking questions, yet I can’t recall the answers. The first moment I peeked my eyes open this morning I saw incredibly bright light, as if the natural light had been intensified. I felt charged up, and I flipped and flopped in bed as if I was experiencing some sort of orgasmic ripples. The actual dream I can’t remember. . . . Wow!

Further dreams: I move to San Fran and instantly get sucked into this gang war: whites vs. Spaniards. The initial disturbance was the Spaniards stealing some of my art at gunpoint. I find myself with an automatic submachine gun in these drive-bys, but decide then and there I want out. The others corner me and I tell them. Surprisingly, they’re glad to hear it. Both sides accept it and let me go.

Context: I'm staying at Juno and Jay's apartment. Jay is her boyfriend.

Night Three: Try to dream of oneness, but I didn’t remember. . . . Yet I did wake up 4 hours later like I wanted to! Many dreams after that. One was about me and Juno and Jay. We’re living in this big house. Juno and I end up deciding to have sex. So we go upstairs to this room. Then, oddly, something subconscious comes up telling her she’s obligated to me. She gets ready, but I smile and dance around instead, telling her she doesn’t have to do anything. The obligation passes and we do it, although I think my dream skipped over the whole scene. Afterwards we go downstairs, both with this happy-fuzzy glow that I think is too obvious. Later we go upstairs again and I stop her on the way. “Did we really just have sex?” I say. She nods. We continue upstairs and it hits me. “We didn’t even use protection! You’re on the pill, aren’t you?” she shakes her head. I start thinking about pregnancy, having to get tested again, telling Jay. We go downstairs and she crawls in bed with him and I get in another bed across the room. She sits up, looks at Jay, and says “I fucked Sam.” I get the feeling that he suspected it, but his full reaction is lost in a sudden switch to something different. Still dreaming, Juno and I start talking about this dream, and realize we both had the same dream. I’m thinking about how we were communicating in our dreams. . . .

Night 4: I try to incubate a dream about Kayla, but no luck. Instead I dream of a friend and I walking to this Nazi death camp to try and free as many people as possible. We encounter cops on the way, but talk our way out of each situation. We end up at a mental home and meet some girls, who we talk with. They’re amazed at how far we’ve walked. We walk around with them and visit someone. Then we arrive at this campus and have to avoid these robot guards. X-Force shows up and saves us. It’s hundreds of years in the future now, yet they’re all still alive. I do some computer work.

Wait wait wait! I forgot the coolest of all dreams! An hour later something reminded me of it. I did connect with Kayla! We were canoeing in the boundary waters with some friends, surrounded by a pine forest and clear water, watching the stars. The whole dream took place just after the sun went down and there were stars above in the clear sky. I saw a really big turtle surface and go down again. The turtle surfaced again in the dark water and I knew it was calling for me, so I jumped in and grabbed hold of it. My other friends jumped in behind me and swam along, following the turtle and me. As the turtle took me under the surface, it kept turning and nipping at me, but it never hurt me. It brought me to the bottom. I was breathing just fine and floating along with it. I could still see the starry sky up above. It was truly beautiful. Then the turtle took me and the others into this cave underneath the rock. Somehow it was lit up and easy to see. The turtle went back to its swimming and surfaced while me and my friends spent time in the underwater cave.

Meanwhile, some others were up above, looking down into the water, thinking us dead. Rather than show myself, I thought “If only they knew.” The others climbed out and up the rock cliff a ways. I exited the cave and went to the surface. Then I floated back down. Suddenly I wondered if I’d land on any weird sea-stuff, and I looked frantically around. A black eel-thing swam at me and attached to my leg. I poked it sharply with a stick and it partly came loose. I went to the surface and climbed onto the rocks. An orange cat bit the eel and pulled it off me. It ate half while the other half attached to its side. I tried to get it off the cat, but the cat wouldn’t let me near it.

References: X-Force is a super-hero group. The boundary waters are the lakes at the border of Minnesota and Canada.

Context: These fields and small towns are the actual physical surroundings of Marshall, MN, where I was.

Night 5: After a weekend of camping, I return home and fall asleep from 1-4 AM. I dream about this cafe/theater and I get really pissed at this huge guy named “Sinbad’s Son”. I tell him to just get out. Accepting the possibility that I might work there, he gets up, heads towards the exit, but talks to Tito, who works there, then returns and begins pushing me around. I don’t take it for a second and push him back and tell him he can’t touch me. He turns into a girl and runs at me and I swing a fork at her. It takes a chunk out of her foot and then I help her get better. Weird.

Lucid dream! I’m driving through the country with Alison and a few others. We’re going to a movie/sleepover party at Rand’s or Bard’s. Eventually we end up in this little town, which is all part of the same building. It was cramped and filled with weird people. We go in, look around, I meet some guy in a suit.

I finally start hanging out with Alison, Jen, Rand, and the rest. We talk about sex. Alison says she’d like to know what it’s like, asks me to show her. I think “Ah, no. I’m going to wait”. Then I think, “But wait, this is only a dream, so I can do it!” So I agree and we start at it, jumping right in, and everyone’s watching. Finally we decide to get some privacy, and go outside for a walk. I say, a little apprehensive, “This . . . is a dream isn’t it?” She shrugs and smiles. I say, “Then how can I do this?” I hold up my hands and part them and at the same time the leaves in a willow branch ahead move aside for me. She nods and smiles, and I think “Hey! I’m lucid dreaming!”

We get out into the main road and I tilt gravity so we can both ski down the gravel. We do, and I realize I hadn’t showed her any other sexual positions, so we go to the side and I show her woman-on-top. A farmer drives by and doesn’t even look. Then a crazy farmer enters his field and we get scared and start heading back. She says his head looks like a hamburger and suddenly it really is! We laugh and go back to the building. We enter the perfect room for sex, but there’s a big dog there. I close my eyes and call it from outside. It goes to the door, growls, and runs off. Alison goes “How did you do that?” I smile and shrug. We continue having sex there, then go upstairs to see Bard, Rand, Peter, and some others. They’re in PJs, with wet hair, ready for their movie sleepover party. We join them.

Wow! I really did it! Without trying at all!

I’m at this new college campus and I’m pregnant! It’s nearly time to give birth so I go to the doctor’s office. I give birth without any help and I cut the umbilical cord. They say I did it wrong and get to work fixing it. I notice the baby is not being held and I push the doctors aside and hold him. It’s half cat, half human. But I love him.

I’m taking him home, but on the way he escapes. I follow the sounds he’s making and find him waiting outside my door! He must have followed my smell to the room. I bring it in and Rand stops by. My son smells him, then comments on his personality. I’m in awe: the child is amazing! I begin to teach him, and he grows fast. Soon he’s walking on two legs. Someone is visiting and says something about the devil. My son, without me having ever commented on the subject, says that there is no such thing. He continues to learn and grow.

Takes place in a shopping mall. There’s all these contests. The first, I forget. The second was in this big hi-tech auditorium. The first bunch shot energy things at me that fall quickly. I shot them all quickly, then had a nasty round 2. [The contests continue. . . . ]

Then there were two races and only one other contestant. I got second place the first time, then won first in the second race.

Then Avery was there, and I starting rubbing her back. She turned around, looking much older, and smiled. She said “I love you, Sam.” I was a bit surprised. I hung around her and talked a bit, then she ran off with her friend.

I’m sitting around at this table with these superheroes. I decide to investigate this building. I ask who can teleport, and look at Illyana, but Superman says he can. I ask him to teleport inside, and he takes us in but it’s more of an invisible fast-flying. We are aware that the sun lies somewhere inside this incredibly huge building. The first level held a huge room of laundry machines and people working, but they weren’t unhappy. We were told that the leader of the complex was evil. We proceeded to level two where we found a lot of grunt workers. Then to level three, which was a business district. Suddenly it was Manville, Mordred, and someone else with me instead of Superman. We went to level four and it was housing. We were now so high up that the building swayed in the wind, and it looked as if we were looking down from a plane. Manville opened a door and we were pulled outside. Manville fell down onto the roof of a lower level, but I grabbed the door and was able to swing back around and back inside. Manville was stuck so we had to leave him. We knew that level five was the sun, moon, stars, and clouds.

We developed a plan. We returned to the business district disguised (very poorly) as aging WWII veterans with questions. We asked to speak to the head guy “Phiel” or something weird. After a wait he appeared and spoke to us. He used terms we didn’t understand but I pretended to understand. He said things like “You have felt the lirte. . . . ” (Or something like “light”). . . . We learned that he owned the sun, moon, and sky, and was slowly taking all the earth’s energy. He would someday have no need for the earth and destroy it. After talking, we left the building. Mordred and I met up again outside. Then Manville showed up, blackened, bloodied, holding part of a broken bottle in his hands. He snarled. “I got him. I got the bastard.” (meaning Phiel). We were shocked. We were going to be diplomatic.

References: Illyana is a superhero that can teleport. Manville and Mordred are friends from high school.

It all starts in art class. I finish up a great project, then hang out with a friend. We play this game where I would hold out my hands, arms straight forward, then randomly change everything but my face to that of different girls at SSU, and by looking at my new hands, I’d guess “large,” “skinny,” “tall,” etc. The friend would laugh and say “Yup, go on.”

Then this art teacher bursts in, furious, looking for me. I’m facing the far wall and have the body of a heavy-set black girl. The teacher looks around and leaves. I try to change back, but CAN’T! I go to the bathroom and decide to stay with this form, hiding my new breasts with my jacket and hiding my hips with sweats. I leave? And come back? And discover I’m male again, so I look in the mirror and I’m back to being me. The whole SSU art department is after me, though they’re nobody I know. [various teachers try in various ways to trap or kill me]

Sick of this dream, I wake up voluntarily.

Check the date here — I have two very different dates listed. This was probably more like ‘92 — ‘94

References: SSU was the first college I went to.

Context: Kayla and I had broken up for good a few months ago. I was now seeing Sophie.

The night before last, I visited Kayla in this big cave of smooth grey stone, in a large mountain range of such stone. It was night and dark, and lit by torches. At first she walked away, then gave me a little attention. Then she talked with some droid while leaving me sitting in a sunken dais, ignored.

Last night I returned to the same exact place. I was back to visit her again. We actually conversed more this time and I got the impression that things were being sorted through, forgiven, and I vaguely recall a few moments of acceptance and love. At other times, she became Sophie. This wasn’t even surprising. I went further into the caves this time and remember a big automated machinery complex.

It was Halloween. There was a big candy gathering scene.. When I finally turned around, I saw one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. She was sitting on a barrel stool playing guitar and singing a wonderful, beautiful song. When she finished the song (this part is foggy), I looked deeply into her eyes for a moment. She returned my gaze. Then this gray wolf began to chase after her. She fled to a truck and the wolf leapt up to the window and spoke to her. I approached fearlessly and the gray wolf took off in a blur, darting into the distance. I went to the window and spoke to her. She was truly beautiful. She was short, had brown eyes, and light blonde hair. I asked if she was alright, she said “yes” and told me that gray wolves were only messengers of danger. Although she seemed to want to be with me, she implied that it wouldn’t be the best thing in the eyes of the wolf, (foggy, again) but that she wouldn’t mind my company? She was a girl of faerie, and reminded me of Tink. Maybe she WAS Tink.

I followed her to her house, and found her performing in her backyard on a big stage to a large crowd. I watched in awe, then began to dance as her acoustic music turns to rock like Babes In Toyland. (Foggy) Afterwards, I joined her and her band members in a shallow stream in the forest writing songs and jamming. They’re surprised by me, pleased by my musical talent. The area is beautiful. We spent time together, too. Oh, it felt incredible! I simply can’t WAIT to meet you!

References: Babes In Toyland is a rock band.

Now in college, I’ve had an intention to apologize to Manville for the immature things we did to each other in high school. The dream:

I see Manville in the lunchroom and want to apologize. But we have a fight long before I can. Immature. Teasing. I refuse to take any shit and bust his art and hide his tray. He does shit, too. Way immature. So I chase him through the rainy streets. Eventually we end up at his house. I chase him around the yard to this big tree. I chase him up the tree and find this crazy miniature house. There’s a bunch of bright-eyed beautiful little people there. I’m sprawled out on a branch, looking at them with amazement, tears of disbelief and joy in my eyes. Manville: “I wanted you to know for so long.” One of the tiny folk looking at me says “I knew he’d be a good one”. We are MONKEY and they are KIN, MONKIN. . . . I ask how they get here, “from another world?” “No”, says one. There was a philosopher of theirs who wrote through a MONKIN (one of us big folk) named: . . . GRIM. . . . He wrote something on magic or some such.

I was in love with the dear creatures. Relatives of TINK, I thought. Soon they went on to other things and Manville and I swung on the branches. I was afraid my branch would break, but Manville said it was protected by magic. Then we went to the bottom and I noticed a dark face in the wood. Manville told me to begin scratching at the bark of the tree to protect it. I did and rubbed off all this shreddy bark. Then Manville started scratching on his brown shirt and underneath was a blue, green, and red shirt like it. I scratched the back of my pants (jeans material) to reveal new clothes, but I continued all the way up to my head and under my hair was this long, silver-white hair. I felt it was a sign of wisdom, something special that doesn’t happen to everyone. Manville’s Emma came out and asked what we were doing, but her presence didn’t stop my transformation. I take Manville aside to tell him: “Long before any of this, I had an intention to say something to you.” (to apologize) I awaken before I can.

I awaken 3.5 hours into sleep at 6:30 AM. The window is open, and there is morning light.

. . . I drink cocaine/amphetamines orange juice with these girls, then I go outside and play and feel weird. We play football and volleyball. (foggy)

Then I go exploring underground with GenX. We enter this immense rectangular metal room where the floor is entirely lava. There is a metal walkway around the edge and a ledge on one side. Polaris, Guido, and another hero join us as we go out on the ledge. Guido pushes Polaris in. Then he pushes in some other big guy. We feel scared and helpless. So I do the crazy thing and push Guido in. He tries to drag me in too, but isn’t able to. He disappears under the flames and I think “How can any of them survive that?” They resurface as alien skeletons as more and more superheroes file into the metal room. Eventually the ledge is filled. Some overlord guy pushes someone in from time to time. Forge goes into the lava, then Mr. Fantastic jumps in after. But he comes back up as Spider-man and escapes through Peter Parker’s corpse. Other heroes do their best to survive. Ghost rider goes in a man and comes back hideously powerful, riding this flame cycle along the ledge. Some reappear as flaming new characters. Things are getting bad when suddenly Iceman appears and freezes the lava solid. The superheroes go absolutely WILD. Everyone is saved.

The guy who wrote the story writes to Marvel and says “There. Now stop writing your crap.” I go out above and find Sid and the others still playing volleyball.

References: GenX is a superhero team. Polaris, Guido, Iceman, Ghost Rider, Forge, Spider-man, and Mr. Fantastic are other Marvel super heroes. Peter Parker is Spider-man's real name. Sid is a friend from college.

Many dreams, including how to fly: Leap into the air. Jump high, concentrating on the “up” part to bring it forth. You’re already flying. Forget to fall back down and you can go anywhere you want once you realize that you’ve succeeded.

The piranha-rat story is horrible. Madness, telepathy, it wont die, changed into Buttercup. Pleh!

I’m having a bad night of dreams, including feelings of insecurity about my band. Wadsworth comes to visit and it’s the most horrible thing he can do. I say furiously “You don’t belong here! I don’t want you here!” Then I kicked him in the butt and ran off. It got ugly and I stomped all over him before he could start his wimpy sad ass manipulation and threats. He stole my corduroy jacket. Fucker.

Might and Magic monsters appear and attack me.

References: Might and Magic is a video game.

I played some key part in the discovery of a piece of a machine which ended up fitting together with other pieces that had been found in the pyramids. They formed a kind of tape-player which annoyingly played this weird radio song. A kid in the next room started singing along.

After waking up briefly, things were a little different. I was a youngin’ in Starfleet Academy getting beat up by the older kids who took the pyramid tape recorder. My older self ran by and beat them up, but that wasn’t too effective.

References: Starfleet Academy is where recruits are trained in Star Trek

I watching a show with a bunch of people including Brendan, Kayla, and her boy. Afterwards, I said “hi” to Kayla and cuddled up against her. Then I went off exploring, and she came with because she liked me. We ended up in this big ocean chamber, where this guy and this fat old lady were trying to kill me. I got shot, stabbed, and beaten. I woke up because it was so unpleasant. And I was sleeping in really late.

After getting shot as a bystander in all these gun fights in the neighborhood by Banana House, I was getting quite freaked out. My last wound was a hit to the gut. I closed my eyes and played dead. When the threat cleared, I got up and started walking north, with a friend who said they called NASA in. Any protection is better than getting shot every other day.

This kid was eyeing me as I walked and I got nervous. He came to me and told me that he was there to protect me. It was this young redhead kid from one of my old soccer teams. He said I had a valuable power, that of grand and miraculous healing whenever I had that spark of inspiration in my eye. He touched my back. “Hmm! You have two new left ribs.” I didn’t remember breaking them and wasn’t sure he could be trusted, but he was guarding me? That was good.

We went into this dark place and there were people playing on this keyboard on this big tech array. I was unbearably attracted to it and someone said “let him play!” I rose into the air within a dark shadow. My hat turned into a bat (the mammal kind) and went to one of the consoles. This spooked one of the people there, but another calmed her. Some living metal creatures also came into being and aided my interface with the machine. I started designing these big, impossibly bulky metal planes and became frustrated, saying “but look at them, they could never fly.” One of the people there said “but they can, because you bring them to life!”

I then returned outside and began walking north with my guard again. I thought about my powers. To the left was a gang war outside a gas station. There was a similar young guard there, and my guard explained to me that he was protecting one of the guys involved. Up ahead was this big scuffle with people that I recognized. I furrowed my brow, sent off my bat hat, and started calling cars to life everywhere in this parking lot and sending them after the gangs.

I say “Fuck it. Here comes the noise.” Then immediately I hear the BEEP BEEP of my alarm. I knew the moment it was going to hit. When I decide to get up, all the sleep flushes from my body in a tingling wave and I’m wide awake.

I’m in the mall with Ruby, Brit B, and a friend of mine. We were there with our parents, against our will. As I somehow suspected, our parents were running off to Planned Parenthood for some reason. Well, we ditched them and went exploring. Ruby, Brit, and I wanted to talk, so we looked for a place to talk. I found this mystic weirdness shop with couches and mattresses all over the floor. It had fish tanks lining the walls, and we all sat down and started to talk. I was watching the fish and one slipped through the glass and started swimming through the room. I wondered if we were breathing water or thick air or what. But then I discovered it was a trick played by what used to be the shop owner, but who was now Krist Novoselic, the drummer of Nirvana. So we got to know him, told stories, and found out it was his room (but still in the mall). My other friends appeared as I told stories about them.

I was arresting “Stinky Williams”. We were wearing these big white energy suits with big gun fingers. Then I turned into Stinky. They forced me into this medical wing and locked me in a room with a gun which they told me to hide. Then this big nasty guy came in and said he needed me as a vortex. So I shot at him and he shot back at me but missed. Finally I shot him and it was as if he was a sack with liquid leaking out. I chased him down and finished the job, forcing all the goo out. Afterward, he looked like a squished white spider. Later I was questioned on the matter.

My dreams last night were typical of those recently. I dreamed a horrible ocean dream. While in dark tidal pools, semitransparent grey arthropods would scurry around our legs. Then they became scorpions. We played some game about trying not to step on them. But they grabbed our feet and one stung to kill. Then we mixed in giant centipedes, seaweed, bugs, spiders, and lots more sea life including this dead-looking finless spotted fish which you had to try to avoid. There were also jellyfish and toothfish and jawfish. Manville turned into a big “N’gtoash Nisk” with a spiny head. I could breathe underwater. I was never injured but the deep-sea ocean life fear of the unknown was real.

Context: My parents are in the middle of an ugly divorce.

Perhaps a very meaning-filled dream. It’s Xmas eve. Wadsworth’s all happy about almost getting married and I’m disgusted because he’s not even divorced yet. (The replacement of my parents is haunting. The divorce is troubling me.) So he has all these new traditions for Xmas (he’ll surely lose himself into whoever he marries) like putting candy in eggs. The present I opened Xmas morning was from Hazel/Brit/Lisa, and I thought that was weird. Inside was a bunch of things I didn’t want, treated like valuables. Written on foil were signatures of people in high school who Lisa assured me didn’t hate me anymore. I didn’t remember half of them and couldn’t care less anyways. There was a letter from Avery that I never opened either.

Then I got in the car with Ruby and realized that unwanted clothes, stuffed animals, and toys had been haphazardly packed up into suitcases in the car. There were even some bathroom supplies, including a half-used container of birth-control pills. We were now in an area like the ranch area of Maui. Ruby drove us out one side of the circular driveway and we were going to go back in the other, but she missed it. I was kinda surprised by her lack of driving control, and she turned and missed it again. Then we were talking and she missed it again and she turned down this steep tractor road in a cornfield. I was going nuts and told her to get out and let me drive. She was sad like she’d failed. I complained about how I was missing Xmas day because of this nonsense. We ran out of gas and I tried to fill the tank with lawnmower gas but it didn’t work.

Then this guy at a house went on a rampage about his horrible situation which was much worse than mine. He seemed to be a background character in my dream and his interaction was surprising and unexpected. Suddenly Guido R and some others appeared. I called Guido “Josiah” by accident. They heard my situation and accidentally revealed that “they’d been waiting all day” and I looked to Ruby with surprise. “You were trying to take me somewhere!” She was upset that I figured it out but we all decided to continue on foot anyways.

Guido and company turned into Wadsworth’s side of the family. Dusk set in, and the countryside began to take on the feel of the steep angular mountainous green flying lands. I was upset at all the wasted time and was bashing branches against old dead trees. Aunt Abbey immediately came to my side and told me to stop it and be careful, expecting me to obey. That made me so mad, I yelled at her and dragged her by her leg to a fence and bashed her bitching body against it while she continued to complain. Then I threw her off an incline. I began to bound ahead to try and fly, but fell. She said I was just being a weird nasty freak. I leapt into the air, getting higher up and farther away. The scene became my old backyard — always a take-off grounds — and I was flying. I even carried Abbey on my back while flying. We went to Dairy Queen (where my house was). I flew up above everyone. Buttercup appeared and asked if I could carry her, so I did, cradled in my arms.

Then I tried to order a banana split. “Can I have a banana split?” The older semi-foreign man said “A cookie?” and got me a cookie. “No, not a cookie, a banana split.” The old man looked up at the menu display, heated a cookie in the microwave and gave it to me. “No, not a cookie.” The person behind me told me to explain what a banana split was to the man, so I did. He got the manager, who looked it up in her files and said that they had no bananas.

This dream was inspired by my recent reanalysis regarding “if I could see spirits, would I want to?” My answer was yes. Then. . . . I dreamed I was at a cross between Harkness and Grandma Adams’ house. I was aware that they used to have servants. Two servants remained — both Jewish. The rest were dead and their spirits haunted the house. My sister and mother accompanied me (I’ve been wondering recently how much certain people actually represent themselves versus something else). Emma was the disciplinarian, not believing in ghosts, and trying to force me to remain there against my will. Ruby was a friend. Grandma was senile, whacked out.

I was photographing things (this helped me to remember the dream). I got pictures of a ghost butler, encountered many things moving on their own, and was generally quite scared. During a scene of emotional conflict, the next room began glowing an eerie green, and a large ghostly stack of stereo components appeared. I walked up to it and pulled at the top. Its features melted away as it stretched out, but when I let go it snapped back to its original form. It was some kind of elastic spirit substance. I brought some of the substance outside and changed it to something else with my mind. Then I threw it up into the air and willed it to change to rain and it did. Then I changed it to small dogs and a donkey.

References: Harkness is a dorm at Oberlin.

It begins. . . . Dream recall has been slowly coming back after our move to Berkeley.

I had the weirdest experience early on in the night. I sat up in bed or looked up astrally and saw the desk as a Native American spirit guide leaning over me with a dark and crackly aura around him. It was a long, strange moment, but really really neat!

I learned DREAM MAGIC last night! Location: Blaine House, Time: evening.

A bunch of people were hanging out together in the backyard of Blaine House. Sam S, dressed in drag, conjured a grape in his hand. I went crazy at this proof of magic. I leapt about and asked him to show me how to do it. He did. My hand was wet and as I concentrated, the moisture seemed to condense inward into a grape! Then Sam conjured rubber balls and then I did. I asked him if he could make light and sparkles. He did, and then I did and I was so delighted.

In dreams recently, once I start finding money, I keep finding more and more. There have been a few dreams of whirlwind tornadoes, too. And, most importantly, I have been training in astral sight recently, and remembered myself using it. I’m also having dreams of the future.

Last night’s dreams were some of the longest ever, including three long epics. The most recent was in this nature reserve. Buttercup and I escaped this school function by rollerblading down a hill, then we just kept going. At one point, I wanted to stop and tighten my laces but I passed a rattlesnake at the side of the road, then two more. We got to a place without any snakes and I stopped. We continued on into a more foresty place. I jumped in a river that was supposed to be filled with piranhas. I was scared but there were none. After a while we set out again and there were snakes in the path ahead to avoid. The snakes all had their heads up. We had a guide who did well and so did Buttercup, but I freaked out and slid down the slope past hundreds more snakes before leaping into a tree. A bunch of people came to my rescue and plowed the snakes away. There was a headmaster and many people at this place. They were all so friendly and would hold my hand and talk to me and smile. I opened up to it slowly but much later in the dream I was embracing this openness entirely. The head guy, who I didn’t like at first, asked me to work for him. I didn’t answer at first, but eventually decided I would listen to his offer. I liked these people.

There were two other long epics: one in San Francisco, and one rebuilding some ancient civilization built of rock and sand. Some of it was underground with holes to the surface. I’ve dreamed of it before.

We were in something like a space station. . . . And Captain Kirk/Picard was there! He was trying not to act like he was in a movie, but being funny about it. The space station was half in space, half where SSU’s main education building is. There was some kind of medieval war. We were attacked and beaten but not beaten completely. We had all kinds of new people before the first battle — many other races including the raisin people, and they were taken by the dark black evil people.

Then we had people come to aid us — the black-bearded folk, Benji and his kind, peaceful people. I realized I didn’t tell Benji my name (it was Benji, of course), and went back and did so. It was a whole army of myself as different people lined up along the hill in the back yard of Blaine House. We marched past the castle of evil — Blaine House! I was declared captain of the left wing, but I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have my bow, but a friend let me borrow his. The enemies came from Blaine House — starting with storm troopers. I set the house and the nasties inside on fire with my will alone. The house began to burn. This Nazgul-like thing ran out past us with a baby and cut off its ears, nose, and tongue. . . . This was far too horrible for me and so the scene rotated 360 degrees and replayed itself in a less horrible way:

The Nazgul instead realized it wasn’t really Baby Thoofoo (or something that sounded like it was said with a speech impediment) and got a doll in a box, which it took to be the REAL baby, and bounced the end of a car on its face. Then the Nazgul flashed white and told the doll to teach others to love animals when it was older. It seemed to turn into MARIO at that point. The house was really burning by now.

I felt strong and unafraid throughout. But the use of Blaine House as a den of evil? It’s important. . . . Multiple Benjis from different times? Who was the baby? I had a fear of Blaine House burning as a kid and here I caused it?

References: SSU was the first college I went to. Captain Kirk and Picard from Star Trek. Nazgul are very evil characters from The Lord of the Rings. Storm Troopers are from Star Wars. Mario is the star of a video game I was playing at the time.

Context: I'm living in Berkeley for the summer.

I got a job in a little food place in a mall. The work came naturally to me. Some of the more experienced and relaxed workers asked if I wanted to go somewhere with them. I did, and this friendly guy took me for a drive to this arid place in Arizona that had an organization like the Berkeley Psychic Institute. The people there were friendly and immediately accepting. Buttercup joined us shortly afterwards.

There was a scene with a car driving over a small cliff. People were hanging out below, in an aloe plantation. I jumped down to join them, but realized that I was impaled by a cactus in the thigh. Concerned, the others pulled it out — like three feet of it! Then some others were injured and had to be fixed, but of course the wounds didn’t remain.

Much pleasantness! I dreamed of South Hall, with lots of crazy fun, like we have before classes start. Friends and I were climbing on furniture, giving away stickers, being loud, creating art, and playing together. At first, Brad H was the only familiar person there. The action spanned the lobby, the RC’s room, my room, and the bathroom. While playing in the lobby, I saw Buttercup on the couch and was overjoyed! In waking life I turned, wrapped myself around her, and squeezed her. Back in the dream we continued to play. South Hall was rotated from it’s E-W position to a N-S position.

Later: Super fun fun MarioLand! I jump on a butterfly, fly to the sun, jump on clouds, and pay an amount of coins for access to earthquake land! Now I’m Yoshi. I eat giant fruit, lay an egg, and a huge plant grows out of it with the fruit on top. Pears and Potatoes. Hugeness and fun.

Dreams like that make me wonder why I dream such things. Much joy in the dreams of last night, anyways. :)

References: South Hall was my dorm at Oberlin.

I was dreaming of a burning roller coaster. I intended to get my important things out of my room and save them before the fire came. Heh. Same old same old.

I dreamed what might have been a great Sci-Fi movie. We’re in the ocean. At certain times when we were motionless, the waves would ripple up and throw us to the shore and these strange unseen creatures would bellow.

I was part of a scientific group. We all tried our own experiments. I thought it would be cool if at certain points you could drop down a level into hell where the creatures were and see them. Then the next scientist would look for you and start sinking, so you’d grab his foot from below, and, scared, he’d pull you out. And we’d discover how to go to upwards, too.

I’ve been wanting it so badly and asking and asking. I found myself in a dim place. . . . Maybe in this room. . . . Yes, it might have been, with some who were psychic. One pointed out where a spirit was. It was a yellow substance, and I mixed it up with a stick to little effect. Then more people appeared, as guides, ready to take me out of my body. It was Buttercup, Kayla, and Marco (who I don’t know in waking life). Kayla, at times, appeared as her look-alike from Oberlin. I felt as big as the room, my head almost near the ceiling (perhaps I was floating)! Buttercup was out-of-body and took my hand while I was standing and lifted me. We floated up through the ceiling, through another floor and ceiling, then we were on the roof, the wooden roof with. . . . It was just like the roof here. It WAS the roof here! I was incredulous and glowing and so excited and full of energy! I tried to move and fly, but had trouble. Marco said he had been to church once and was touched by God and. . . . I don’t remember the conclusion. We sat on the roof with the stars above, smiling, floating, weightless. I kept feeling the pull of gravity, out of habit. How to fly? I turned belly-up and felt the expansiveness of the sky and began floating up! I experimented with this and got a little better.

Then I re-experienced going up through the ceilings. (Did I do it again or experience my own “memory” rote?)

I asked Buttercup if she’d gone to the moon or experienced flying all over or other people’s conversations and she said no and I wanted to do it all! I had to experience the moon and she and I teleported there and were afraid to look down and there was the earth off in the distance and we were afraid and returned instantly.

Perhaps with Marco’s help, I learned to fly and move. CLICK! I was suddenly involved in a story about some guy I was supposed to hate who had hurt “my girl” (this was Marco’s rote). I saw the guy and wanted to follow him around (in spirit form) to find out more. I followed him just by wanting to. The pull came from my chest. It felt like I stuck it out in the direction I wanted to go and floated in that direction.

Did I paste the identities of Buttercup and Kayla on these spirit-friends due to the intensity of love I felt from them? I might have, since Kayla changed to Oberlin Kayla.

Oh! And after the experience, I woke up in the class, thinking this had all happened during some sort of test. I went to tell my teacher, who had a moustache and big smile and was excited to hear about it. I was so happy, I was almost in tears! Was this my soul teacher? He had a familiar feel.. Like he was watching me . . . and I was looking into his eyes (again) when I woke up.

I woke up with a great deal of alertness, almost the same level of the out of body experience. It is real. No possible harm done. I was out-of-body!!!

And I knew it’d be a powerful dream night, too. As I fell asleep I said “I’m slowly, groggily, waking up.” And so now as I write, I’m falling . . . asleep. . . .:)

Bad dreams continue. Last night I dreamed I was in a violent frenzy killing off the undead coming after these two princesses at Blaine House. I was big and unstoppable and unafraid and cutting here and there. Amidst the frenzy, I cut off the legs of the two princesses. Then it became real. They tried to talk with me about it. I was sorry and wished it hadn’t happened. Then they tried to get between Buttercup and I. . . . Horrible. And after dreams like that I always start the day off on the wrong foot. Ugh.

Batman! This was more like it!

I had Buttercup’s car and it was loaded with stuff. This group of smart, funny kids ran by with a tent, giggling. I had to follow. There was some contest to see who could set their tent up the fastest. We tried different things and it was fun. There was a person there like Lark, and one like Brendan. We all decided to play Batman. We set up this elaborate game where we were in Gotham and I was supposed to save Buttercup. We all got caught up in the game and forgot what to do. I went after Newt Gingrich. Very weird.

But I woke up happy and sparky!

Crazy dreams woke me up. I just caught an early-night dream place that eluded me forever. It was a tall rounded hill with something like a tower arcology on top. There are towering heights and steep angles and hugeness. It’s a long climb up, like our Yosemite hike. There was a huge tree on the side of the hill. I got vertigo while climbing on it. After the tree is a lake. I’m frequently about three quarters of the way up the hill. There’s a stream and lush vegetation. There are houses and buildings all over the hillsides, separated by lots of fences and property lines. Each property is a different section, and I travel from one to the next. The smooth caves where I visit Kayla are here, on this hill.There are huge buildings and steel structures. I remember being here so many times!

Some of these properties I regularly visit, and I have routes up the hill that I repeatedly take. One route takes me up/across a huge tree that gives me vertigo, which leads to a property with lush greenery and a lake.

The way each property is divided into its own space but visible as a whole from outside is like an overview of the individual screens in the original Legend of Zelda game.

Image from https://www.zeldadungeon.net/

I’m walking down a busy road, and I see two short stubby people robbing two tourists. Then they turn to rob us. I have such a strong urge to smash their guns away, but Buttercup and I hold off. They take our money and as they turn to run, we move faster than possibility itself and throw them down, about to reverse-rob them.

In the high tower, two scary Oberlin girls see me and wave. I wave awkwardly because I don’t remember them. Then I accidentally wander into an Adams family reunion. I see my cousin Vince. We greet each other warmly. He notices that my interest is wandering to a guy there who is the inventor of DMT. I buy some from him, not bothering to conceal it. Vince is crushed and the whole family knows. I can feel their thoughts, their disapproval. It’s horrible. I find Brendan and demand that he follow me. . . . He does and we flee flee flee, escaping the scene with great emotion. We stop to chat. Then I remember acting crazy in a hospital room.

I catch Buttercup making out with Hiro and I’m horrified. Remembering that Hiro likes three-ways, I join in kissing them both. After a moment, Hiro detaches and floats away. A thought form! I get angry at Buttercup, but only after returning to the spot, and remembering it. I push her and walk way ahead of her.

The land of all possible Benji fears realized? One by one, on the journey up the hill?

It’s nearby, recent. . . . A great search for something, a yearning. I’m pretty sure the same place as yesterday, less fear in it. . . . Damn! It comes back slowly. My will appears as many subtle manipulations. I have a job, working for someone. . . .

Buttercup and I had just made it to the bottom of the hill. It had been a long journey, and far from this reality.

Other dreams seemed insignificant.

Back to the hill. I remember some voice telling about how America stifled this team from. . . . Italy? Brazil? The team was playing a game in Berkeley’s stadium on campus. We had been walking on a busy city road asking people for change. It felt like the city atop the hill by The Tower. That’s where I was when I woke up earlier this morning. All this was just a subset of a larger plot. . . . The city sucks, anyways. It was part of some attempt to get “the city” to pay for something.

I have been bitter and angry as I’m falling asleep these last few nights.. Fear pictures of all kinds. Ugly.

Context: Lance was my sister's boyfriend at the time.

I was in an airport, escaping my family perhaps? I stayed in McDonald’s without Buttercup, got rave fliers, and then went to Blaine House. I arrived at Blaine House, and Ruby helped me unpack. I was staying in what used to be my parents’ room, and Lance came to see me. The rave fliers, various knick-knacks, and surprisingly, all these sex toys were on the bed. Suddenly Lance is on his back with baby clothes on and shaving cream on his face and I’m sticking my plastic-wrapped toe into his butt. He makes some funny comments about how much he loves it but he wished my toe was backward. Why? Oh, to get his g-spot, of course. I told him how scared I was that Wadsworth would come in, and voila! Wadsworth charges in the door without knocking and does a double-take on Lance. I rush to cover the sex toys with a blanket. Wadsworth loses his shit and gets crazy mean. He tries poking his fingers into my life and I get vicious mad back. Lance has reverted back to himself, wearing a dark blue sport shirt, leaning back, and smiling. Then Emma comes in raging, and demands my shoes. I throw them at her (in waking life, my arm slams the bed) and say “fine, take them.” Then I change my mind and say “No, fuck you, they’re mine, I bought them.” They both gasp and look at me with hatred. Then Buttercup wakes me up.

I’m living with Buttercup and two others atop this building like the Co-op in Berkeley we almost lived in. This guy came by, trying to sell something. He peeked in the window and I pretended to be asleep. But then Buttercup came home and he tried to work his deal on her. She came in and embraced me. We ran around and played, ignoring him. He became dejected and started to trudge off. Finally I was ready to hear him. It was something about exercise, but he was too depressed and walked off.

I spied on him as he went to the next apartment. Still kinda down, he tried again. Someone answered the door and he convinced her to join a marching band (from some high school) who escorted her downstairs to the courtyard. He gave her some useless prizes. Buttercup, also watching, wanted the prizes. He came over and tried to convince us and I resisted. Buttercup accepted and so did some others.

Then I heard all these screechy scratchy sounds — emotions in the M-band! I could make out different ones — some happy, some depressed. I ran to go help and saw some weird party going on.

It was on the hill! I remember the long climb! There’s a halfway point up the hill I often stop at. There were such steep angles.

I made it to the top of the hill, near the gate for the arena’s fans. I met some selfish rich lady that was also a cat. She wanted me to pay for something for her, but I let some other poor sucker do it. At one point she dug her claws into my hands.

I also ran around being a cat. There were lots of stone steps and hallways. I found a tiny cat in a small hole in the steps. It was there with three white cats; a mother, a young cat, and a newborn, none of which would open their eyes. To clean the young ones, the mother ate them and then coughed them up. I thought these cats were tricks devised by Drax, the Merlin of the dream.

In the arena at the top of the hill with the tower, I was playing this game with another team. This was the big show. A huge crowd had gathered to watch and had made signs to cheer me on. My opponent had carried out a trick of major proportions to win, and I was instantly defeated (I’m assuming that Drax had something to do with this). I was bitter. It seemed that I hoped to outrun something, and that’s why I lost. Was our game called “try to see the best side of everything I throw at you?” Perhaps!

Now a device in the corner of the field began to shoot out this raw unformed astral matter across and over the field. Smaller balls of it all connected and joined into this big, floating ball. There were all these circle symbols on it that I was reading. My defeated friends and I decided to keep playing and reverse our loss. We made a bunch of hot-air balloons out of the big thought-form ball, and flew up into the baskets. Swirling around us were lanterns, and the mad hatter, and everything seemed to be alive like in musicals. We sailed past a big statue and some fruit and vegetable stands. Lots of people ended up in the balloons, including many old friends. The cloud of balloons, lanterns, and spontaneous creative forms began encircling the top of the hill and tower, then going up one side. It was not scary from this perspective.

Buttercup and I were in one of the hot air balloons, talking about how the way we just sang “The Mayor of Le’uvre” in perfect unison proved telepathy.

Waking up, I said out loud: “Were we just talking?” Buttercup: “I don’t know!”

I vividly remembered talking and singing together only a minute before.

I feel this hill is the specialty of other people. . . . It belongs to others and I’m just learning, that’s why I feel so powerless. Maybe I add the idea of technology to the grandness. This had the feel of the dream where I learned to work dream-magic. Perhaps I should relax and enjoy the game more, get less mad. It’s such craziness! Like Monty Python but so fucking deep and brilliant and real!

From twelve days later, “The Insanity Creature of the Tower”: The “games” the other night. It wasn’t against Drax, it was against the insanity creature (the physical body)! It recreates reality. One must be stronger than it. It is all selfish desires, weakness, and needs. That’s what the game was — to exert your reality, your fearlessness and good interpretation on every horrible thing it could throw at you.

A group of people were going in to explore “the caves” for the first time. The caves were like the Candle Caves in Minnesota. A group of school security folks were going in after them. Some friends and I snuck between the two groups to try to divert the security people in order to keep our caves a secret. But it somehow turned into a school function. There was a speaker, but all the students were sitting there, looking lifeless. The “football of speaking” came to me and I stood up and yelled “This is for the old Lollapalooza!” meaning the way the caves used to be. I kicked the football far away and forms of some of my old friends from high school rose from their seats cheering and gave me high-fives. Then I got really sloppy, missed high fives, and kicked Lard all over the place. That annoyed the sleepers. I tried to speak more and ran around making a ruckus.

References: The Candle Caves are caves in MN that I explored with friends in high school. I have no idea who Lard was.

I was playing pirate ship warfare with some friends. It seemed to be taking place with models in a really big pool. In each game we would shrink down to be aboard our own huge pirate ship. At first we just threw vegetables across the water at each other. Then we decided to start using cannons and it was really cool. When one of us would win, the scene would reset and we’d go again. So cool!

Context: We're living in Berkeley at the time.

Straightforward, easy-to-understand dreams tonight. I’ve been following desires, floating around through downtown San Francisco. I really am traveling around. I love this! Everything is being shown and explained to me. The Source is more aware, more alive, all in the now. It is clear and focused. It is the whole hologram, across all of time. Any knowledge you want.

Motivations move us forward. Belief in a goal increases our motivation. Focusing on a destination creates movement towards it.

I really feel as if I have been guided tonight. I’m so peacefully detached and unemotionally involved — only excited and fascinated by learning, not survival. That’s a great success. To be successful there, on the other side, we need to be stronger than our physical fears.

This is just coming to me so easily. I just figured I’d remember and didn’t need to write it down, because it’s so clear there. I really must explore this fearlessness more! Thank you, guide, very much.

A little later: I’m keeping consciousness in sight from my dreaming. It follows thoughts. When you think, it swirls and turns and expands out, emitting more of itself.

Buttercup and I communicate so subtly when sleeping. I sensed fear in her and gave her rhythmic squeeze pulses to remind her it was a dream, to remind her of the physical.

That evening: My dreams are close by.

I was with Buttercup, who became Juno due to the circumstances. We went into a place with a big digger and a screen hanging down. What you did there was to pick a US state and view its movie. You could stop it anywhere and hit the “digger” button and it was supposed to dig and collect soil samples. Then you could go back a little later and see what artifacts they found. The Minnesota movie was the best one, they said, and had won awards.

The movie that was playing was about me and Juno. I held the projector in my lap and moved closer to the screen to get more of it on the screen. I remember that within the movie, I asked Juno why it seemed like we weren’t having any fun hanging out or smiling. “Were things really like that?” We appeared for a moment in my Blaine House room. Then I remember she had never been my girlfriend. Was I expecting it to be like it was with Buttercup?

I don’t remember “digging” at any point. I went in a little later, and looked at the list of names waiting to use the device. Someone had jokingly written “butthead” in one of the slots, and I volunteered to take the slot.

LATER — I was running around and playing in this weird, fun, beachy strip mall. This blonde girl appears. Smiling, she recites this funny thing I said from earlier in the dream and I’m shocked — how did she know? Then she starts kissing me a lot and I kiss her at first but then try to resist.

The vividness and craziness of my dreams have kept me sleeping in longer than I want to this week. I dreamed about carnivorous dinosaurs and myself, and someone who helped me to be safe from them.

There was this big Christian retreat and I wanted to go up and speak but then also thought that was crazy and held myself back. I felt like I was OB because no one could see me and I did this rocking motion. I then tried to escape this place and had to first get my pen back from this kid who stole it. I did and told him to have a fun life as I was leaving.

I started high-speed traveling to this Northtown-like mall. I slowed down and saw this guy playing a driving game on a huge screen in the parking lot. He asked me if there were a lot of these around and I said I’d seen them everywhere. I watched him play the driving game.

References: Northtown was my local mall in Minnesota.

There’s a huge bald guy as the baddy. Hook is only half that size. He is collecting fairies, but Tink can come and make fairies non-physical by touching them and they stretch and escape. The bad guy’s captured fairies turn into blobby cocoons and develop into the next generation, including, apparently, Hook. I was Peter Pan there. It would be a great movie, worked on by Tim Burton and Jean-Pierre Jeunet for style. This was intended to add to my already huge collection of Peter Pan story ideas, which, upon waking, I discover I don’t recall at all.

A bunch of rebellious, fun-seeking guys and I are running around this school. Manville A climbed to the roof with a full backpack and set up this device that was like a propeller. It was huge and its effect was to increase everyone’s speed, like hitting the run button in video games. From within the school, we could hear the whir and the deep, throbbing pulse of it. It worked like it was supposed to — we sped around at super-speed. The school became a supermarket. After a while, the store owner whispered that he wanted us to leave. I wanted to destroy some of his stuff, but we left. Outside, Manville explained his contraption. He ran it with a Powerbook and it had some direct link or it would have taken forever to download. We had all these pieces, too.

Context: I'm sleeping in the same room with Emma and Ruby.

I wasn’t sure if I was truly awake, but I heard Emma and Ruby talking in their sleep. Randomly at first, then kinda together, then Ruby was singing and Emma joined in from time to time. They talked and it was as if I was only hearing half the conversation at times. I was somewhat bothered that it had woke me up and was going to ask them to be quiet, but instead dreamed that I recorded it on my portable tape recorder. I got a good bit, then the tape jammed.

Later, in another dream, I went to unjam it and checked to see if I had actually recorded it and I did, but it sounded a little different. Awake, I realized I didn’t actually record anything.

I had a dream earlier all about my spirit guide. I remember one flash right now of him wearing a daredevil helmet and a funny suit. I knew we had had some past life together which was also in this dream.

OH MY GOD!

The hill with the Tower is actually a pretty place, and ancient.

There was this horrible thing, like pink flesh filling a cup. It had one eye and one mouth. Its eye was wrinkled and unfocused, or focused elsewhere. This was the insanity creature, which we thought we had contained. I was so curious, and asked to take it somewhere.

There was a familiar girl with me, a friend. We were dressed in white clothing. We escorted the thing together, but I couldn’t close the cup. Once inside the Tower, the test began.

Inside, the light was dim. In the middle there was a big, black orrery (a mechanical solar system model) on a big raised dais — like Augra’s from The Dark Crystal. Everything was in a black obsidian style, reminding me of a business office in the 90’s. It was mostly empty.

The teacher had found a new herb, it was the opposite effect of marijuana, reversed it, he said, produced a purplish hazy effect. It was called . . . bolero? The leaves were thin with little symmetrical holes in them. The teacher was prepping me.

We walked up a set of wide steps. There was some horrible equipment belonging to the girl: a head clamp, a draining device, mirrors, and various horrible things. The insanity creature in the cup had given me two arm-length, erect penises, and put me on display, for all to see. I tried to hide them, but they were so nice, one had to be proud. It may have been done through the mirrors — I saw myself with them in the reflection. The mirrors lie — it isn’t your reflection.

She removed my glasses and I could still see fine, which proved to me that it was the spirit world. I calculated the picture instead of seeing it, seeing clear lines with light haze around them.

She lured me to her. I was so horny, I almost. . . . I wouldn’t let her go. I needed to be inside her, with both raging hard penises that the thing had given to me. I needed it so badly. That’s all I could think about. She changed and grew and shrunk, and I was forcing myself closer to her. I needed her, and she said yes but only if she could do it her way. I finally gave in and said yes. The moment I agreed, it was already over.

She had given me some intense drug, and used the draining equipment. The light was strobing. She was teasing me — she wasn’t going to let me have any; she never was.

Then Guido R and someone else came down. I pulled out of the drug madness and looked around. I recognized a sign and said it was Banana House. They smugly said “yes it is.” But it wasn’t — it was the Tower. I could control the drug-induced madness at times, but it snuck in everywhere, through those little mirrors that reflected out lies.

The strobing light and drug weirdness were to confuse me, but I stood up, walked around, and cleared my head. I turned off the strobe, almost became lucid, then woke up. That was my success. I got my dream!

I’m fighting this madness every night! See “Thought Form Games at Arcology Hill Stadium”. The games weren’t against Drax, they were against the insanity creature! It recreates reality. One must be stronger than it. It is all selfish desires, weakness, and needs.

That place was as solid and real as anything. This awareness isn’t the full story by far. Life is a dream, but that was fucking scary. Somehow, I know more of who I am, what I am doing now. I feel more complete.

I guess I’ll go back to sleep and see what happens. It’s 3:15 AM now. I’m uncertain what time I first went to sleep.

Later: In front of Blaine House, there are lots of big clear tornadoes coming from the west. I was outside, holding onto trees, but even they were being pulled up. So I went to the basement and it was small, weird, and empty of furniture. There were some other people there, too.

References: Banana House was the house I lived in at Oberlin. Guido R lived there too.

Just before I awoke, I was dreaming of Oberlin, that I left my Mulla Sadra book in the church and when I went to recover it, I found that others were about to read it and pass it around. I leapt on them and took it, uttering enchantments from hell upon the one who resisted me. Inside were my comics, nothing more. There was an ice blizzard outside at the time. Bleck.

I’m in some big fields in the back of a school and the tornadoes start coming. They come in waves, and there are more than 18. I hold onto a big slab of concrete with some other person. After they pass, I dodge lightning and leap electrical wires. I’m proud of my survival abilities.

I go back to Blaine House to see how they’re all doing. I start leaping on the way. The longer I hold it, the higher I rise. I love it tremendously.

It’s a glorious bright land and I’m flying through the air! There’s a small airfield with a warehouse on it and a Robotech Mac-like vehicle. In the front are lots of flat fields, and a forest surrounds it. Behind it is this big cliff where a watch tower is, watching over the place, commanding the stuff below. We move to the left of the airfield and down to my favorite take-off hill. It has grass and stones on it, and a wall behind it. There are birds everywhere — there’s barely a place to land!

My favorite place to take off is a hill in the aviary. When I do, it feels like gravity slowly pulls me down unless I feel a lightness in my center (my 4th chakra area). The chakra glows, becomes fuzzy-edged and see-through, and it lifts me. I couldn’t get enough flying. I felt so free and kept doing it over and over. There were some beginners with me who wouldn’t try as often as I. At one point a friend and I got out the Robotech machinery and were firing either bullet or blast rounds at a general store across the way. I’ve dreamed of this setup before, where it’s a large, flat airfield with a cliff at one end. We fire things across in a sort of friendly pseudo-war. It’s a deep night dream.

I’m flying, then FLASH — I’m visiting and pestering Kayla. She has a date for something but it doesn’t bother me. I try to do backflips but it’s hard. This feels more “real” and so I felt I couldn’t fly here. Kayla and her date get on a bus and I join them. As the bus starts to move, she complains to a girlfriend of hers who’s having sex. Since she’s annoyed, I say “Hey, let’s go to sleep! Do you fly? I’ll take you to this place!” I settle down to sleep on the bus, but instead of going to the Aviary, I drift awake in the physical.

References: Robotech is an animated sci-fi series.

Oh freedom, oh freedom, oh thank all the heavens and stars, thank God and life and dreams for freedom! I dreamed of being in a nasty movie, but it was real to me. There was such hatred and cruelty. People were being killed left and right. Mobs were killing people’s family members. I fled and was able to escape, but then I came back to see how it ended. I was shot and shot others in return. I was taken away by police, and sentenced to 26 months in jail, just when I was going to see Buttercup again, finish college, and see all my friends. I was devastated, crushed, crying in my sleep. . . . And then I woke up to such freedom and happiness!

I was having an ole fashioned “rational” dream of the week with Emma and Ruby, and we were all sleeping. Well, I crawled out of bed and went into the next room. There were these rays of moonlight and in them appeared this this ghost-like image of a small boy. I was upset before but suddenly felt such love for this boy. He reminded me of my youth. I asked him questions and he knew all the answers and perhaps his answers sent me into other dreams. . . . But it was intense and I swore I’d believe in these spirits. This was proof. Then the Science Of Mind Church fellow appeared and he helped me do some stuff or talked to me or something and I didn’t like him too much. But he seemed legit enough.

I’m speeding towards Blaine House, on the trip through Minnesota to Oberlin. A police car starts to follow me with its lights on. I ignore it and keep driving. It eventually disappears. But then when I stop in this mall, a bunch of police cars surround me and take me in. I’m processed at the police station. I’m so upset that I’m crying. I ask how long they’ll jail me. A woman starts counting the days and it looks like 2 months at least. I’m freaking out and ask her to shorten it. I’m able to speed the processing with some money from Wadsworth, and it turns out to only be a week.

So I’m put “in jail” in this hotel and dining establishment which has the police staton in it. I’m eating with Buttercup in this booth next to William Shatner (Bill), Leonard Nimoy (Leo), and Dr. McCoy (Bones). I gasped upon seeing them. Bill and Leo went to return their dishes and I began talking to Bones. He kisses me on the lips on two different occasions. It’s kinda awkward but I manage to strike up some good conversation. The others come back and we move upstairs to hang out and talk. It’s fun and friendly. They do the pass-a-story game for fun — clarifying that they don’t really write Star Trek episodes like that. They’re laughing and talking as we make up new episodes. Bill gives me a comic torn out from a newspaper. After a while, morning is coming and they leave. I bounce all around telling everyone.

Then I’m in the back yard of Blaine House on the hill with swarming earthworms and green caterpillars many feet deep. Gross!

I was performing at this rock concert with lots of others on the strangest stage. After playing the first part of a song, I started to wonder how it was that I knew this song, at which point I forgot the rest. Then I was just messing around, trying to play some song I knew. Everyone joined in, and it went really well. Then I started reading this thing to opera music in the opera style and it was really funny. But I couldn’t see the words so well so someone else took over.

Later, while playing in a yard with cats, Muffin came up to me, wise and radiant. She began speaking with me, and I felt so happy. I asked about Estragon, and found her. She was scraggly, fat, and ran away from me. But Muffin was so wonderful to see again.

References: Muffin was my first cat, and Estragon was my second. Both had long since passed on.

I’m on a mountain with a friend. He has this tube of vaseline-like gel that he tells me is some powerful drug. We taste some and immediately go wacky. Then I have to make this dangerous journey across little rope ladders to get two more packages from this guy. He warns us that we’ll die if we eat a whole one.

I sort of got a job at the Feve. I don’t know if the owner knew and they didn’t train me too well. It took over an hour to get my first customer’s order right and I couldn’t understand what she wanted or the price or how to make it. I kept losing the paper I was writing on. I felt so bad and it sucked.

References: The Feve is a cafe in Oberlin.

It’s a big war, and I’m going all about, clubbing and stabbing. The enemy is ugly and orc-like. A really big Indian fellow from our side is collecting all the discarded weapons in a pile, probably to fix later. Someone told me I had to pierce him with a spear to make him leave, so I did. But he was on my side and I don’t know why I did.

There have been these meetings with the manly-man army that gathered a while back to battle Blaine-house. There seems to be a war.

It was night, and there are all these Oberlin parties. At one, we’re off by some pine trees a little ways away from the party. Someone says “Didn’t I see your Wadsworth rubbing up against himself at the last party?” “Unlikely”, I said. Then Wadsworth walks up from the road and says hello. I’m totally shocked. He tells me about himself recently, how he’s bought some vintage . . . like “WarCat” or “HellCat” missiles and other crazy stuff. He told me that he was shamed, and was going to kill himself tomorrow. Because of the divorce, he, a respectable man, is being searched wherever he goes — his bag on the plane, his hotel room broken into and searched. So he’s going to kill himself. I tried to play it off, to say “Oh, really? That’s nice.” I think it’s really weird and am really freaked out by his appearance at my college.

I might have gone inside to tell Buttercup, but end up outside with him again, on the docks. He uses all these manipulations and tries to get me to have sex with him and even takes on the image of a naked woman that looks kinda like Buttercup. Finally I escaped him and ran back towards the party yelling “Call the police! Call the police NOW!” I ran inside. There was a moment where it was clear to me that angels were trying as hard as anything to stop or destroy him because he was the antichrist. I was yelling to everyone “Leave the house immediately! Someone has a bomb! Get far away!” Only half of the people were leaving, due to their drugged-up state. Police arrived and pursued Wadsworth. I ran and ran, seeing little groups of others running away off in the distance.

When I got far enough away, I turned and looked at the little house. I saw little lights, flames from Wadsworth’s HellCat missiles, going up into the night sky. The first one I thought was headed for Finney Chapel (then I thought it was a different college), then one for another school and for different places where I had friends. . . . I knew I was going to be alone. Then one missile went straight up, half-lit like a firework as it hit a helicopter, which then fell to the earth and exploded. Everything turned black and white as the explosion slowly filled land and sky, rocketing outward, lifting huge chunks of earth into the sky. The explosion came closer and closer, with no sign of stopping. I knew I was nowhere NEAR far enough and began to run, then turned and resigned myself to my fate.

“But”, I thought, “here’s what would have happened in another version.” It was prelaunch time again. The missiles all went up, but not the Oberlin one, somehow, or it hadn’t killed everyone. There was dirt all over the somewhat diminished crowd outside the house. Then there was a scene in the town nearby where I was looking for survivors, but most people there were fine.

References: Finney Chapel is a building at Oberlin.

Ruby and I are rafting through “the Islands” dream land area. We do this for a while. Then we return to the resort because it’s a family vacation. There’s this big waterslide of wood that we start rafting down. Then this over-tanned barbie doll woman in pink (could be Minnie or Bert’s ex) starts bitching at us. I flick her off, then play some nasty terrible pranks on her with the help of the resort staff. Then she plays a trick on me by removing the bottom curve panel of wood on the slide so we go right into the water.

Then I’m at a table with Uncle and another guy. We’ve asked the waiter to play a trick on Uncle. Uncle is a vegetarian and the waiter has brought him meat. Then the waiter cuts his eggs and throws a bit on the floor. Then he flicks a half-eaten shriveled sausage across the table onto his pancakes, saying “Here’s your raisin, sir.” The waiter is so animated and funny. Then he moons Uncle from outside and comes back and calls him an asshole. Then he brings his “ice cream”: a frothy mixture in a white cup, almost all foam. It’s horrible tasting and on the side are written all kinds of things such as “You are an uncivilized toad.” The waiter dances around mockingly as he reads these things to him. My God, I had to try so hard not to burst out laughing. Uncle was so flustered he didn’t know what to do!

There was a party at Banana House. The house was much bigger than usual, and I think it was located at the bottom of Arcology Hill. I was watching the door, but mostly just sitting on our extra-big porch playing music. I had a guitar and amp. I played “When I Was Younger”, and then I was making up really good stuff on the spot. The inside of Banana House was blackened and dead and empty. . . . Now that I think of it, it was kinda like The Tower. There were lots of people, and they were out on the lawn, either milling about or in line. They were enjoying my music. At one point I left for a while. When I came back, they were mostly dispersed. I went inside to get the rest of the people out, and then discovered some on the roof. They had covered our roof and the neighbors with colored blankets and towels. Fearing trouble, I said they had to take them off, so they did. I had to rescue the cats from the neighbor’s roof, too.

The Tower is very high tech, but around a corner, it’s eaten away, revealing a wooden frame. Stairs lead to this mall-like place. Nomads live in the wooden part.

References: I lived in Banana House was where I lived at Oberlin.

It began as a ride at the fair. I was in a little roller coaster car on this track on the side of a mountain. At one point the car flew up at the peak and jumped this rock. I realized then that gravity didn’t matter so much. I jumped the next peak and began to fly. I was flying fast through this jagged mountain range with steep angles. When I landed I had this total physical body rush. It was so grand. Then I heard a voice say “No one deserves to fly right now more than you, Benji.” The rocks I was on broke off the mountainside and I had the hugest free fall into the river below. The river was a glowing blue color, as if it was evening and very cold. I awoke when I hit the water. So crazy cool!

I was working as the ticket-taker for this ride that, if not on the top of The Tower on Arcology Hill, was nearby. It was $4 and I was taking over for a friend. Everyone had these excuses for not having to pay and were sneaking by and soon there was a mad rush. I became hard-ass and started kicking people off the cars if they didn’t have tickets. It reminded me of the challenge on the stadium field and the balloons.

I was at SSU again, during orientation. Buttercup was with me. I was there to visit Juno. We had to stay in a dorm, and were assigned to the Dark Tower, so I think that might be SSU. Buttercup and I were allowed to sleep in the same room. She took a shower and a sizable stream of water flowed out the door and joined with one of the two streams running down each side of the spiral hallway. I tried to call Juno repeatedly and failed. One time, I encountered the rudest phone operator lady ever. She went crazy, and I chewed her out big time.

This is all very familiar. I’ve been here before and had trouble contacting my friends. Everyone there was like new college students at orientation, walking around with pamphlets and folders. The sky is always ominous and cloudy, and the light is like early morning. There are other buildings up the road. I know this place very, very well. The doors to rooms were black, and all the same and kinda run down. The DARK TOWER is the main dorm there, the main building and receiving area. Most everything in this SSU/Dark Tower isn’t working yet, but you can explore. The beginning lake part of the drive is like the curving forested roads along Lake Minnetonka.

At one point, I see a place called “Dante’s” in a newspaper ad. It had an image, and the hills/dome behind on top of it reminded me of The Tower on Arcology Hill.

References: SSU is the first college I went to.

I’m hanging out with various people, and it’s my birthday. . . . During one discussion, I remember people were dying, and I was following spirits out of their bodies into the vast sky.

The new comic shop owner had totally refurbished the place and it was filled with products and toys. There were 2 decks of Necropolis Park, and some other guy got one and I took the other. There were 20 cards and had lots of misprints and such and I wanted only to buy singles from it, but could only buy sheets of 10 cards and such and was looking through them, deciding, and they became Magic cards with X-Men stuff on back.

There was some madness about a ferris wheel and people chasing after me, trying to get something. . . . It wasn’t scary, but trouble was brewing. . . . Running through the woods I started to super-leap, the precursor to flight. The fam was there, camping. . . . Wish I could remember more. This part of the dream was from pictures on the Magic Cards.

References: Necropolis Park was a Guardians collectible card game (CCG) expansion. Magic is another CCG.

Buttercup got some sex books which came with porn movies. I was curious and wanted to watch some. So I did and then I became a character in them. It was a porn-farce where I was the guy who had taken this new drug that made me so erect that I ripped free from my pants. There were 6 women having a sleepover party in this hotel and they wanted to get some of me badly but I kept running away. They were naked, acting seductive, and chasing me. I escaped to the shower, took a wiz, and masturbated. The hardness faded and I went back to the scientist for a cure, which was a bright-enough lightbulb. But before the lightbulb got bright enough, it broke. We were all shocked, and I ran off with a fresh new huge boner.

I zoomed in from far above to a civil war scene in the south. An army in blue was riding back to camp. The focus was on the lead slave in this group of slaves on horseback. As he was riding into camp, I jumped into him, lost balance, and fell off the horse. The captain demoted me to a lower rank. Then I sat on a log with this lanky blonde fellah and couldn’t understand a word he was saying.

Then I was in a classroom filled with young, grey-uniformed soldiers. I was trying hard to do well, to be the master’s best soldier, though I didn’t plan on going to war. There were hurdles and blue clown uniforms.

Context: I had seen a wild scorpion earlier.

Buttercup and I just arrived at her Nana’s last night, and I saw my first live scorpion. Thus:

I dream of scorpions! The majority of this dream was my Blaine House room with the waterbed and closet. Someone had infested my room with scorpions! It started with just one, then there were more and more. I squashed the first one, then started cutting the others in half with a scissors which made some freak out and go crazy. There was a huge king and queen scorpion in my bed and thousands of little baby ones all over it. I was scared of them, but someone else was helping me to snip them up and throw them away. Downstairs it was more like Banana House and another, better place. There was a big party we were hosting and we had a pool. There were people getting naked and such craziness.

The mazes! I’ve been here many times. It’s a deeper spiritual place, where angles are steeper, and there’s a hill with a tower reminiscent of The Tower, but much smaller. On top of the left hill is a crazy maze of dark, murky stone. I’ve been there many times before and had such fun exploring and trying to find out its secrets. On the top level are three rooms where the brickwork allows you to see inside. Getting to one of them is easy, one is medium, and one is very hard. There are many tunnels below, and possibly a river. One place is an upraised circular platform whose stonework floor has one loose stone which you can remove and that’s how you go onward — into that hole.

The dream was of a younger me, it seemed, or maybe it was just that I had lots of high school friends around. We were looking for a flashlight. I made one work. Lewis grabbed it and was flipping it on and off a lot. So I took it back. Oh! There were two young fellows that had found their way to the back wall corridor and I asked them to show me how they got there and they said they would but I never saw them again. I sense that these are passages to other dream locations.

References: Lewis was a frenemy in high school.

Then was one in Blaine House backyard. Brendan and I and Sue and Sue (two of the same Sue) were hanging out, I was joking about the fridges/soda fridges we had and sleeping in them when it was hot. The perspective of dreams from the back yard of Blaine House is always the same — never do I look from the backyard to the house, I’m always looking out. Except for the Benji warriors scene in “Army of Me” where we were focused on attacking the house.

As I’m napping with Buttercup, I come to remember last night’s horror, and why I didn’t want to remember it, and why I awoke in such a bad mood: Buttercup and I were on Arcology Hill, maybe a third of the way up the hill. It’s near the fern and lake area in the little valley. Our room was a bunch of crudely nailed boards up high above a natural scene, like an attic in the trees. It had steep angles and was very high up.

We had many visitors. One of the visitors was the devil. I had started accepting him around, since he was so unobtrusive, even talking to him a little. I still didn’t like him. But once, on accident, I left our perch, and left Buttercup alone with him. As I returned, I saw him leaving and I realized what I had done, and, uncertain, I even waved goodbye to him. When I found Buttercup, she was crying. He had tried to do something to her and I was filled with such a rage. My perspective rose higher after this. . . . I woke up in the worst ever mood.

Unbelievable! I woke up laughing — what a fucking trip! I’ve never dreamed anything like it! I feel like this is The Tower, in disguise. Here goes.

I overheard talk about some big surgery of the ribs for me. Next thing I knew I was drifting out of a deeply anesthetized state to overhear a nurse say to a doctor: “Yeah we separate the body into two pieces during this surgery. We take the hips and below to a whole other place.” I blearily said “Is that so, nurse? Guess I’m not supposed to be awake to hear that,” in a humorous way, grinning at her shocked expression. They took me to a little place with huge paper towels and made this long ripping sound with them as they anesthetized me further. Then they separated me in two, saying “and this side goes left and this side never was.”

Next I saw Emma & Ruby in a waiting room and this sick dorky happy music comes on — their sign to take me to my “special meal.” As we went, I was bobbing up and down slightly, to give the illusion that I was walking. But I was suspended by rubber bands, being lifted and lowered slowly as if I was walking. We walked past a mirror set up to reflect only my top half. We walked a long way, past many people, and finally with big grins they said “And here’s your special place, all relaxed so you can lounge out like a king.” They lay me down on this stupid-looking denim beanbag with an upper torso paraplegic indentation on it. I speak through my drugged state: “This is all well and good except I have no legs. It’s really quite a show you put on. Is it okay to be awake?” They assured me it was okay to get more lucid. My voice was all gravely, so I asked Emma if they’d hooked up my vocal chords wrong. She said probably not. She said they’d checked all my fillings, and given me a whole new set of skin, because the old skin on my arms had gotten old and grey. They held up a mirror to my face. It was powder white with light brown crevices. Truly disgusting. I imagined my cool brand-name tattoo in light purple. They assured me it was very cool looking. I realized that I wasn’t a male right then and missed my bottom half. Then I woke up, laughing as I realized it was a dream. My God!

Preceding this was Banana House as a big wooden warehouse. It used to be a restaurant, I think. Buttercup and I lived upstairs, like in the last dream. Guido and I were throwing a lot of food around, up and down the balcony. Will was there, and everyone was drinking or on drugs. The previous scene came right outta here, somehow. Perhaps from Buttercup and my room. . . . SO WEIRD!

Several times this morning, while sleeping in, I found myself looking out at the room around me, in a kind of tunnel vision, not entirely focused. Then I’d get very excited and wonder if my eyes were open. They weren’t! I saw Gandalf as a kitten.

Dreams: I’m in a haunted house ride. I think Buttercup is with me. It’s a miniature haunted house and boring at first, but then the car seems to plunge off the track through this door in the floor into this super nasty haunted house! It has all the keen effects of dreamland, fuzzy visually blurred places and mysterious shades. Mirrors up ahead on either side of the hall are reflecting hideous pictures of us back. Then it dumped me/us into this grocery store. . . .

References: Gandalf was Buttercup's cat when she was younger.

I was fighting viciously with Wadsworth & Emma (I called them and left messages last night). At one point I was crying loudly and half woke up and thought I might be crying out loud but I wasn’t.

Later on, Buttercup awoke me and her voice broke into a conversation in the dream I was having at the same audio level.

There was a plane that crashed in the coastal town near the ocean. Sid and Buttercup called me on a CB radio and then came by. I said “Thank goodness, my friends are here!” I went out and joined them, frolicking in the sunshine. It was clear, vast, beautiful, sunny. It felt like Northern Exposure in some ways, with small coastal towns.

References: Northern Exposure was a TV show set in Alaska.

I was looking for help and actually got it from a police officer. I was surprised. He drove me to a phone where I could call Buttercup and he gave me her number. I thanked him.

In waking life, Buttercup’s about to receive a letter from her worst enemy — a horrid guy from her past. I dream of her, myself, and some friends going to this psychology courthouse. There are a bunch of cases going on and we sit on a sofa in a section by the defense. In comes her enemy, his gross friend, and his nasty family. They are mean, sexist, egotistical, hateful, and irrational. The proceedings begin. The judge is overcome with disbelief at how bad their arguments are and how irrelevant everything they say is. I look over at Buttercup next to me and the person on the other side of her leans forward and it’s Buttercup, too! Then I peer past them and the other two are Buttercup as well. I’m shocked and I look over at her enemy’s family across the way. As I watch his nasty Emma talk, she morphs into Buttercup. I watch carefully and she switches back, then does it again. It was a brilliant morph, convincing as anything. She said something about how abnormal Buttercup was. Buttercup starts crying and I comfort her, thinking “If that’s normal. . . . ”

Then I start seeing things in green, orange, and purple. Everything is super bright with colors bleeding outside the lines and person-sized splotches in the air. I whisper to Buttercup how immature those people are and she says I should say that out loud. I believe I rehearsed saying it (in practice) but actually didn’t.

I was looking at a very long picture on the wall. It showed this trail of glowing rocks, suggesting an unseen river of lava. The rocks looked like glowing salt crystals with red and yellow lights in the center of them. I was fascinated and went into the picture. I was walking along the path among the rocks. At the trailhead was an exposed portion of an underground river. The water was hot and I couldn’t see into the crevice from which it came and went.

After visiting the lava trail, I went back to the suburbs and there were these thin-trunked, flat-topped spires along the sidewalk. I was jumping along the top of them and they were remarkably sturdy. These, too, gave the sense of lava or a liquid having swept through and eaten away about 4-15 feet of land around them, leaving behind the crystals and spires. . . . AND the lands here around the lava trail may be near the circular dirt trail, the ocean, and the renaissance fair. These are the in-between lands. Happy and strange. More vast and spread out but less steep than the really deep steep ones. . . . AND these last few nights before I wake up, I’ve noticed I’m looking at the blinds and around the room with my eyes closed. It’s 70% accurate and tunnel-vision. Wow!

CRAZY! The Cloerma of Badgerdoo (or something like it) was the name of this game. It had full VR headgear, and players would walk around in real rooms while the game projected onto the surfaces. There were these large colored drug wafers that you’d take before playing. You’d break it in half and share with another player. The first four worlds were fun. Then there was an intro Aliens (the movie) world and a full Aliens world, both of which were really intense. Only the fifth and last world required the drugs, I think.

Ranier and Sid decided to play while I watched from outside the VR. They were at the level of the fairy-type beings who were suffering from a sickness. They had no pupils and their skin was stained black around their eyes. Worst of all, they went into these fits. It was supposedly scarier than Aliens. You couldn’t play in your room because the sickness would infest all your ultraviolet/neon colors and mess them up, and wreck some of your paper. . . . Then it would ruin everything and spread. I let them play and they walked to my room because that’s where all the supplies were (according to the game’s projected environment). Sid tried going in first but I kicked him out, yet somehow they made it in. I was mad that my room was contaminated. They didn’t seem too scared, only curious. I wished I knew what was going on in the game. This may have been in the Dark Tower. I think it was.

I was at a performance of Tori Amos at an elementary school (Tori’s music came on to wake me up) and I was up on stage sitting next to her, trying to figure out how to play her songs. I think I learned some of it. Then I started dancing and then I got out this color-flashing hat and started flying and spinning and jumping and dancing and shooting around. So much activity that I awoke in a sweat!

Anyway, I finally sat down and hid the hat, thinking that everyone’s left, but there were still tons of kids there. One ran up to me and saw no hat on me, so he went onto the stage and grabbed one, thinking it mine. He brought it to me. I shook my head. He was sad and gave it to someone who lost his. Actually, mine was under my chair.

After looking through some book stores, Buttercup and I are back at Oxford 2. I go to get some Guardians cards. There’s a deal where I can trade in a book or two for their value and I do. I end up with about 16 packs. Buttercup had some idea to get the packs wet and I started to do it, then asked “What?!”

Then we’re at the ocean. I’m sitting on the warm sand, opening some packs. The cards are cool beyond description, all ones I’ve never seen before, fun and powerful. These two boys (from the flying dream) are there asking questions about my cards. I like these kids. They look up to me. I see some other kids playing in the waves. One has built a wall of big stones, four across. Then a big wave comes in so far it catches me. I hold the cards above my head to protect them.

After getting some great demon cards, I appear underground in this corridor with Buttercup and some others. It’s lit by this immense lava flow in the room just beyond us. The lava flow is going crazy, flowing rapidly through the room. The sound is deafening and everything has a deep, flashing red tint.

Then someone brings me these two “special artist packs.” I’m thrilled as I look through demon and devil cards made by some wonderful artists. I become nervous about the lava and decide to see where the tunnel to the left goes. I run down it and there is a green haze. Further on it ends in a gate at this store’s basement.

The store’s owner is surprised and afraid at the sight of me. I explain where I came from but he doesn’t believe me. He comes with me to the gate and begins trying to trick me. His employees are running about trying to shut the gate on me but I run back into the tunnel anyways with some friends who are brave enough to help.

Buttercup, I, and a friend are now running through the tunnel on the other side. As we continue, it steadily brightens and ahead of us we see the mall across from Rainbow Foods. There’s fresh snow on the ground outside. Remembering my cards, I ask Buttercup where they are and she says I left them behind. I say “No! I couldn’t have! My dream skipped and there was only black there!” We go outside and see a purple-orange sun in the sky, looking so strange, and giving off this horrible sound. Power was failing and cars were sliding sideways towards us.

I wake up to the year’s first snow.

References: Guardians is a collectible card game. Oxford 2 is a comic book store.

I dreamed of being in a hotel room with Emma and Ruby and there was this bunch of mobster fellows there for me and I started on this killing rampage like some real hard-ass gangster jerk and then there was the big question of going to jail or getting caught, which I dispelled by saying the hotel was gunshot soundproof and they had an early morning body clean-up service.

But then I thought further and did some experiments: It was cold outside and I actually felt it. I was tired, and I had to go to the bathroom — not dreamlike things. . . . But somehow I realized it was a dream and gave Ruby a big hug because I hadn’t seen her in so long. And I lifted the blankets and garbage from the floor and there were no bodies. Gray curved rods represented the others.

The sky is clear and sunny. Buttercup and I are in a car, road tripping through pine woods when the road gets really crazy. At one point, it turns into big, white boulders, and we’re skimming over the surface of them at 80mph. Then there are these long sections driving on the river, on a road-like trail of seaweed. We’re still going 60mph and skim over the top of the water long distances before sinking down. I’m worried about my journal getting wet and it immediately splits into a wet half and a dry half. I put the dry half in a plastic bag and then call for help. I try to paddle what’s left of the car to the shore. There are others around, too.

Someone’s telling me about their experience and I start living it: I (as him) go with someone to interview this religious fellow. We go to talk to him and he’s rude and disgusting. He/I sarcastically say “Oh, how loving and compassionate. What a holy man.” He sends us upstairs to talk to someone else, who brushes us off. Then when pressured, he allows an interview and starts talking about where he and the religious guy came from, including their high school. He tells us about some play that grades 30, 60, & 880 put on that was big and national. They did something with a knight whose leg was cut off and he explained the trick they used to do it (he was contorting). A rascally dwarf type of guy there said to me “You should enjoy this, it’s humor!”

Tonight’s disguise for The Tower is Irene’s. It’s the tower alright, but alive and in business. Bruce’s teaching me and some girl how to close.. There’s some simultaneous scene on the hill outside. All wacky and weirdness, not finished in time. We’re traveling to some other dimension.. Moving, where Buttercup’s and my house is on the hillside.

References: Irene's a cafe in Oberlin. Bruce was my boss.

I’m in this dark sky land, in a dim house, purporting to be mine. I’m cleaning, sweeping the floor. While sweeping around my three guitars (my electric, an acoustic, and an acoustic from Buttercup), I accidentally knocked over two of them and the necks broke. I knew they couldn’t be repaired and emotion welled up. I thought “might as well cry” and I did, but I heard it from another level (one closer to waking but still dreaming). This woke my consciousness. I realized I was dreaming and got over it.

[I’m at a Tori concert in the Westwood Elementary gym]

I imagined my hands moving along with hers, playing the notes of “Horses” or “Flying Dutchman”. She started making lots of mistakes, then stopped playing. Now I was back in the crowd. This elementary kid laid his head on my belly and that was okay. He started biting it and that wasn’t. I moved up close to the stage and he came with me. Tori noticed this coupon I had for a free plane ticket to Florida. I playfully tried to sell it to her but she didn’t want to play and I felt foolish. I just gave it to her.

Next thing I remember, we’re on a full-sized airplane in the gym. Ah! The plane to Florida became real! I started driving it but didn’t know how. We were now taxiing around the gym. I was trying to figure out how to stop but I couldn’t and we broke through a wall. There were cheers, so I figured it was okay to destroy the set. I kept the plane going and more and more of the wall came down.

Outside was a higher realm, near wheat fields and lava flows. There was a big hill and green trees and redwoods. Oh! It was near the new campgrounds! I taxied the plane down a road. I saw lots of trees and a few buildings I could demolish, but was hesitant. “What’s the budget of this movie?” I felt bad about destroying this new place. I got out of the plane and swore I’d push the huge aircraft back up the hill. I actually did! Near the top of the hill was a stump with orange glass boots in it. A guy there asked my name, then called me a pussy with a pussy name. He was weird. I mostly ignored him. The sky was blue with puffy clouds, but there were blurred dark spots in it.

Earlier: I was wearing my soccer uniform, looking for the Blaine team to join them but it was already the semifinals in the tourney. Eventually, Coach Broadwise came to me and laid it down. He said I could’ve been a captain if I’d stuck with it. It was too late now and my indecision cost me. I was thinking he must be a spirit guide. This dream was interrupted.

References: Tori Amos is a musician. Coach Broadwise was my soccer coach.

Just as I became a policeman the other day, I became a fireman last night. We got a call and the other fireman showed me where the truck was. We arrived at the house that called and it belonged to Wadsworth! He said the house was very hot, and showed us these strange dim green flames in the sink and ceiling of the bathroom whenever he turned off the light. We eventually found that there was a small potbelly heater on the second floor that was on full blast no matter what. We went to the basement next. The ground was dirt, crusted like the hot pools in Yellowstone. In the center was a little fire well flexing about. There was a strange cream cheese substance in all the pipes and one pipe spat some out from time to time. I went to Wadsworth and gave him 4 choices: 1) call some psychics and healers to heal the house and send away the spirits, 2) call a heating man, 3) call a plumber, and 4) move out RIGHT NOW. I spent the night there. Ruby was there too. At one point, I stood up in bed and demanded that all spirits leave this place.

Upon “waking” there I realized my room was horribly tilted and this liquified cream cheese was trickling out of the bathroom towards my room. I ran to the basement and the stairs going up were melted into a V-shape instead of the usual 45 degrees. I realized the middle of the house was sinking rapidly into an expanding steaming hole. So I gathered a few important things and took them out. I discerned the safe places to stand and found my way to safety (thanks to my swamp stomping skills) but Ruby fell right in and disappeared completely. I rescued her once. Outside, I could see the whole house sinking, and soon it had sunk completely under, leaving just a mud pit surrounded by forest. A big crane rescued her Ruby out of the mud again. Weird!

I’m in space. It’s all hazy and there’s a sun off in one direction. I see a huge gray Star Trek ship go by overhead and recognize it as a long-forgotten probe. It sucks up the haze and leaves a trail of thick black smoke behind it. I know it should be destroyed, because the work it’s doing is not necessary anymore. I imagine throwing things or shooting rockets at it. The sky is clear now and the haze begins further off, looking like thunderclouds. Another probe goes by and I run in the same direction as it. I’m running over pebbles and water. I’m about to get to this lake with the intent of flying over it and I suddenly hear this swirling buzzing noise of some intensity. Thinking I stumbled across a beehive, I startle and wake up. I was probably about to go OB.

This was probably the same world with the lava trails. It was more expansive, and more room for movement and freedom in it, too.

Later: I’m in a sunshiny beachy area and my family’s around but I’m avoiding them. I experience big jumps down (100 foot drop into water) and cool sensations.

[I dreamed of Little Debbie House and Banana House and landlords making shitty living places for students.] . . . the feel of this dream was like a shape, a sphere, feeling near the Tower but without its actual presence.. I wish I remembered more. A vast feeling.

Then, at Blaine House, a HUGE thunderstorm was coming. The radio said power was out where it had been. We could hear the thunder even though the storm was far in the distance. I was rushing about, preparing — shutting windows and screens and such, helping young Ruby do the same in her room. I could walk around without worry in Blaine House. Wadsworth was there, but it was not a problem. I actually didn’t mind him being there. The clouds were black and huge and coming fast but above us it was blue. The storm hit pretty intensely and I woke up to find a REAL thunderstorm going on!

References: Banana House and Little Debbie House are off-campus houses at Oberlin.

Context: I hadn't played soccer since starting college 4 years earlier.

Nov 26th: I was wearing my soccer uniform, looking for the Blaine team to join them. But it was already the semifinals in the tourney. Eventually, Coach Broadwise came to me and laid it down. He said I could’ve been a captain if I’d stuck with it. It’s too late now and my indecision cost me. I was thinking he must be a spirit guide.

Dec 10th: I’m in Blaine House, after talking to Coach Broadwise and rejoining the team. I had to make it to 3 games and then I could be in the tourney. The next game was March 1st. He said I could wear any old jersey I had, as long as it was blue. He seemed pleased. And so I rejoined the soccer team in my dreams last night.

References: Coach Broadwise was the coach of the Blaine soccer team I was on up until 1991.

I’m on a nature tour with Brendan and others. We’re walking on planks, and there are geyser spurts around. “The only geysers out this way,” said the old man. I caught water spurts in my hand. I got close to a hot pool and Brendan was scared.

Higher lands are more peaceful, happy, and tranquil than the lava fields. Higher lands have less people and society.

It was bright and sunny, on a lawn in Oberlin with some friends. I was speaking about my theory of the nature of time and events. There was a helicopter flying about in such a funny and exact way. The future’s beautiful and at peace. Here’s my theory: Events are woven together by many people and also by a positive and negative timestream. I was explaining that at a certain level, the weaving could be unraveled and reconstructed as a different event. And this goes on at all points in time.

The helicopter landed with impossible precision and a tall girl with an afro got out, drank a Coke, and got her stuff together as if it were no big deal that she arrived on campus in a helicopter. This was an attempt to appear “cool”. This really felt like the future. Very bright.

I was at Oberlin. I went to a party in the snack bar because I heard people were naked there a lot. This black girl was flashing herself and people were picking each other up. There was this blonde girl I liked and we kissed and cuddled. I was putting white face-paint on her and she told me I didn’t have to, kinda losing interest. There was also a scene in a store room with lots of toys. I remember flirting with Sophie momentarily, and someone who reminded me of Summer from SSU. The latter and myself were talking and kissing. I was trying to convince her she could go far in music. This was all taking place in the inn on Main Street, which was a combination of a travel place, a spiritual place, and the music conservatory.

I left the inn and started walking down Main Street towards Banana House. The land was extra curved (the tiny planet effect), and things rose rapidly over the horizon. As I got near the intersection, the sky turned bright yellow and I saw the new downtown Oberlin. It was magnificent, with movie bars and video game places and so much fun stuff to do. There were big sphinxes and bright lights and colors and it looked kinda Egyptian — a total fun land. The games and everything were really high-tech. After stopping in to different places, I continued to Banana house.

I arrive at a higher realms version of Banana House. It’s sunny, the neighborhood is more forested, peaceful, and every color is deep and suffused with gold. I remember green especially; a deep green with a reddish-gold shining through it. My room was much cleaner, had advanced technology, and new, well-made furniture. Guido R’s room was on the opposite side of the hall and he had reddish hair. I was naked, but went to his room to talk about the weed he sold me, because some of it was hair, some was moss, and some was broccoli and asparagus. I told him that he owed me $35. Then I heard Wadsworth call out. I looked outside and everything was in deep, vibrant hues like after a rainstorm, and the sky was that beautiful pre-thunderstorm color. I felt so safe and secure. But I wanted to hide from Wadsworth. I knew he’d come. I went to the hall to greet him and he was energetic and animated. He was telling jokes. I checked Buttercup’s and my room for stuff he shouldn’t see and then invited him in. He started rooting through her stuff and I said that was rude.

I’m visiting Manville A. He’s not home but I’m trading cards in his house with Milhouse. We went right in because he said we could. We thought some of the cards were illustrated by Manville, but no. We were in the yard when Manville came home. He compared us to sheep, and we all turned into sheep. A hundred other people arrived and turned into sheep. There was shearing and wool pulling. I wondered humorously how that’d translate back to real terms. Would we all be bald when we changed back?

References: Milhouse is a nerdy character from The Simpsons.

It’s Xmas with Buttercup’s family, but instead of her brothers and sisters it was Lance and his new girlfriend. I was taking a nap when it started. I awoke to Buttercup dangling a Nintendo 64 over my head. She had got it for me because her parents didn’t get her one. I was too tired to fully realize how awesome that was. Buttercup got one for Paige, too. I asked why we were celebrating on Xmas eve and Buttercup said her Wadsworth blamed it on the cat. More gifts were opened and her parents fell asleep. I told Lance to show everyone his penis and he took it out and it got hard and was 1 1/2 feet thick and 2-3 feet long and filled his entire lap but his testicles were little. He was thrilled, and everyone else was shocked. Then he tucked it away. It sorta sucked, for Xmas.

Buttercup and I are traveling through England. We stop in a presentation of “The Garbage Pail Kids!” in a church and I’m sitting behind this enormously tall guy. During a break, a commercial appears onstage: a car or truck in the forest is consumed by this vortex of flames and an electrical field emanating from between these trees, because it couldn’t meet the competition. Instantly I was there, curious to learn more about this strange electrical field. I was with someone, too.

The forest was dark, and the trees were tall, beautiful, and thick. I started walking and was instantly seized by some electrical field of blue lightning tendrils which lifted me up and spun me about. Then we began traveling down the trail at tremendous speeds, still spinning. I smashed through branches and growth and went higher and lower and was wholly unhurt. In fact, I was quite exhilarated by it. We went higher and I thought of how far ahead of the others we’d be. I looked below and saw the “Pelennor Fields” and a castle I wanted to explore but didn’t know how to stop moving.

References: The Garbage Pail Kids was a card series. The Pelennor Fields are from The Lord of the Rings.

Buttercup and I were staying in the Dark Tower. It was really vivid and cool. We were staying with these two immature boys. Someone was pressuring us to do something cool and one of the boys thought we should jump out the window onto this tin-roofed shed below. I said that was stupid but Buttercup jumped. She half missed the shed, smashed her head, and was silent. Somehow I knew she’d be alright but I ran down to see anyways.

There was some game or something there, too. I was quite aware that this was some altered state and I told others about “my dream” while still dreaming.

The Totoro-gerbil genetic tank is a house-sized biosphere with rocks, ledges, and water. It was filled with Totoro-like gerbils of all sizes from bean-size to cat size. Some other researchers and myself were sitting on the rocks, moving some little ones around and I thought “Wouldn’t that SUCK if we fell over and crushed them?” Well, guess what? We fell over and squashed bunches of them. At the bottom of the rock-hill, I saw other genetic variations of the beasts including long, super fuzzy ones that bounced all about.

Moments of inspiration open frequencies, like a lens widening for however long the tear-gushing bliss lasts.

And I’ve been seeing more and more SUB-images, as I fall asleep: information sources, points and circles, loud with meaning and wisdom, pulling my attention towards their higher frequency.

References: Totoro is a big fuzzy creature from My Neighbor Totoro.

Buttercup was defending herself in a court case in a medieval village. At her request, it was being held on a platform in a marketplace in front of a crowd of hundreds of people. Her family and friends were there, including a whole bunch of jokesters.

There was much excitement when the prosecution arrived. The woman filing the complaint was moved out of a huge vehicle by hordes of doctors, nurses, and people dressed in white. It was absurd!

The defense’s preparations were extensive but their arguments were insane. Buttercup’s only statement in her defense was to simply sit in front of a marker board that had various things written on it, including “I am a walked-upon lizard” and “dirt-covered, they take advantage of me,” intended to invoke pity. I actually let out a laugh in shock and amazement when I saw it, then covered my mouth. Other arguments for the defense included a man in brown, who when questioned on his occupation, said he was “the friendlian,” stressing it loudly so all could hear, and giving a fake smile. There were songs and dances and rude interruptions and shouts of support from Buttercup’s friends. After a while I was so shocked that I leaned over to Buttercup and her Wadsworth and gave them a firm piece of my mind, saying how perhaps they could win an award with this absurd performance, but never the case. I said it was very funny, but a very expensive joke. I remember their shocked expressions and then I was thrown out of the marketplace.

I wandered about, and began opening boxes. Then the castle was attacked by a horde of Native Americans. As a huge cannon ball rolled past me, I asked “But how could bow and arrow and axe defeat a huge castle with armor, metal, and cannons?”

Suddenly I am in a convenience store. I’m a boy, reading a pamphlet on a special display about that very battle. I look up to my mother for answers. She explains: “The mortar that built the castle (the metal rods through the stones) could only hold so much weight. The castle was overpopulated with so many people that the steel came out and part of it collapsed.” She accidentally bumped the cardboard display and the far wall piece fell over. “Kinda like that,” she said, smiling.

I needed to get up for breakfast at 8 AM without an alarm. In the dream state I was looking at pictures, reminders from other dreams, and each picture had a little sound bit recorded with it too. The last was a picture of Buttercup saying “huh-huh”. It repeated over and over and the sound seemed to be coming from waking life, in the room. It repeated until I was fully awake and aware, just in time for breakfast.

I was walking around this strange land and heard “O, Do Not Forsake Me” by They Might Be Giants being sung by a beautiful voice. I looked up and saw that it was coming from a baboon in a tree. There were many more in the tree, and they all joined in, singing harmonies, as did I. We sang it through a second time and I hit the low ending. I was proud and friends complemented me.

I remembered this, now, much later! There was a huge expanse of the dream where I was with Joan and Emma and other spiritually-focused people. I fully developed and recognized my ability to see with my eyes closed! I blindfolded myself and walked about seeing everything clear as day, reading from books, describing pictures, proving it again and again. I was so excited! I really did it! But it was a dream. . . . I was seeing in a different way, a view screen at another angle, where the picture formed out of the darkness. It was like looking through a short tunnel, but extra clear and sharp at times. Wow! The dream experiments continue!

The black guy who frequents Irene’s is sleeping next to me in my Blaine House bed — a thing I found quite strange. My bed had white sheets, the breeze was blowing, and the room was fully decorated. The guy was singing great music with me, soulful and inspired. He suggested a song, “Suzanne,” and hummed it, then called it too sappy. For some reason I thought he meant the Jackson 5’s song “ABC” and decided to do it. His girlfriend appeared in a prison beyond the brick wall next to us and began singing with us. I started singing one part and I was gonna let him take the next part, but it became the main part and he prompted me semi-sadly with the words. It was a love song and she was so loving singing it with me. I tried to redirect her affections to him but couldn’t remember his name. I told him I’d make it up to him and fix it.

Then I remember swimming in a secret world in Mario 64. It was in an underwater supermarket with lots of eels. I had to swim through 10 rings. I guess this was in my room — he was watching me play, impressed.

References: Irene's is a cafe in Oberlin where I worked.

Within my dream I wrote in my journal: “I have returned to the level (of social ineptitude) that I was at in SSU (or high school).” I also was facing rejection by Buttercup and/or Kayla and trying to find love. I decided to take 7th grade again and then go backwards to 6th and 5th but it started to SUCK. I set out to visit the 5 hells (but only got to the first 3) with a guide and a friend. The friend wanted to see the hells before the heavens. It may have been Lance. We went down a spiral wooden chute to hell #1: a classroom doing nice things but you had no choice. “We will play basketball for 5 minutes, according to standard rules, and you will look at the Washington Monument on the way out.” The second hell was a lonely haunted zombie house with axe murderers and chainsaws. Lance got really into it and got lost there. I went to hell #3: a huge post-apocalyptic war adventure.

I ended up with a group of hard-core explorers who were teaching me guts. It was snowy and we were going up and down these near-vertical cliffs, leaping and grabbing. I loved the challenge of it. They supported and taught me. I really liked them a lot. There was a moment where we invited Buttercup along, but she couldn’t do it for long or thought it was impossible and went back to her house.

Context: We are in York, England.

The Dark Tower is very consistent. It’s quite run-down and somewhat two-dimensional. It’s very tall with one basic hallway spiraling up to the height of the building with doors on either side. There’s always a lot of movement, people going up and down. There’s yellow on the vertical parts of steps. The rooms are filled with endless junk, like a basement bargain store, but it’s not shopping, either. Outside are vast lands, some snowy. . . . I usually see it from high above, as if flying in. And skiing! Why does it remind me of skiing? I’m so close to remembering! Arg! Or like an old radio station. What am I doing there, so active? It’s never a scary place, just dingy and ugly, and there are lots of people, too.

Such a strange dream — I should have written it sooner. I was in a house that was haunted, trying to interact with ghosts. Certain parts of the ghosts would phase solid and I’d grab them or push them. Then I met a girl who was killed on December 17th or 21st, waiting eternally for Xmas. I attempted to befriend her. She started out as a dog — she had a really close bond with her dog and took its shape from time to time. Suddenly inspired, I tried to tell her I was studying this kind of thing on the earth plane. I told her about death and what happens afterwards, the pure essence, and more. Very strange dream. The girl turned into Ashley from South Hall later on.

References: South Hall was my dorm at Oberlin.

Earlier in the night, I had a dream where I was traveling all about, and I came across a girl who loved me. She was cute, petite, kinda like Jen, and we were hanging out. She casually asked if I wanted to make love later and I thought “Yeah, that’d be really nice.”

After this was a dream of Raven and me, as we were in the prime of our relationship. We had just met up again. She asked me if I wanted to make love later and I thought “Yeah”, but then I remembered I had a different girlfriend, but couldn’t remember who. I thought it was Anne (my 6th grade girlfriend for a day) and found it difficult to tell Raven but finally did. But “Anne” was referring to Buttercup (I thought they seemed similar in this realm). It was all just purely the good feelings of all these relationships. A wonderful place to be.

In a later dream Buttercup and I were staying in a different resort deep in nature. We were going on a big tour with lots of people to see the mystical rain and the river circles. We had to wait for Buttercup and a friend to go to the bathroom. We waited on a Mario platform lying on the ground. They returned soon and we proceeded. There was a wide river. We climbed a slope and looked down through some trees at the river and saw a strange pattern in the flowing water — a disturbance of some kind. Apparently some civilization from long ago had seen these and constructed some magical places, which we went to see.

One was a circle of underbrush and plants, shrouded in dark forest. As we approached, it started to rain. The circle turned bright blue and sparks shot all over. Our guide was quite excited to see it. The rain didn’t last long, though, and I was disappointed.

I dreamed of being in San Francisco. It was night, and everything was burning. Some force was setting off chain-fire bombs and half the buildings were in high flame. I was there with Emma and maybe Buttercup and Ruby on vacation. We had a planned date to leave but I was nervous because the building next door was burning already. I went down into the city and did some risky fighting against people in black clothing with strange logos on them as they shipped bombs in boxes all over.

I was visiting Buttercup’s parents’ house, which was a large fancy building surrounded by a kind of moat. We were there for a holiday. We had all left and returned. Wilson and Elizabeth arrived and I was carrying some important book. We had to cross this plank to get across the moat. I was afraid I’d drop the book and so Buttercup’s Emma took it. She set it on the edge of the plank where it fell in halfway and got wet. Everyone started complaining and blaming me and so I swam it across and it got a little more wet.

Once back in the house, Fiona had a fit about the book and I put blame where it was needed. Upset, I left. I went out the back and down the line of houses, which turned into a crenelated white bridge with a lake on one side and a cliff on the other. The cliff side had paths where the river had dipped way down. I explored this area for a time and then I met Brandon. It was great to see and speak with him. We started going back towards Buttercup’s house. He started trying to have sex with me and I refused. As we got deeper into the river trench, it was turning into Mario Land. He started finding stars and hidden places. I was curious, but didn’t watch.

So I went back up to the marketplace where I saw a new kind of flying machine, loaded with Brits. It could stop and start on a dime, turn rapidly — anything! Some of the Brits almost fell off. I watched in wonder. I promptly ran into Buttercup, who was out looking for me. I was glad to see her and ready to return. Then I woke up.

I’m at these snowy slopes with friends. There’s a report that someone unstable is naked and lost, so we go out searching. I go my own way, along paths at the bottom of a cliff and across floating ice. Eventually I see Valentine, half-buried in mud. I ask if he’s the one who was lost, but it’s not him. Then this girl walks by with a downtrodden person. “Ah, she found him,” I think.

This was all about Oberlin, but mixed with the area north of Radisson Road. Home? Anyways, I’m with Buttercup at a party and come back early. Brendan and Melody had just finished “doing it” in our room and Brendan went downstairs to bed. Melody was still in my bed. We talked friendly-like, then she said “Aren’t you going to keep me warm?” So I leaned over against her but then there was kissing. Melody’s twin and Bessa, both roommates of Melody in this dream, walked by outside, saw us, and were horrified. Suddenly I realized what was happening. Melody soon left and I was desperately preparing for Buttercup’s return. Was this real? Was it a dream? I was convinced that some of it had to be a dream, but I felt I was lying to myself. I found Buttercup and had a happy reunion but my mind wouldn’t let me enjoy it. Guilt was eating me up.

I wandered out to the north of Radisson and saw Melody in the back of a bus. Buttercup was nice to Melody and I watched, detached. Then Buttercup and I returned to our room and she threw me down kissing me but I prevented myself from enjoying it. Soon I tried to escape into an advanced Quake game Brendan left on my computer (with his monitor). It was horrible — I was deep in the catacombs fighting against this huge nasty monster. Finally I put an end to it, didn’t care if I won (new mindset!) and got back to the dream. Buttercup’s sister, living downstairs, came to tell on me and I got even more into trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. I awoke and realized it was a dream. THANK GOD!

References: Radisson Road is just north of Blaine House.

I’m part of this big class group playing soccer in a gymnasium. The floor eventually changes to water, and everyone is on rafts. Masa is playing goalie naked. She swims over to our side, while the immature ones were all laughing and gawking. Four of us, including Joy and someone like Leslie B start singing this song of breaking the mold, of stepping out of the system. A bunch more join in. I’m not afraid of being naked anymore. We sing and decide to start living a little more, a better life. The other half of the group won’t join in and leaves without us. The ones left are all more friendly. The dream frees up and energy rises. We go to the place of eating and find that the others have rejected our food, accusing us of some shit. Real unfair.

Aha! The repair shop! Driving is always dangerous in dreams. So the car was bashed into the back of this other car at a gas station’s repair shop. But the next time I looked at it, the car was wrapped around a pole, suspended in midair. The situation got worse each time I turned back to it and I kept going back and replaying the scenes before to determine how this had happened. Eventually I created a reality where the original crashed car was the result.

Me and my sister were given guinea pigs. I don’t like guinea pigs so mine gradually transformed into a gerbil.

I look at a US map. I see that some pyramids and a sphinx are near San Francisco and I mark down that I want to visit them. Also it seems like the lava dreamscape with the ocean is in San Fran.

Maybe we had arrived in San Fran, but wherever we were we were searching this area of hilltops for a home. All on the same road was the Monroe Institute, perhaps a dream switch of the Institute of Noetic Sciences, and some unheard-of names of spiritual research places. Up in the mountains it was safe and bright. There was no pain or threat of lava. White puffy clouds floated above and all glowed with sunlight. Our guide told us that the only place for sale was one that looked like a church. We went in and it really was churchy, with pews and a raised dais but brand new with new blue carpet and white walls. We decided against it. The rooms were supposedly small, too.

Oh! Upon further reflection, I think it was the US map with pyramids and such that brought me to San Fran — I first got caught up in the sphinx surrounded by advanced preservative technology. I was told the Egyptian relics were disappearing because they were so old. Perhaps there was no one left to believe in them? So it was like in movies — a map as travel’s source.

I was hanging out with Buttercup and this guy. We climbed this big oak tree and threw sticks at a small abandoned house. To our amusement, they stuck upright in the roof. Then I got really scared of heights and the guy started screaming that a cheetah was stealing his lunch.

The scene instantly changed to the upper floor of a library. He couldn’t catch the cheetah, who was chewing on and slowly engulfing his sandwich. Knowing that I understood cats, I set off to catch him. The cheetah came to where I was and tried to dart past but I leapt on him and rode him. He was still chewing as he ran. However, my weight didn’t slow him down. So I rubbed his nose and steered his head into the bookcases and eventually he slowed down and stopped near Buttercup and the guy. He had finished the sandwich but was now really affectionate to us.

Buttercup and I are wandering about a dangerous run-down city. The sky is murky and brown. At certain spots in the dream I would SAVE and then return if things got bad to do it with better preparation or do it differently. In some areas, my fear, I believe, was conjuring up bad stuff, like gangs. One came after us — teens with death-ray guns were harassing us. I realized that they intended to rape her, and that it was my fear that created that. I did not want it to continue. I said to Buttercup “Revert?” and she accepted. So we went back to an earlier scene and took another route. It was so bad that someone and I had brought guns. I felt I had failed when I did so. . . . Our ultimate goal was to get to an airport. The airport was also a mall, of course.

WOW! I had a full-on OBE at the Dark Tower!

I was doing lots of travel around the area of the Dark Tower, on route 330, route 303 and some others. Approaching the Dark Tower, the freeway seemed to rest on the treetops, and a beautiful sunset was going on as we drove. As I drove, I overlooked a forest where Ranier was. I threw grapes out the window to him. After the drive I went to see Ranier in the woods and when I arrived, the grapes I threw finally finished falling through the trees. Familiar Dark Tower buildings were nearby, perhaps even other towns or cities.

The Dark Tower is also near the big forest with hanging paths and worn, covered trails in the valleys cut away by the river. The Dark Tower is in such a valley. Within the Dark Tower were living quarters, including my Blaine House room. There was a murky green coloring to everything. There was also a huge new bookstore. Someone like Amanda worked there.

In my Blaine House room, I had an OBE in which I found out how to fly: jump and hold onto the “rising” part. I flew up through the wall and roof, and ended up on the deck outside my room in Blaine House. I looked around. Below me on the entrance side it was all the same as Blaine House, and there were flashing Xmas lights down there. The moon was in the sky above and the forest was on the other side, reminiscent of other Dark Tower lands & forest. It seemed that above my room, instead of the roof, was a part of the Dark Tower’s library.

I noticed that my astral body had circular impressions here and there along my skin. Perhaps these were nadis? Also, it was shimmering as if wet with sweat. I was talking to the Amanda-like library person and asked her if she noticed anything strange or different about me. She said “You look beautiful!”

I talked to some people I took to be physical, wondering if they’d remember my OB communication. I wondered if I was talking to their superconscious mind or not.

Later I was on the ground floor trying to fly back to my body many levels up and I noticed the silver cord. I touched it and it was warm. I followed it back to my body and examined it more: it got thicker within 10 feet, from thread size to computer power cable size.

Because I was knocking over books in the library as I flew, I must have been at least half dreaming this, but the flying was fully real and I was really lucid! I returned to my body because it had been a while, taking a second to reconnect. The doctor came, thinking it was a miracle I had lived, and Buttercup was there and I told her “I did it! I was fully out of body!” I felt such joy and I wanted to write down my discoveries. Buttercup was pissed but I started to write, then thought “I’m still dreaming”. So I woke up for real and started writing here.

The traveling to the Dark Tower seems a standard part of each dream of that locale. It’s very familiar. The Dark Tower seems like a boarding house in the spirit world. The forest is kinda trashy and dark and the tower is run down. But both are huge and full of people.

I’m playing with legos with someone else. I was building ships. He was building huge immobile robots. We started talking about transformers and I got out my comics and we started talking about them. Valentine was there. I was then looking through some old stuff. The porch off Wadsworth & Emma’s room was where I began, but it was another room. I went through the sliding glass door and into Wadsworth and Emma’s room where my boxes of comics and transformers were. While looking through them, I found an Elfquest book Buttercup had given me. In the story, the elves are much older. Cutter and Skywise are looking through the hedge and a thousand swan ships are becoming visible in the ocean beyond. It’s all the tribes gathering. The sky is brownish red and heavy and some horrible thing is happening. Cutter demands that only the young survive and all the adults begin to throw themselves to the sea.

References: Cutter and Skywise are characters in the Elfquest series.

I dreamed that Buttercup was off visiting some lame old guy. When she returned, there were love notes written on her glasses case: “Do you flirt with Benji like you do with me?” and so on. I was in a jealous fit and said “Well this is a dream anyways.” I left this bigger version of our room through the window and came back in through the window above. I was now in Blaine House and I was saying “It’s a dream, right? I’m in a dream.” I had a hell of a time putting on underwear, pants, and shoes.

Then Brendan and I went into the garage. I thought I had forgotten my glasses and contacts because I couldn’t see clearly. I said “Clarity now!” and my vision became clear. I was about to start flying and trying to go OB, but got distracted. Savannah came by. Brendan and I started doing cartwheels in a huge mud puddle. Then I saw a stump that had turned into artwork. Ruby started telling me about her friend Kari’s tragic marriage. After all these distractions I forgot I was dreaming. So close.

Buttercup’s and my room was mixed with Wadsworth and Emma’s room, with the green rug and big open space.

I dreamed something about the origins of Arcology Hill & The Tower. It was unpopulated, natural, covered with pine and pine needles. Some careless people were climbing on top of it. They were playing with fire and I knew the hill would go up in flames.

Underneath there was something going on, too. The interior of the hill was carved out into chambers and such, like all dream hills seem to be. The inside was changing, too.

INTENSE DREAM

“BENJI, REBECCA, ERICA, GERALD, GET AWAY FROM THE BUILDING!”

echo echo echo

It began as an Oberlin dream, though it was so much bigger. I entered this dream from a totally different environment with greenery and water. Here at Oberlin, the dorms were “four” stories but even bigger than Mudd. The main classroom area was like a mini mall with a courtyard of reddish stonework. It included the essence of Wilder and Mudd.

At one point, I had asked to get into Sam G’s band. I got this stack of papers with music, comics, and other stuff, sealed in plastic. I went to music rehearsal. . . . There was a big difference of opinion as to what direction was north and what was south. I went south, inspired by someone’s memory. . . . I ended up at south campus and armageddon was upon us. A large part of the campus was on fire. Dreamfire, of course: never flames but orange lights flickering from unseen places. Police were everywhere, directing and warning people, but not forcing them. Determined not to lose my Foundations work I ran towards South Hall, noticing that the frozen puddles actually were a thin layer of ice with no water, brickwork, or earth beneath them. An officer rode up next to me on horseback and warned me about South Hall. He was standing over an ice sheet and I was worried about him falling through for a moment.

Every doorway, window, and opening of South Hall was covered with a thin sheet of ice as well. I easily broke through them as I went inside. There I found Valentine on a similar rescue mission and we traveled together, though I kept losing track of him. We took the stairwell to the 1st, 2nd, 3rd floor. . . . Then instead of floor 44 where I meant to get off was floor D. It was half a floor. I opened the door hatch in the ceiling to a dreadful sight.

Student after student was standing in a big line, zombie-like. The orange flickering was everywhere. I knew it was too late for these people. It seemed like they were lining up for a nursery. I looked to the left and saw a small girl shining flashlights (or light from her hands) and thin beams of light from her eyes at me. It cut through the flickering orange light to fall on me and made me uneasy. She came to me and started speaking factually, unemotionally about what was taking place. She took my hand and slowly led me out of the building. Valentine, I thought, was following. I was so worried and caught up in everything that I missed most of what she said. As we got to the bottom floor I turned around and Valentine wasn’t there. I asked her where he was and her silent, stone eyes told me that he had joined the line up above. I began to beg and plead with her. She told me to stay right where I was and she would bring him. Buttercup and Paige ran up to me. Buttercup hugged and kissed me and I told Paige to wait. Eventually Valentine returned and we all ran out of the building frightfully fast. We were about to run into the next building and realized we had to stay under open sky.

“BENJI, REBECCA, ERICA, GERALD, GET AWAY FROM THE BUILDING!” I repeated the girl’s last message to me as we ran.

References: Mudd is the huge library at Oberlin. I lived in South Hall for a few years. Paige was dating Valentine at the time.

[This follows a dream of my uncle Dudley, who is a trucker]

I’m spending time building semi trucks. I assemble the box trailers like miniature toys. I’m not sure how the trailers hook together with the truck so I press them together but they don’t stick well. Only much later do I discover the hooks and loops and start doing it right. Once assembled, they become full-sized trucks, ready to go. There are three reports of tragic trucking accidents — my fault. Buttercup holds me responsible but I was never trained!

There’s definitely a Banana House at the Dark Tower.

Lucius returns to the Dark Tower. I look for Sid. Lucius arrives, we then see him later dressed up all Ren-Festy. He comes to Brendan and I as we cross this Russian Square with some advanced form of Penny. Somehow, I can tell Lucius’s about to lie because his moustache isn’t real.

Brendan and I had been talking about how Sid had been in New York when the president was shot. Now we were looking for Sid in room 722 in the Dark Tower. We went up and up. I knew Sid knew New York very well and would have defenses set up. We got near and I rang what used to be my door and then what used to be Brendan’s door. There were about 5-6 of Sid’s friends watching out in the hall. I went up to the 7th floor. It was a classroom now — a big one.

The sewers: Brendan and I had figured out the secret way to enter the sewers at the Dark Tower. We’d been exploring them. The openings were narrow and inside were long endless tubes with warm, strange winds. There were little flames burning. I feared it wasn’t breathable air, so I kept returning to the surface for air. Below the lower air tube was a little jump-down place with a grate in the floor. After jumping in one of these we ended up in a subway system. It was scary. We knew we had to be careful because everyone who rode the subway was crazy. We immediately met some such people. Someone was talking threateningly and using slurs.

Context: There was a big issue of people not washing their own dishes at Banana House.

In dreams, to turn left dreamwise is to turn right realwise. In that way, you turn to face every aversion. I learned many things in this dream.

I was traveling with Buttercup. We decided to stay in the spare room of Brendan’s religious organization. Everything started out okay. We ate and hung out, but an argument broke out about whose dishes were unwashed. There was a dirty bowl with the remnants of Frosted Flakes in it. I claimed to have not eaten Frosted Flakes for breakfast, but some girl said I did. As I was leaving I thought maybe I did and came back to wash the bowl.

They had one of their nuns in the wall above the sink such that her head could be seen through a hole. She was suspended in the wall by ropes. As one turned on the water, her body would jerk around and be racked with horrible pain. I didn’t know this and washed the bowl thoroughly. Eventually some rope broke and she plunged to her death. Rumors spread fast that I had killed this nun and I ran.

But eventually I came back. It wasn’t my fault. I had saved the next poor sap from being the one to do it. I returned during a party and walked around explaining myself and defending my innocence to some. Then this big Asian/Native American guy came up to me and started beating me up. I saw this coming. Did I create it or pick it up telepathically? I couldn’t fight back because I’d been drinking and was slow. The sensations were dull, half-numb. Whatever happened, I came back later at night determined to kick the shit out of this guy. I found him and when my first attempt to kick him down the stairs failed, I replayed the scene and succeeded. He went limp and didn’t fight back. After I was through with him an old attendant saw his body and thought he was dead, but I checked and he wasn’t. But the attendant was making such a fuss at me! So this piled on top of the dead nun ensured that this had turned into the worst day ever.

I left and came back in the morning. They were having one of their religious services. There were about 10-12 priestesses dressed the same up front. One was speaking about the horrors of all that had happened earlier and needed to turn on soothing music. Then a group of 3 and a group of 5 started talking in absolute unison, eyes half-closed, speaking in foreign tongues and moving in between themselves as if dancing, but so oddly! This inspired some joy and forgiveness in my heart. I found one girl and explained it all to her. I also did them some favors, such as planting trees and helping out. Another nun had died and they realized that that just kept happening. Then Lewis threw down the nun-chucks. They were symbolic of the attack on me and they were all bashed apart, destroyed. I made peace with them and considered it a grand day.

Earlier some guy attacked me. I called on big fighting energy and beat him up. The police arrested me and sent me to jail for 2-10 years. I woke up crying softly.

Also, there were dreams of subways and lots of traveling. People kept shooting guns in the subway. We decided to travel some other way after that.

Falling asleep, I dreamed of the very tall green mountains in bright sunshine, like in Mario Land, and of course I could fly.

I was in the audience for this big play where the audience was supposed to sing along. We were going to, but the screen with the words turned off. So Buttercup started making it up and I joined in. During a pause we were asking people if it was okay what we were doing. They said it was. Before long I was in the play, playing a wandering pirate. I got some fish, dropped one, and began shouting and singing about it in this pirate-y Scottish accent. Then this other pirate and I dropped rubber snakes on the pirate captain and first mate below.

Later on, I was talking to someone in a room like my single in South Hall. He asked if he could film the next episode of his show in my room. I said yeah. There was some singing, and I was telling him about a dream I had earlier about the ocean.

It began at Blaine House. I was kinda living there, exploring around and always typing at the computer. I was there with Buttercup. There was also a strange blonde girl, like Julia, the library girl, and the girl from Tank. At different times she seemed like each, but different from each, too. She beckoned me to join her on the wall around the deck outside and I did. She showed me something there, in the sky or the woods or my mind. When we got off the wall, the part we had been standing on collapsed, rotted out. Strange.

Later I was working on Foundations in the woods by the sandbox. I was trying to make symbols in the stone. The blonde appeared there in fairy form, and had information for me. I had to lay on my back and look up to read it. Big holographic letters appeared slightly above me. They were black calligraphy letters on yellowish parchment. She was explaining how things worked — answering some questions I had, and expressing her love for me. She appeared as Julia for a moment to give me a soft kiss but I didn’t kiss back. I thought of this person as a strange visitor but loved Buttercup the same and continued things as usual with her.

There was a basketball scene where I intruded on this game and everything got crazy. Another spirit had intruded, too, and we were taking 3-pointers and making crazy plays. It was raining flowers at one point.

Then I was in the library where the blonde girl really made her move. I was at a terminal working. She appeared as that library girl, constantly sending me letters above my head and conjuring sheep in the wall to get my attention. She was flirting madly, but also helpful and humorous. Weirded out by all this, I was telling a friend when I was interrupted again. She asked me to go out with her and a bunch of people including Bridget and her boyfriend. I thought “No, of course not!”

Then in the private corridor where I was working appeared a thin brown-haired girl in black leather sex gear. At first I ignored her, but then realized it was a gift from the blonde. The girl in black was scantily clad and tied to this chair, sitting in it. I went to her to tell her no, but she was talking fast and got out my thing and revealed hers — it opened up in her at a corresponding level, in her chest. She slowly took me towards her. My ability to resist faded quickly and I let her do what she would. The sensations were so strong and it felt as if I was putting more of me inside her than possible, pushing hard into the slippery wetness, I pulled her leg over my shoulder and went harder, pushing only, and then, suddenly . . . orgasm. And that woke me up.

It was as if she was some mischievous spirit, determined to get my attention, to win me over. Yet she was helpful and friendly, too. It was a unique entity, an external force in my dreams. I was never mad at her, only confused at her intentions. Was she a fairy spirit?

Same day: Deep stuff! I was running though higher wild realms, including a river which was often split in two, making lots of small islands with white pebbles everywhere. I was fascinated by twig shadows or. . . . I don’t know what. Are there reflections in the dream world?

Then I returned to the library — completely undistracted this time — and found original books on OBEs, NDEs, and Lucid Dreams, and one called “Top 15 Public Service Organizations.”

It was hard to wake up, but now that I have I feel very powerful and awake, my mind rides upon a pillar of air, filling me with strength, solidity, and self assertion. Thank the higher realms!

So good, so so good, but the dream was in terms of HTML.

Context: I worked at Irene's at the time.

After working with Photoshop today, tonight’s dreams were of graphics styles language. Amazingly neat and informative but beyond my memory’s grasp, once again.

I dreamed I was called in to work at Irene’s again and it was the Feve and I got everything wrong. I was trying to make a Pepsi-Root Beer but kept messing it up: adding too much water or eating someone’s food. My consciousness only stepped in to help once every thirty seconds. The rest was me acting without a greater plan, according to habit.

(Later) The subconscious, when we lose focus, finds itself in a strange situation and tried to make the best of things according to the clues left to it. It usually guesses wrong and, for example, you eat the sandwich you were meant to deliver.

References: Irene's is a cafe in Oberlin. The Feve is a related cafe in town.

I was in a class on the second floor and this guy was teaching us some weird stuff. There was a part where we’re supposed to remove our own kidney and I thought “That can’t be real, it must be metaphorical.” But I wasn’t sure. I kept reading the instructions over and over but couldn’t maintain the entire thing at once and was continuously confused. Then we went to another room (I did the first step fine) and were given a complex set of instructions. I kept forgetting, watching others, and copying them. Others were doing horribly as well, getting it all wrong. At times I would stop and go into a subdream about something mildly related, then come back.

I was staying in some residential area. There were cool, different houses with lots of greenery. There was some trip with a bus to this movie and Buttercup and I decided to go. We got in the bus and the driver woman started this big collection process. It was $15 for Buttercup, because it was her birthday (it wasn’t actually) and because it included a lunch bag and drink. It was $36 for the rest of us. I wanted to see if the bus driver would accept less, so I waited until the end to talk to her.

While waiting, I was playing live-action Marathon with Lance L and some others. They knew the board well and eventually kicked my ass. The setting was some darkened business offices, shifted to morning light blues and purples. Lance was playing out some crazy story as he played. One weapon he had was a baby head that spewed oatmeal.

I returned to the bus driver, who asked if I paid. I said no, then talked her down to $6.50. Then we’re driving around, seeing sights. The area is like the mountain home.

Then something happens and we’re back in the neighborhood where we started. I’m walking by myself through slushy streets and I block this car as I cross the street. It follows me up onto the grass and sidewalk and I think “Shit, it’s those Consciousness Research Foundation people.” I turn and see that it’s actually Lisa! I have a good laugh. I say hey and explain to her what I thought was going on. We walk and talk. It was a very good, very natural conversation.

References: Marathon is a video game.

Context: I was playing Warcraft II at the time.

I’m playing Warcraft. I land in a small village surrounded by a desert, but there are distant trees all around and a cliff rising up on one side. Atop is the orc’s castle. It’s big, black, and sooty, surrounded by a forest of dead trees. There’s nothing on the ground except dried vines and leaves and barren saplings. The trees only have sparse leaves near the top.

I have lots to do but the going is slow. I’m slipping bombs into this piping system. Then I realize I must build. I go up to the castle to claim part of it as mine. But it’s not abandoned and I run into a bunch of orcs. I scurry away and find a bunch of my fellows — team orange! A voice whispers to me: “There’s more of them, but you can still win. Use your shield-men wisely!” I realize there’s 2-3 shield guys and I inhabit one of them. The battle is intense and fun as I personally engage in the fight. I stave off attack after attack and use my shield to smash and knock down the orcs (which aren’t orcs at all up close but men my age). Sid is one of them. I realize this only after I slit his neck. I’m apologetic but he smiles and insists I shouldn’t be. He falls over. I feel a bit weird but keep going.

Oh, and the orcs/men have this big black skeleton bug dragon. It has no wings, but instead has hundreds of spiny bug legs. He climbs atop this short spiral spire and shoots brown acid down into the battle. It was at this point that I restarted the scenario.

The voice speaks to me as I go immediately to explore: “The orcs aren’t here yet. They’re returning from a mission.” I start heading to where I found my allies last time and march right into a large enemy troop. I run through them and they split up and I’m back where I first saw them. I go to the corner. I review their stats with help from the voice and find they’re too much to handle.

I turn to these “fairies” which appear as busty female mighty mouses. They’re bright pastel colors: pink and yellow and light green. Some are “super” and help the others to get up to where I am, but then more and more can fly and become “super”. Now they become typical fairies and join me against the orcs. A few got stuck in some wood and have to teleport to get free, leaving fairy dust behind. The thing about fairies — it’s hard not to get sucked into them. I almost lost the dream a few times getting sucked into fairy world or some dream featuring only them. I was hypnotized, mesmerized watching them.

I also had a little dream of being in the bedroom here with Buttercup, doing normal stuff, and I find the card I put in the mail yesterday. I think “Oh, no, I must have bought two!” It was a memory, surely. What a way to throw your mind for a loop — being lost in time.

References: Warcraft II is a top-view video game.

Context: Last night, Buttercup and I were talking about defending ourselves.

It’s a sunny day, and there’s this big graduation extravaganza in Wilder Bowl. Lots of people are here, hanging out. There’s an extra building serving food near where the gym is. I’m in line to go in. I feel like I’m in this drug state, tripping or something. This man starts grasping at my hat and tells me firmly to release it. I turn to him, meet his gaze, and return his intensity a hundredfold. I lunge at him, screaming to “Let go, you son of a bitch or I smash your fucking dumb-ass face to bits.” He was backing off fast and now took off running. I returned to the food line and all of Wilder Bowl was silent except for one girl, pissed off beyond repair at what she’d just seen. She didn’t know what was up, so I ignored her. I enter the building for lunch. Later Buttercup tells me that was her Dad.

References: Wilder Bowl is a greenspace at Oberlin. This is just before my graduation.

I’m driving down this road on the way to Blaine House. I had a friend in the passenger seat. In the seat behind me was a crazy guy trying to kill us. First I wrestled a big gun from him and threw it out the window. Then I did the same with a small gun. Then he got a scissors. We were all singing this song, and whenever the last note landed, he stabbed us with the scissors. I sang a little, then dropped out of the game.

A cane toad was jumping as high as the car and almost as fast. I pointed him out.

I went to Mudd. I was looking for ghosts, and found them. They were circular and glowing. After doing little more than floating through me for a while, I made contact. It was either through a video machine or tombstone. A movie started playing on the surface, showing the 70s, with Mudd partially built. Next to it was the extra building from last night’s dream. I was so excited to recognize it and was convinced I had been dreaming about the past. There was a group of ghosts I conversed with through two computer windows open in the air before me (a Mac dream interface!). I asked them questions, took notes, and got their names — one was Link or Lars. Buttercup was there. Very cool dream!

References: Mudd is the library at Oberlin.

We’re in this bar and Ween is playing. They start doing this song called “Sandwich” where they keep pulling food items out of a bag and eating them with such joy. After the sandwich is a cookie and they get so into it! I become one of them and they take it sooo slow, rolling their necks, flexing more and more, twisting and mashing it into their faces (my face). Pure brilliance! Then I wake up.

References: Ween is a band.

Oberlin campus is all rearranged. I’m in this office/library/lounge in this building to the northwest of Wilder Bowl. There’s a big explosion outside Finney with hazy orange light and barbed orange lightning. I want to run over and investigate. Buttercup gets a phone call, and tells me to go ahead. In the area of the explosion I see injured people and investigators. I sneak around looking for info. This scared wounded girl holds my hand and then needs a hug. Then she starts kissing me, so I leave. I see Buttercup inside the building. There’s a fellah holding her hand but she comes to me.

On further reflection, campus was perfectly arranged, but I had a messed-up compass. I came from Mudd and the blast was at Talcott.

References: Wilder, Mudd, Finney, and Talcott are buildings at Oberlin.

Context: I was wearing contact lenses during this time.

Buttercup was with me. There was a great power nearby. Our thoughts, though innocent and fine, didn’t please it, and it cast this spell that lowered the frequency. I felt this mental nonphysical vibration which lowered my frequency. There was a pulsing and flashing and I felt both like I was shrinking and growing. It was a sort of reality scrolling. I think I could’ve followed the growing or shrinking sensation. In the end I felt smaller. We went outside to see how things had changed.

We found ourselves in this office by a swimming pool. It was a much more evil place than before. We’d stepped down in quality to an insane world where no one really communicated or listened to each other. Everyone was 90% projecting, closed in a tight sphere. I felt thin and weak and compressed by cold vacuous emptiness. Like the airy LSD feeling.

We were looking forward to seeing a hand statue we’d heard about but it wasn’t there. Instead we were greeted by this territorial guy who said we weren’t allowed to go outside. I looked aside to let Buttercup handle him and got the impression that he felt her breasts when I wasn’t looking. He left and we decided to go outside anyways. It was “Oberlin” though it didn’t look a thing like it. It was unkempt under an foul overcast sky. We went walking around ponds and up and down hills. We walked around the side of the pool building and it became the side of Blaine House. Then I went inside. Maybe the dream retains a continuity but the source changes the context. An exploring urge changes the wilderness to Blaine House.

I went to the bathroom, complaining about my contacts. A nurse appeared and put them in vaseline after I took them out. I looked around and my vision was all fuzzy. I thought, “Well, okay, this is a dream. I can see okay if I try.” So I did and everything got clear and a little further away.

I was Gandalf. There was to be a battle at the main fortress, but we received a message to fight first at this other place and so we went. There was a walled path and I kept peeking my head out and dodging arrows. There were a number of orc clans there, each with different symbols. We had a lot of different species on our side, including elves and various strange creatures, but we were far outnumbered. We retreated to our castle, which was Blaine House and my room.

I rode upon that red Other World bird and at the same time I was a kid playing with toys. They stormed the castle and I escaped on my bird. They sent a similar bird after me and I finally escaped in the mall. Then I was just me, flying about, flapping my wings, maintaining myself just above the ground. I was working on flying when Cannonball’s brother came to capture me. I became Cannonball and I finally blasted to get away.

References: Gandalf is from Lord of the Rings. Cannonball is a comic book superhero. The Other World is a toy series from my youth.

Jessica from South Hall had a vest but no bra or shirt and showed me her breasts. Then this blonde, short-haired girl like Breanna from Y.O.U. did the same. She considered herself topless because her shirt and bra were lace. Then we all jumped into a secret square tunnel near the top of this tremendous waterfall. There was another tunnel nearby, and someone was in the other tunnel peeing. Jessica and the blonde got naked and peed. So I whipped it out and did so too. There was lots of looking.

Jessica said she discovered the secret route to the bottom where the city from earlier in my dream was. I was afraid I’d have to jump all the way down, but I didn’t have to. We were taking pictures but I dropped my camera. Jessica jumped down and to the side to this warm, misty area with lava pools and water pools. There were several chambers inside. One chamber was filled with toys and junk and locked up. The chamber Jessica went to was a carved lava pool with a seating ledge in it. She laid on the ledge in the lava, and her skin turned to a black and orange lava pattern. She sank in, pushing back and forth, and then resurfaced. I figured that was the next secret way down, so I wanted to get into the lava.

References: South Hall is where I lived at Oberlin the first two years. Y.O.U. was a youth group I went to.

The Tower appeared as a huge gothic church with tons of balconies and wide stairways. It had lots of dark wood and red carpet. I worked on the top floor in a computer job. The theme was “making new friends — a threat to our relationship”. There was a masquerade going on. I met this guy named Christopher something: a muscled business jock. Later, Buttercup was hanging out with him. He was wearing the black carpet and she was wearing all black. They snuck into the darkness of the place where I worked (now closed) and I snuck after them to spy because it certainly didn’t look good. She caught me and yelled at me. There was a longish in-between part of me fighting some jealous internal battle. I must have lost because I was then flying around in this envelope of flame and caught her with her arms around this other guy in the game room. I got so mad and yelled at her and we began arguing. I tried it again, nicer, but I was ill at ease that time. In the end I tried to destroy the whole building. I wanted to burn it down but I think I began to disintegrate it from the top instead. The city around was big and gothic and the sky pitch black.

My last dreams in Oberlin:

This was earlier on, deeper in the night. We were in a beautiful, sunny field. There was a huge circle of people, happy, talking, like at a festival. Perhaps there were two circles turning in opposite directions, one inside the other, because there were always new people to talk with.

Well along came this siamese hag in a black hooded cape with green edging. One hood was stitched closed and the hag head inside was blind and comatose. The other hag head was talking to me but I wasn’t paying attention. Then I suddenly focused all my attention on her, met her eyes, and approached her directly, saying “I WANT SOMETHING FROM YOU.” She stopped suddenly, surprised at my intensity. She was thrilled and fell to the ground. She lifted her cloak and was naked beneath. She squirmed around saying “Take what you will, and my sister too!” I was repulsed and turned away. I projected my communication at her again. “No! I want to know what you see, how you see!” She said “Oh!” and picked herself up. She began to tell me great things, of which I forget.

Buttercup, I, and this jive-talking black guy were out in nature. The story was that I was her wimpy geeky boyfriend and she was attracted to the commandeering, confident black dude. Of course, I was jealous. Then we came across this skinny black guy stuck in a pit and Buttercup went to rescue him. I thought she’d get stuck too so I went to help her. Skinny as the guy was, he got up and lifted a one-ton keg and threw it out of the pit. It landed on the jive guy and squished him all up. The result is that he became this big-headed super guy who could read everyone’s thoughts and only tell the truth. I said “Hey, that’s like me on mushrooms!” He said “Yeah, exactly what I said.”

Then Buttercup started crying and asking him to tell her why I had always lied to her. I wanted to say “No, that really isn’t true!” and I guess I/we did so by returning to past events at Oberlin, one by one, and going into them. Oh, and by the way, it suddenly turned to night.

Context: My family is visiting Oberlin for graduation.

It’s graduation and everyone’s parents are here. I’m spraying people with a super soaker. Tony T’s Wadsworth gets the super soaker and gets wildly excited. He hoses down his wife, Tony, Ruby, Wadsworth, and me and we all patiently wait for him to stop. Then Wadsworth and I leave and I say “Wouldn’t it be funny if we had a pie to throw at him?” Lo and behold: Around the corner in the main room is an apple pie! Wadsworth starts scooping some into his hand and I say “No! That’s someone’s mail!” He keeps it up and I take the tags so I can report him. He chases me down to get them but I manage to keep one. Then I see four girls crying in the mailroom looking for pie and drag Wadsworth in to apologize. The girls are surprised and astonished by it all. Maybe I was just projecting?

I was crossing a bridge to get to San Francisco. I was traveling alone, without Buttercup. Once there, I went to a movie. It was Blood Murder 3 or some nastiness with cops & mass murderers. Disgusted, I left to go to a different movie and found that there was a massive rainstorm or hurricane going on. I tried to take cover in other theaters. I found that in one the chairs were desk chairs. Others had old Apple computers in them, and old people staring at a huge screen.

Soon the storm passed and I went outside. It was summery and nice out. As I walked back toward the bridge, I was followed and harassed by a group of young hoodlums (age 7-13). I tried to reason with them and not fight but they were all hate. All these police swarmed in and I ran. I ran right past Wadsworth and gramma which I thought was funny because I think they were there to see me and I didn’t want to see them.

So I got to the bridge and crossed but it brought me to this whole other place — a beach with palm trees. It was warm and Buttercup was with me. We ran to see Brendan and Melody who were up ahead, waving. I followed a few seconds later and found that Buttercup had thrown Brendan in the river because he accidentally got into this position which corresponded to a judo move she knew. We all laughed.

[I went to a concert which became a comedy sketch and became one of the guys who I was most interested in.]

Dreams: [another dream of jealousy in The Tower, disguised as Santa Fe]

Part two is on some big bridge, and Liz is following Buttercup and me blurting out comments about how I cheated on Buttercup a long time ago and should tell her. So I finally did (I was making it up via suggestion) and she was crushed, but then got over it quickly.

In one part, I was getting my face surgically realigned. This doctor took out my eyeballs and held them in front of me. “These are your eyes. They are bad at seeing because (and here I thought he was going to blame my father) . . . because of your father’s anger.” He flashed pictures of me unable to express certain things to Wadsworth and then my face twisting with anger. The surgery was him putting my eyeballs back in my head.

I’m in a toy store with this boy, looking for WarCraft 2 Expansions. Instead, I find Zelda for Nintendo 64, so I pop it in and start playing. There’s a number of selection screens asking to select view, asking if you like the Co-op Bookstore or not, and other options. Finally it started. It showed a sloppily-rendered world overview, and you scrolled down into the city you wanted. At this point, it became real.

We went to a big castle. There was a giant spider and I killed it with the “step” command. Then I opened a chest, then another that contained a packing peanut, and I used that to magically open a third, which contained one of my suitcases filled with games, clothes, and supplies. Then I had the princess stroke my penis for two hours. One long stroke up, and one down. I was narrating the action, like writing a book. Then someone was coming and we ran up the stairs.

References: The Co-Op Bookstore is the bookstore at Oberlin.

I was at Blaine House and it was packed! There were the goth girls and a boyfriend, Ruby and her friends, Brendan and Melody, and more. Most of them kept getting into trouble — life threatening situations like with the net and anchors, but it all seemed premeditated and thus absurd. The yard was all turned to sand. There was no grass, and there were tire prints all over everything. I thought Ruby had something to do with it, but she said she was only running. The house was now twice as high — four stories, and the most shocking change was the removal of the courtyard wall. The house seemed so different without it! Like the picture but longer, taller, and more angular. Where the bends in the wall were there were now watchtowers. It seemed as if the house was growing into a castle. And how strange to have guests! And so many!

I was reading Elfquest, and when I asked “What if the Wolfriders hadn’t turned this one way and met the others?” The answer was “Someone else would have,” and I jumped into the action — a frozen tundra. The wolfriders went the other way and instead the more basic characters appeared — Snoopy and all the gang. It was all kinda like Warcraft, too, building castles and houses and such.

References: Elfquest is a graphic novel series which features the Wolfriders. Warcraft is a video game. Snoopy is from the Peanuts comic.

I’m in the land of the Dark Tower. There’s this big classroom full of students. Three or four of us are selected from the group to go on this great journey. One student is jealous as we leave, and says “Why do you get to go?” There was all this preparation before we left. I was to get into a plane and traverse the world, stopping in key points along the way. There were a few optional stops. This was a great honor, a great beginning. It seemed to start in H . . . arvey?, Australia, and circle the globe, but my compass might have been off.

I’m in a car, driving through a big, natural land with lots of green trees and camping. I think we’re still near the land of the Dark Tower. Buttercup and I park at a parking lot. We’re a block away doing something, but I keep checking on our car. There are all these people near it and perhaps it’s due to my fear expectations and focus, but they start going through our stuff in the car, eating our food, drinking our drinks. I run over there and roar angrily. I hold up each item and declare its price and demand repayment. They keep scurrying from car to car. I overturn one car and then flip over another. While doing so, they pile into the last car and escape.

So I guess I must be following them because I see them in a campground and begin to terrorize them there. Soon I’m behind the wheel of their car, smashing it into trees and driving it off a steep incline. I think police come now. Off to a great start!

I’m traveling all light and hi-tech. I think there’s a space station involved in this and many dreams from which these adventures are orchestrated.

And there was a lightning vortex at Blaine House. There were three of us in the basement.

There I was, dropped into a scene right before my wedding. My waking self had woken up here and this was not how I wanted it to be. There were hundreds of people in this big Christian church with pink as the color theme. I read the list of events and it had a bunch of disagreeable religious topics, including a talk on “the power of evil”. I decided to wear sweat pants and a t-shirt to express my feelings on it all.

I can’t remember if this was about Buttercup or Raven. There were shades of both. It was a sunshine dream because it was about love, even though it was all wrong to me. I was thinking how odd and outdated the institution of marriage is. I was intentionally screwing things up. When it came time to read the lines I read the wrong things and thought it was hilarious. Buttercup/Raven thought what I was doing sucked but I had to go through with it. This kind of wedding meant nothing to me, but I promised I’d give heart and soul on a wedding done my way, with friends in the woods and all that.

OB Experiments: Last night I tried to get OB and fell into paralysis and REM but felt no vibrations and had occasional thoughts break in. This morning: too many thoughts, but having just woken up, I was close to it.

It seems like I go to the doctor a lot in dreams because I keep getting body reports. This time I learned of a reservoir of white sticky ooze in my hand. I tried to scrape it out but could only reach it with my tongue and had to lick it out and it was a thick and sticky white goo. Ugh! Then I had to lick gallons of it from my mouth and splat it out on the ground. It makes me dislike milk and cheese. . . .

I’m a young boy, adopted by a Native American tribe in their arid lands. One day my blonde, blue-eyed parents, brother, and sister return to me. A nasty fight with the tribe ensues, where I try to defend my original family while my tribe tries to slaughter them. There’s a lot of blood and my little brother and I get run through by a 7-foot fork.

Then there’s a big dramatic burial ceremony where the body is pressed into the earth in the front yard of Blaine House. The hole is 6-7 feet deep and bright red with blood. The tribe spray-paints it blue, then gets in and goes through these elaborate rites to free the soul and say goodbye to all the memories of who they were and where they lived.

There is very often a journey to Blaine House in my dreams — driving past the soccer fields and stopping at convenience stores and the mall on the way, all of which I did last night.

At one point, I must have been in a movie store because I was looking at this Star Trek VHS tape, and fell into it. The setting was very much like a space station. It was a lot more intense than the actual movie. There were more weapons, including wave guns that disrupted you and knocked you over. Strangely, I saw the holographic spirits of the dead from the last dream. There were shapeshifters and androids and lots of intense action.

I was at Westwood Elementary, all bundled up against the cold. It’s daytime, with snow and ice on the ground. There’s an awkward celebration for this woman with short red hair who just turned 59. I decide to drive her home. I look around but can’t find my car. “I’m sorry. I just realized I haven’t driven here for a long time,” I say. So I get in her car and drive and suddenly get this fear flash that she’ll start proving her youthfulness (which she’s been talking about) by feeling me up. Course, then she does.

A bunch of us are traveling in this narrow river canyon on a raft. There are orange cliff walls around us and the river is 6-16 inches of crystal clear water over ripply orange sand. There was an otherworldly kind of daylight to it. I saw some people having fun cracking ice, so I jumped out and the river was covered in ice now. The others joined me. From time to time there were large deep openings in the river floor which led to deep caverns. In some parts of the river, it looked like red, blue, and yellow corn cobs the size of trees had fallen in.

Then this strange creature appeared with a table. He said if we paid him a dollar, he’d grant us a wish. I couldn’t find a dollar but told him I’d give him a cow-patterned mushroom dice. Then we decided to play a dice game. He said my die was worth $200.

I was in a department store with this big mulching machine. It was mulching some naked people, including Sophie. I was saying my goodbyes and felt kinda grossed out and guilty.

Astral Escapades: I was drunk last night and slid in and out of sleep a few times. I remember doing astral adventures — house searches, visiting people, talking with Buttercup. I saw the outlines of her face in blue and off-step in red. Intense communication. It was hard to maintain.

Context: Buttercup started her new job today. I was sleeping alone during the dream.

Grocery Shopping: Buttercup and I were grocery shopping (we needed to go shopping in waking life) and we were at the check-out counter but forgot some things. So I ran to get them and got horribly lost and distracted.

Deadly Wadsworth Rage: Wadsworth, in Blaine House, tells me he recorded my last two blow jobs on video and read my journal and took my messages. Of course this sent me into a furious rage and I went around destroying all his electronics: video camera, stereo, printer, and so on.

Hurricane Blaine: So I’m camping at Blaine House. This wind picks up and increases until it blows my tent loose from the tent stakes. The tent starts to roll. There are rarely storms in my dreams.

Goodbye, Buttercup: We’re all living in new one-story houses in the burbs. It’s night. Buttercup and I are together in one house. Brendan, Ranier, River, Brandon, and Wendy are in another, and Paige, Nika, and Stan are nearby. Buttercup tells me she wants to date other people. I feel disbelief, then cry torrents of tears. She wanted to go out with Kaiden or maybe had some other date in mind. I said I couldn’t handle that and probably would never talk to her again. She wanted to cuddle with other people. Then she left for her date. I cried and cried. Paige found me and cuddled with me for a while.

Then we were walking to Paige’s place and I saw Kaiden at Nika’s door, knocking. He was dressed up and carrying flowers. There was no answer, so he walked dejectedly away. Then I saw Nika and Stan walking happily about 100 feet to my left. I went to Brendan’s house, fell onto his bed, and started crying. I explained why.

A little later I saw Buttercup. The guy didn’t show up for her date but there was this other guy she saw who she knew and they went somewhere. I woke up and decided to STAY AWAKE.

There was a big party. I was with Buttercup and this guy and someone else. We ended up on the roof, watching people. I think it was a night dream, but it started out really nice. I went around doing good deeds. I helped some girl out of some sort of trouble.

Then I met this friendly Asian boy who was discouraged about sex, saying he’d never get laid. I sorta comforted him. He got out this toy: a ball with a long string and a weight — you’d throw the ball then whip the weight behind it in another direction for cool effects. He said he wanted us to play with it. I went down some stairs to get some distance and when I looked back up he was gone. He’d thrown himself over the edge of the roof to die. I ran to the edge and looked down. He’d landed head first on the concrete. His head was bashed in, and there was this white foamy liquid on the concrete all around it. I ran to the party and told someone to call an ambulance. Then I realized the kid was running behind me saying “Touch my head! Feel it!” I refused. He’d survived, and so he did it again and again, and each time it was like the tragedy was new. The next time, his head was a crushed up carton that leaked ice cream. I got more and more distanced from the drama. The kid somehow got an ugly girlfriend and he became a fat white ugly punk teen and he just kept committing suicide.

I left with a friend and took him to the museum where I’d sometimes hang out in the basement. As I was unlocking the big front door, my friend pulled out B&W photos of Hitler, Anne Frank’s writing, and Nazi Germany. He said “You know what else started in a museum basement?! Do you know?!”

How creepy.

Awake, the night before: A deep thoughtfulness has descended on me tonight. I want to hold love above all else. I want my prime motive, my great teacher, my power and strength to be love. I again dedicate my life to the pure essence. I send this power forward to who I shall be, to help in my becoming.

I feel surreal, like I’m here and ALSO somewhere else, somewhere beyond death, and I feel how temporary this life is.

Dreams: So Buttercup and I arrived at Blaine House and either it seemed smaller or I seemed bigger than before. I was thinking “Okay! At last here I am at Blaine House where I always dream!” I decided to look around to try and remember what the meaning of each room was. I got the impression that Blaine House was now mine. Everything was normal enough (did I mention that it never has furniture?) until I went into my parent’s room. The bed and the green chair were still there, and the closets were full.

A stack of four ghostly, glowing, semi-transparent books appeared on the floor and I stared at it, thinking “Whoa! Now I’ve seen a ghost for real, for the first time ever!” The books represented Emma, or was from Emma. I touched one and could feel it slightly and then I slammed my hand through it and heard her yelp with surprise. Then slowly I separated the books and started reading through them. Then I felt they were probably private and so I stopped. Soon afterwards, Emma appeared in the same shimmering semitransparent form. I forget how it happened (maybe I touched her), but I was transported somewhere else.

I was transported to this big international city scene. It was a big, big event like a world conference, and I was very happy to be there. I was filled with light and energy and I started leaping high in the air speaking the voice of truth: “Knowledge without love is like skin filled with skin! It cannot operate without a heart and a complex inside!” I yelled it out to people as I leap-frogged them. I jumped straight through Emma.

Then I visited a hospital. I was in this huge underground chamber. I think most of the people there were Jewish. There was this old man who looked like a rabbi there, and he was just all love. He had just arrived. He took the sick and troubled one by one and spoke their inner voice to them and was right and helpful each time. I watched with awe and longing to be like him. I was so filled with love and joy that I began to shake, to vibrate. The light was getting brighter around me and I could feel dimensions beginning to shift.

I’m not sure what interrupted me, but things became different. The hospital became a cathedral and the rabbi became a cripple who was carried by a huge strong man. Suddenly a huge contingent of very colorfully-decorated people came flooding in. Some were very, very tall. They were the Islamic representatives.

There was some trouble above. Curious, I went up the concrete steps and passages to investigate. Outside, army and police officials were restraining a group of people. There was fire, orange and red banners, and a big amphitheater-type place, which was mostly cleared out except for military men in the first number of rows. Then I saw someone running towards the cathedral opening and I could read their thoughts: “1,000 years of blood and fire for the. . . . Christians? Death and fury to the Quakers!” I ran downstairs to warn them but got lost. Buttercup was down there! Then I woke up.

I’d just seen two HUGE humpback whales leap way out of the water in a heart shape. I’m climbing down this slippery wet rocky hill of black stones. They leaped again as I started coming down. But the astral reality of going down took effect as the blue sky grayed and the whales next appeared with hideous disconnected green jaws with a few huge stained teeth sticking out. I now had a camera and would hold it up when I anticipated another leap. Of course I was never wrong. Another jump, and then the evil humpback and a normal one are leaping at each other belly-first. They landed on the rocks, motionless. I replayed the scene and this time the regular whale was a squid. Then I snapped a shot of the other one leaping again. Then there was a calm and a black slum man who lived in the rocks drove his blue car-converted-to-boat out of his garage on the water. He had a very pirate feel.

Context: We'd graduated from Oberlin a month ago and were living in Berkeley at the time.

Everyone was returning to Blaine House. Brendan arrived with breasts! Twice I tried questioning him on it and he got so far as “This friend of mine ate soooo many brownies!” I was moving out of there. It was sunny and it seemed like the garage and above portions had become a four-story dorm and library, like the better dream schools. I was moving out, though, because I was graduating.

My computer was on the front walkway on a desk and Emma appeared while I was talking to Brendan. I was mad. She arrived too early and messed everything up. Then I felt like some fire was going to consume my room. I was freaking out trying to rescue everything. At one point I told Emma to go enjoy the entertainment in the field out back — a group of people and a stage. At another time I cursed her for not helping me carry stuff to the car.

Once, earlier, I climbed up onto the roof and was on the fourth floor instead of the third and these people were shooting a dumb movie. My usual mode of entry to my room was to get on the roof and then climb down through the window.

I’m traveling to Spring Lake Park, fast-floating. I arrive and start looking for Manville. The school is empty, but I find him in an asphalt patch with a small backpack and three decks of Magic Adventures. He said it was his last gift request from Brandon, so they could still be together by playing games. In another dream window I was getting a call which I had to transfer from another network but no one was there, so I started speaking weird nasty gibberish into it.

These dreams were framed in brilliant colors, like deep blues with gem-like scroll bars. These are the window effects I was looking for in Kaleidoscope yesterday!

References: Spring Lake Park was my high school. Kaleidoscope was a Mac UI customization extension.

Context: Manville and Mordred - a letter from a Spring Lake Park person coming, probably about reunions, and lots of family activities in Minneapolis. I also decided movies suck and don't want to see any more and they cost too much.

So I’m out visiting Manville and Mordred again. Mordred’s my focus this time. I find his house. It’s sunny and his parents are outside. I go to them and say hi. Then I set up my computer nearby (which broke in an earlier dream) and set their boom box to play Ween. Before too long I realized how totally weird what I was doing was and packed up and decided to go see Mordred now. I wandered through his house and it was really shady and cluttered. His parents said he was at another person’s house.

Then I went high-speed drift traveling over roads and finally to where he was. He was very depressed and had this really old computer program displaying why he hates this boy Tim (one of his BBS followers) so much. He had the feeling of being extraordinarily fat. We went for a walk. He said he had some disease that crept around, then killed you. He was gonna die, he said, before long. I told him I could help him, that he needed love and motivation and sunshine. He seemed to decline the offer.

Ruby and I and some others were going to a movie but it was $13.01 and the movie was represented as a crappy Party Pizza so I refused. I went and told Ruby. This felt like a staging area for dreams.

Not long after, Manville and I were in a jello-pie “factory.” No, it was Mordred, consisting of 10 fat ladies in an assembly line. He got a whole pie and I got a free sample since it was strawberry jello with bananas. Chad was hanging around too but I was ignoring him for the most part.

Here’s a note about the Ween CD: Once I put it in I didn’t focus much on it and it was going by really fast. When my attention went to it, it slowed down and got louder. The effect of my attention was just like being high, but to a larger degree.

References: Ween is a band. I went to high school in Spring Lake Park. BBS is an online bulletin board system.

Context: I saw sailboats last night.

I was at the Blaine Soccer Complex and it was raining. I had been given a windsurfing board and was having a great time with it. I was a natural, shooting around and slipping and jumping. I left it for a minute to pursue something soccer-related but went back to it soon. First I got the wrong one, then found mine buried in the mud. The scene changed before long and it was my whole family at a sunny ocean beach. We windsurfed and it was fun! I fell in at one point and there were sharp jagged shells on the sea floor. I convinced this guy I had cut off half my foot and he went crazy, calling people to stop the massive blood spill in the water. There really wasn’t one.

Buttercup and I were running through a rainforest tunnel cave trying to survive. It was like a video game. I kept having to shoot these mud-drenched guys in tattered clothes. Then this one enemy and I ran out of ammo and tried to be the first to reload. The enemy turned into a large Puerto Rican woman, and I challenged her to hand-to-hand combat, with Buttercup choosing the rules. We gave our guns to her. She said: “First one to score three hits wins. A hit is a hot coal blow to the forehead or a knife wound to the mouth.” We got ready and then I thought about how sick this was and said “Hey, do ya wanna just be friends?” The woman was shocked at first and took my outstretched hand into a wrestling hold, then released me and shook it. She was really nice and laughed about how nasty Buttercup’s rules were. We went to this hole in the ground that Buttercup and I had been kicking at (there was a faint video game overlay). I was uncertain but we all jumped in. Buttercup and I were holding onto the woman and we were screaming in fun as we fell. We all landed in a river, then climbed out and went on a long journey.

At one point we seemed to be in the twilight land of the Dark Tower but nowhere near the actual tower. We climbed up this white tower from the river and peered out at her home town — this Puerto Rican village with clay buildings, rugs, clay pots and lots of her people. She said, “Only pure Puerto Ricans or blood descendants can live here,” a thing Ranier had said to me yesterday about Japan.

We’re in an area near the Tower. I take some time off from normalcy to star in this new horror movie, Cracker Brain.

We’re in an gym. It started as a Weezer music video for “The Good Life”. We were all dressed in 80s style and the first ones to arrive at a party. We were dancing when Cracker Brain showed up. It was this ultrafast humanoid creature who carried wooden spears with him. He used them to spear his own brain and pin his head to the wall or ceiling for escape and positioning. He could travel across the ceiling this way and then would throw splinters of the wood spears at people.

He killed everyone but me. I was running around wondering what to do when I got cornered. I decided to play dead. It worked — it became very curious and approached with great caution. Then I jumped up and scared it and ran. Then I tried it again. Same story — the thing didn’t learn! The third time I had a plan. It came up the curtain to the edge of the second floor where I was hiding a sledge hammer. Slowly, slowly. . . . I could read its fears. Only when most afraid could it be grabbed and that’s what I did. It got really close, was ready to strike, and I grabbed it by the shirt. There was a big tug of war and my goal was to pull it from the curtains and drop it so it would die. But I gave up fighting because it was just a movie and I just didn’t care (a theme recently). It grabbed me and pulled me off the edge. The film ended and I went to Cracker Brain to find that it was a short, young Asian lady!

References: Weezer is a band.

It’s evening with a happily glowing horizon. I’m at a rest stop, looking at magazines like some boy magazine about kinds of underwear not to be caught dead wearing. I saw BayWatch magazine and thought a good alternative would be DeckWatch with bulging men.

I was part of a huge pack of kids wandering across big snow-covered fields. I see Emma on a snowmobile off in the distance coming towards us. She’s jumping the ditches that separate the sod fields. I began to fear Emma crashing, and thus at the nearest ditch the snowmobile crashes into the near side. Her body flies out and goes bouncing back and forth several times before landing and disappearing under the ice. I go running out onto the ice. I reach under, grab her hand and pull her out to safety. Then I helped her gather her stuff: shoes and knick knacks. Of course I was projecting them all into existence by looking for them. The ground was not littered with things when I began. Every behind-a-thing or beyond-a-door is pure potential. She had come to pick me up for something.

I was hanging out with Buttercup a lot. Then I feared having slept with Nika. I searched my memory for it and there it was. Oh, god! Anyone else? I searched and found Paige, too. Oh no! I began to dwell on this and feel really guilty. I thought “I’ll be good, do the right thing, and tell Buttercup” But she was so happy when I got to her that I was weighing the options.

By merely searching your memory for a thing, you can find it!

This is one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had. I was driving through Nevada with two friends and got a ticket which required 3 days of jail time. I showed up and the woman “shortened” my sentence to 3 days. Yay. So I went in and found my own cell. The jail wasn’t guarded and the gates weren’t locked, however. There were movies to watch. I went outside and it was as big as a city. The atmosphere of the jail town was murky, dark, and heavy. There were many people there. I kept walking further and found there were no walls, no escape. In the town, everything was super color-contrasted, almost like a theme park. The color red, especially, was at once both much brighter and murkier than usual.

Then we were in some classroom. We had all brought our projects in but the TV lacked batteries. The scene turned into this play about snapping-jaw underwater worms that I disturbed or something. My friends and I were underwater and there was a huge sunken pirate ship that belonged to me. We were finding gold and treasure. At one point I pulled at a beam and it started to collapse but in slow underwater motion. The transition to the underwater scene was an easy one due to the heavy, dark feeling of the jail town.

So through all the jail city scenes I must have been getting attached because when the demonic mass-murder guy came I was so scared and disappointed. He was an evil genius, pure evil and hate. You could escape for a few seconds but he’d always find you. The demon had all-brown eyes and was composed of meat and tumors. It seemed to always attack whoever felt the safest, though it was absent at times. He had machine guns and would spray death upon people. The bullets penetrated brick and left little hell flicker-flames where they hit the ground. I escaped once and played dead but he knew and fired at my head. In the end only the three of us could stop him. I finally snuck up on him and pounced. He said “You think you can beat me?” He froze me in the air and unleashed his deep demonic hate power. I knew I couldn’t beat that level of violence and hate. I tried to gouge his eyes out but he kept rewinding me and freezing me.

This dream was a complete hell nightmare. There was some powerful “Tara” or something there, too.

I ended up somewhere I recognized as the vicinity of where Kayla hangs out in dreamland so I decided to visit. She, two friends, and her Wadsworth were sitting on chairs next to a wall in what seemed like a transport station. At first I couldn’t tell which one was her but then one became clear. She seemed emotional as if tears were nearby and she looked intensely at me for a moment before turning away and returning her focus to her father. He was very thin and very tall. He’d gone senile and was staring vacantly at times, at others losing so much of the conversation that he would yell at her for making fun of him or accusing her of talking crazy to drive him insane.

Then I think I left for a nearby mall where I found a video arcade and played laser tag.

Buttercup and I and two others are in this forested mountain winter wonderland scene outside the Berkeley Systems HQ playing the quiz game You Don’t Know Jack. There’s a wall behind us with buzzers, viewscreens, and a pillar in front with Berkeley Systems radio coming out. So we were playing a game or two and we kept switching positions and getting confused. Then the host went inside and this family took my spot. Eventually he returned and asked some question about bodily liquid volume. He pointed out four spots of carved-out snow. We had to pick which one our bodily liquid could fill. As he explained it, a kid ran over to the snow. I hit my buzzer but then got distracted watching the kid jump in the snow and then roll down a hill. I was watching it on a monitor and soon I had been sucked through and was there rolling down the hill, too.

Then I discovered that a ski trail was nearby when this older kid jumped onto it. I found myself all decked out in ski gear and jumped on the trail, thinking it’d be faster to go down and come up the ski lift than to sidestep all the way back up. So I skied down. On the way, I let go of my poles and they slid downhill with me but standing on end and sort of spiraling! I got the poles back. The trail ahead seemed to be more wood than hill. It had rickety jumps and there were sections where I weren’t sure if I should jump up or go under. And then at the bottom the snow was all melted and the wooden trail just ended covered in towels. No ski lift. There was a small lake or pool with the bottom and shore made of stones, and next to it was a sign saying “closed for summer.” I suddenly became very concerned about finding out which towel was mine. Soon I realized that a ton of people had gathered around the pool and were happily waiting for something. Then I saw Buttercup coming from around the people looking for me. I told her my plan to take the ski lift. She came down because she was worried about me. Then I fell asleep.

So I’m working at this shitty grocery store. It’s a big mess and I can’t find anything I need so every customer is taking forever. Then this girl pays in coins and I have the worst time counting them. Then when I turn my back, someone takes them and all these people start messing with me and stealing stuff. Suddenly Buttercup pokes her head out of our trailer home and shouts that there’s tornadoes nearby and I get really excited. So we start chasing after suspects and yelling and Buttercup gets all into the walls and I worry but it’s okay.

There was this big nasty segment about bees. I was in a grocery store, and the bees kept appearing everywhere. I tried many ways to kill them, but some always remained. There was a scene with a big display and I sprayed this liquid all over it, but one escaped. This guy thought the bees were powerful and followed them around. One surviving bee could always produce a queen.

Then I was in the stairwell of a place I might have lived. There was a big vertical cylinder in the middle and a beehive in the center. A voice spoke into my mind “I’ve always thought the old way worked best: fire.” The cylinder started spinning, flashing in glowing rainbow dreamfire. It was beautiful. Bright flashing flames flew out and incinerated everything. This is where the dream “A Great Love” started.

There was this rocky cliff of tan stone by the ocean. It was a hard climb to the top but I managed it. At the top was an old house where the meanest redneck people lived. Memories of 8-tracks, tapes, and a mean basset hound came to me. The man there had tried to make me go away. I was returning to collect what was owed me. Somehow I wasn’t afraid. Their meanness couldn’t touch me. They owed me $100 worth of specific things and I was here at last to take it.

The first thing was this ragged old basset hound with a missing front leg. It was light tan and very wrinkly. When I first saw the dog, it didn’t take to me. It pulled back towards the house. The man came out and asked for $500 and I said we agreed on $20 before. $150 flashed in my head but I stayed at $20. He accepted, then went back inside. The dog began to huddle up to me. I wondered how many years it had left. I had asked if the dog’s leg had been gone last time I saw it and they said yes. The dog was trembling and seemed at times to be a Raggedy Ann doll of great value to me but worn out and old. We went up onto the ridge. The dog was pushing up against me and I was filled with love for it. I could feel it say “Thank you, thank you,” as it began to remember unconditional love. I held it so close and stroked it gently and it was effortless to give. I understood that its earlier meanness and resistance was because it didn’t feel loved or valuable. Now it did.

I wondered how I could take care of it. Would it have enough space to run with me and Buttercup in our trailer home? I saw in its eyes that love was what it needed, and that was enough. I went back down to the stones near the old house and met the man, his wife, and their older, immature son. The Wadsworth said “just sold the dog.” The son said “ya mean old bitch?” and looked over to the ridge. I knew then how much they had mistreated her. He had a box of things I had liked when I was there last and handed it to me. There was a bunch of old tapes in a black game box. The rag-doll I think may have been Buttercup. Then I woke up.

This dream happened while we were sleeping in the car while parked at a Texaco, me leaning back and Buttercup laying across me. The dream, somehow, took that very shape, like the buildings were modeled after us.

It started with Buttercup and I getting really high. Then she said she wanted to go out alone and I couldn’t believe it. She was wearing a low-cut nightgown top and lots of necklaces. Phil started talking to her cleavage and drooling so I hit him with a towel. He was really upset and I wondered how justified I was.

Then I recall fog, darkness, then a JUMP! Buttercup and I are in a car teetering over a cliff, but she is able to back the car away from the edge. She is injured in the back so I carry her, floating part of the way, to safety. I ask what happened and I see the story of this guy holding her by the jewelry out the window of a building and my rescue attempt which got me beat up. We leave the building. It’s dark as anything outside and this guy starts following us. I tell him off but he continues.

Then darkness and JUMP! I’m pulling consciously out of the dream. My desire for happy experiences with Buttercup is behind it. I “open my eyes” and it’s so dark in the car but there’s Buttercup in full color and light laying across me (my eyes are physically closed). She turns to meet my eyes and I pour love out to her and say “Sorry, I love you” and she expresses the same to me — a very nice moment, and very clear. Almost lucid. I felt the dream pulling me back at one point but willed myself to remain in this happier space.

Falling Asleep: Full REM sleep was only moments away.

I was driving on a cross-country road trip, late at night, and I was exhausted. I was experiencing hallucinations while driving as sleep pulled at me. Oncoming car lights became the sparks in people’s eyes. It takes one commonality to change an entire scene — that was all it took to switch contexts. It happens in meaning, in the depth field first. Colors are easily reestablished. A concrete patch in the rough shape of an animal becomes a deer in the road. Colors are easy to change. Dreams creep in from the periphery. Unseen context changes rapidly.

I’m in this class (not a Dark Tower class) and what happens is that students take turns teaching. Some I loved, others not. Someone mentioned that food consumption has increased 30% since a few weeks ago.

Buttercup and I are living on the top floor/attic of this new house. We’re so in love and hanging out with so many friends. It’s a nice house, too, and the area is naturally beautiful. It’s probably a higher realm. We have an entirely new network of friends. There’s this middle-eastern girl, a friend of a friend, who asks me for a ride home and I say okay. I’m flying her over a sea in a plane and she’s telling me how good I was last night in bed. I remember absolutely nothing of this but my first instinct is to accept it as true and try to remember. I work hard at this and begin to remember the previous night bit by bit. There doesn’t seem room for this to have happened and I can come up with so many reasons why I would never do it and why, if I did, I would remember it.

Then I crashed the plane or we jumped out. We fell rapidly to the ocean. We swam to shore and I found a boat. I began to paddle it with the girl in the back. Vortigem H was floating toward us across the waves, above the water and then he was in the boat. Here I told him about the plane crash, but I remembered it as huge taut ropes across the bay which we were walking on and I just lost my balance. So we have a layered memory there. It’s stacked and seems parallel or equivalent from a different perspective. Perhaps I remember the essence of the experience and translated it into a different context each time?

We ended back on the near shore again. I remembered the final missing moments of “last night” which proved that nothing happened and I angrily told the girl off. I thought I must have been drinking and that’s why I had such trouble remembering. I told her she lied and I have a wonderful girlfriend and would never cheat on her and wasn’t even slightly attracted to her. She seemed hit pretty hard but she deserved it, I thought. I got in this very small van with Sid and some other close friends and we drove back to our place. Buttercup wouldn’t talk to me (I remembered earlier not telling her where I was going) and I followed her up to her room and she wouldn’t even look at me. I started reading notes to her from what had “not happened” and she called me a “sleaze dealer.” I kept trying to explain.

I was at Blaine House in the silver light of dawn (like in the waking world: 6AM). The light felt like a presence — a BIG one. There was a thin layer of ice all over the ground. The back yard was flooded almost to the top of the hill, with a thin, barely visible ice layer on top. Everything was so fresh and new, like being outside on a winter morning.

I was meeting my best friends: Buttercup and a representation of the boys at Oberlin. We all just started hanging out, all totally being ourselves. At times Buttercup became Julie, futilely pursuing me. At other times she was Avery. We were hanging out like guys do, and I’d rib Buttercup every once and a while, teasing but giving attention. There was no great want, she was just one of the guys.

At one point I jumped out onto the deck outside my room and a part of the wall became this little wizard, glowing in its own golden fairy light. He told me to escape down the courtyard wall and I do. Without him I would probably have hesitated or forgot. Then I was doing some other magic from atop the wall.

Around every corner and in every room of the house there was a crazy different scene or dream going on, but I stayed in the Blaine House context.

We went by the garage and I remembered that I could walk through walls! So I was jumping all around saying “Ya wanna see? Ya wanna see?” and they didn’t believe me, saying “Yeah, right.” They kept talking amongst themselves. I tried to push my hand through the stucco but it was solid. I said my standard excuse “I hate when it’s . . . crunchy?” and then kept trying. Then I closed my eyes and meditated for a second. I opened my eyes and stepped through the wall. It was like a giant marshmallow exploded as I stepped through (What the hell?) and the white goo covered Wadsworth and his cars inside the garage. It got on us, too, as well as some black dirt. Clearly this was an objective dream effect from stepping through the wall — it did not come from my expectations.

Inside the garage, Wadsworth was sitting on top of his latest and greatest car in the standard meditation position, praying to power and technology, his personal gods. There were four other cars around him, too. He didn’t flinch from the marshmallow stuff. So I left through the garage door and went back around to Buttercup and the guys, who were also splattered.

We went inside and I wanted to get cleaned up before “ma” saw us (I’ve never called anyone “ma” in my life). The guys went upstairs and Buttercup and I went downstairs. I could sense ma coming and scrambled into the bathroom with Buttercup who was flashing to Avery now. She said to leave but I said we’d have to both use it so as not to get caught. I peeked out and saw Emma come around the entranceway and peer over. That room was playing a memory of her and had the same ambient light that the memory was recorded in, which didn’t match with the silvery-dawn light of the rooms around her.

The light in the bathroom was on. I took off my clothes and got in the tub, furiously washing off the dirt and marshmallow. Buttercup, initially using the sink, came into the tub with me and laughed, accusing me of setting this all up, but I humorously dismissed it. While washing, my hand glanced against her butt underwater and she gave me this “nice try” look. Then it was a bed we were in, like a motel bedroom (transform!) and I remembered that we were going to end up together and reflected with pleased amusement on where we were now and how I could have new experiences at that point in our relationship! Wow! How cool is this dream?

I was in a smallish classroom, lit by yellow lamps. Everyone seemed so much older than usual, as if it was a higher, more advanced grade. I was missing the lesson because I was talking to this girl in the back row. It was a long class, and I was engaged in numerous distractions, including drawing, eating, and talking.

Raven is my girlfriend as this begins. We were on our way to a youth group event. We’re driving around this dark neighborhood AND . . . simultaneously we’re fast-traveling through a mall. The powered-off TVs are houses and the car is a thought form. We come across a video billboard (it’s simply a large TV in the mall). I get enthralled watching this hilarious Popeye sketch in The Best of Saturday Night Live. Raven gets mad waiting for me and I decide to just forget the trip. I look back at the TV, which has this woman in a hot tub, and I travel into the scene. This is rationalized by me “remembering” that I traveled there by bus.

So I’m in the room with the hot tub and I take it to be the youth group event we’d been traveling to. There’s a cat in the middle of the tub half drowning and half repeatedly scratching like a robot. The woman is pretending she’ll take off her bikini top to tease the viewers. The joke is that whenever I try to get to her, there’s the cat’s paw in the way. Then the filming is over. [I attempt to interact with her] Now the tub is a bed, and the girl is shifting between Megan and Avery.

Awake: A single image can become anything via shifts in context. It can begin as random hypnagogic patterns or even solid objects. A shift in context, in how you see it, can completely alter it. Rice becomes sumo wrestlers. Your car becomes a village of people. Believe me, it can be anything, even action from a static image. The new scene is transformed through and effected by the original at all times.

References: I used to work with Megan. Popeye is an old cartoon/movie.

I’ll start here since I want this part clear as clear can be. I was in this bookstore cafe eating with some friends, but I didn’t recognize them. The walls were filled with books and I picked up and read one called “Solstice”, thinking that 1) someone took my name, and 2) that it was The Lord of the Rings (LotR). In fact it had nothing in common at all with LotR, though I didn’t realize it at the time. I read a little at a time, and wanted to read more so badly that I started interrupting later parts of the dream to return to it. I read a little at the table, then played some Weezer songs on a 12-string guitar which belonged to this very friendly Arabic/Indian guy. He was about to leave and waited patiently for his guitar. Then he said (probably later) that the Solstice book was his and that I could have it or borrow it for a while if I wanted. He was definitely going to be a good friend.

Here’s the book:

Every other page was a big splash picture that, of course, I went into. It seemed to start with a part called “The Dragon Pits”. It seemed we were going to go deep into them for a treasure, but it ended up being a tower. We were seeking something like the “true jade” that was only ever used to make book pages. All around us near the opening were merchants selling rainbow-colored crystal idols. I was the hero in the story and there was a mentor with me.

We entered the tower. I had to find the secret door and say specific words so it would open. I tried the whole first floor, disbelieving that words could do it. This map of a side view of the tower appeared in my head and it indicated the third floor. The tower was like a thick, substantial Space Needle. While looking at the map, I watched us as little characters speed up one side of the tower and down the other.

Now the map view became real, and from that perspective, we were giants standing before the tower. The tower started looking scraggly. As giants we peeled back layers of the tower like skins. This revealed a blue skin, then a white skin, then a rotten, bug-infested wooden interior. The tower fell over. I didn’t want to touch it but this was a test and I had to stand it up. I did this and sizes suddenly began to return to normal. The tower began to transform and a huge sparkling white gem rose out of it and began rotating. Golden metal bands with glass lenses extended outwards and we ran to get to the far side of the lenses. The wood’s rotten look became intentional. It solidified and other gems peeked out. I ran like mad to get to the far side of the nearest lens.

As soon as I got there I turned and saw what must have been a big gem heave itself from the tower and roll straight for me. It was now, however, a HUGE black rock. Fear shot up inside of me and I wanted to leap aside but I held my ground as the rock got to me. The lens disappeared and turned into a beam of light which picked me up off the ground. It filled me completely with love, life, ecstatic energy. The scene scrolled back for a second and there I was in a big dark place like a movie theater, surrounded by motionless people, but I was floating above my seat, bending over backwards and shaking in blissful rapture. I remember the judgements I expected from those around me but I let the energy run. Then, back in the book, I was convinced. That was the most beautiful, powerful thing I have ever experienced and it changed me. I set off to return to my companions.

Ranier and I took Buttercup to a muddy place to prepare for the next chapter of Solstice where there was a huge endless bug storm (neuron activity again). We got into the mud and it was up to our knees. A cat was nearby. There were floating islands of matted plants and trees, foaming steam pools, and then flying stinging red ants. Two attacked me. Just beyond was a bunch of people, including my new Arabic/Indian friend. I woke up.

References: Solstice was the name of a BBS I once had. Weezer is a band. The Space Needle is a tower in Seattle.

Wow, this one was very cool. I had a room in Tank. I don’t recall knowing my roommates. Buttercup was there at times, though I had to really pull her. There was a lava pool in the back yard. It was squarish, with constantly moving red and yellow lava. At one point it was spitting red coals up through the ground, many of which went over to the neighbor’s house. I went over there and told a boy not to touch them. Little by little the lava spread, and then it really began to flow. It flowed down the alley leading to the neighbor’s house. It went into the back yard in thick sheets and I yelled at a man and the butler to watch out. They were most assuredly thought-forms, though, as they were almost like vacant balloons, animated only by my expectations. One just let the lava take him — just didn’t even notice. After the lava had flowed over the butler’s foot, his colors began swirling and melting into it. As the lava rose, he melted into it, becoming of the same semisolid amorphous flowing, stretching substance.

So my housemates had sealed up the lava hole and I said “No! That’s a bad idea! It’ll build up pressure and BLOW!” As I said BLOW, it did (talk about the power of suggestion). It flowed and filled the lower levels of the house and the back yard. It was really deep (6 feet in the back yard) and the top turned dark gray as if cooled. We ran out onto it. I discovered that when I took big leaping strides, the lava pushed me up into the air with big waves. We played there. Further out in the cooling lava were holes. They had this green haze within and this reflective liquid. I didn’t want to fall in. This was where Buttercup’s dream crossing happened (see below).

Then I realized the whole house was buried in lava and that Foundations was lost. I got sad and distracted for a while but Buttercup reminded me that our friends had copies. I saw the result of the lava from the front street. It had filled in a perfect rectangle of our house’s property. Now I’m thinking — such potential, such thought-reactive stuff, and a brick of stone is what we make?

And get this! At the same time, Buttercup dreamed she was standing over a grate and looking down into a flowing greenish river in these dark sky lands and it was really creepy. That’s how I described the holes in the lava! This seemed like a random appearance in her dreams as the rest of her dreams were so depressing. Then, soon after this crossover scene, she returned to her dreams.

AND it was at this time that I began thinking about the loss of Foundations, as my physical self stirred, brought forward by her mood or her physical waking presence in bed with me. That self reminded me of the physical repercussions of the lava flow and what I must have lost. But before this, the dream lacked all waking-life seriousness.

References: Tank is a co-op in Oberlin.

The latest dream first: I was put in a group of three to do a project of some sort. We were supposed to be acting like ET. One person from each group would get up and do a little monologue in front of a camera. One group was badass ET, beating up this guy who didn’t feel hurt by the blows.

I was playing with this mini powerbook the whole time and not paying attention. Then I heard my name and I was next. So I started writing notes and then our group got together. There were three of us. I didn’t know them but they were familiar, perhaps from the lava dream? Anyways I slightly awoke in the physical but I really wanted to perform so I fell back asleep and went back to the dream.

Of course the scene was different. The whole class and camera were inside a stationary car and we were outside on the sidewalk. I crossed my eyes, bit my lip, and smiled in a funny way. I said, “This is Exphlon broadcasting on channel 8. This channel is silence. . . . This channel is also silence. . . . ” But they weren’t recording. Then this other guy from my group wanted to perform, too. I was pleased. He was tall, with black hair. We exited and entered again. “Welcome Earthlinks!” I said, then focused in, uncrossed my eyes, and peered through the window blankly. Everyone was laughing. My group-mate spoke, then I did and it was all spontaneous and very funny. I ended with this “You are copying everything from us, earthlinks! You have pants, a shirt, Slorboz at every corner, and lights in the sky. But one thing you have forgotten! When we realized there was life on other planets, we made big free love structures to celebrate. If you want to come, dial 669-4plex73.” Then we walked away and down the alley by the lava block.

This took place on the beach. I just was standing there having this fantasy and it got more and more real and I went into this other world, like a little sphere around me. I was doing a spreadsheet of stages and how far we got. Then this girl who looked like Alissa Milano just walked up to me in the city and started kissing and grinding.

It started outside with a big group of people in Wilder Bowl at night, but it wasn’t really unconscious-darkness. We were looking up at the stars and watching atmosphere forms go by. One was the shape of a knight holding out his sword. We expected a dragon next but instead a stupid “next frame” sign appeared. There was all this sound equipment set up. Some of it was mine. Manville and Mordred and some high school friends were there. I just watched them, not speaking for a while, then got all excited and said “Hi” and was friendly. At some point I went to put in my contacts and saw my own eye and it shocked me awake, filling me like a balloon, charging me with energy and waking me up! Cool!

Then it was the Blaine House living room (transition lost) and I think I was a ghost but I was looking for ghosts and found Casper and then a friend heard weird music just in one spot, hanging in the air, and I went to it and heard and was scared and didn’t want anything to do with ghosts anymore.

References: Wilder Bowl is a greenspace at Oberlin. Casper is a super old ghost cartoon.

Context: I'm looking for a place to live in Berkeley.

I was traveling with Buttercup and her friends on an upward-sloping road. I got out of the car for something, then had a Transformers adventure. I returned to the car afterwards and was glad it wasn’t towed. Buttercup and her friends were still with me. I drove it higher up and the road became a parking garage. I was looking for a place to park, a place to live, and something related to the Transformers adventure. The scenery changed and the curves of the garage became crazy, even more curving than the picture below. Soon we were sliding over the curves on a colored blanket instead of a car. The curves sometimes had a sparkling depth. At other times they were ridged with blue, yellow, and red to hold the blankets on.

There were video games on every level and I played some. Then we warped into a party from Buttercup’s dream; a lame, boring business man party. The guy throwing the party heard me describing it thus and looked at me angrily. The room was rocking and tilting as we moved along the track.

References: Transformers is a comic book, TV, and movie series.

This was the weirdest experience EVER! I was woken by Buttercup snoozing the alarm or something and then laid down facing away from her. I then got it in my head to turn over and wrap around her, and I felt the urge to but it was too late! I felt myself being pulled inwards and this mawing deep slow voice sound, like my voice, but slowed down to a deep “auuuuu,” like this sound:

The sound was startling and slightly disturbing. It was not physical — it came from a strange internal source, not through my ears. The pulling inward sensation was a pulling from the body sensation. Then there was an almost popping sound, like a transportation or change was occurring. When it was complete I lost all body sensation and then completely blacked out for 1-2 timeless seconds — a lot longer than I had imagined it would be.

After the 1-2 second blackout, I was back, in this dim space where I felt very small. I said in my head “Shit, I’m dreaming!” and then struggled to come back, with the singular motivation of rolling over in bed behind it. I didn’t even remember this until 5 minutes after I woke up for good (after another short dream).

NEAT! I DID IT!

References: Akira is a movie.

Vast, foggy, wider-than-usual dreams. Very involved and intellectual.

We had this new house. Buttercup was there, and some dream friends who I recognize when there. . . . There were frogs in the entranceway all over and I tried to get some to leave but there were too many. I laughed and wanted to tell Buttercup. Then I saw a turtle get born and it grew up really weird and transformed. Two eyeball halves became one, and it started looking like a ball of mud.

I stopped to write this one down in the dream but caught myself and woke up.

Buttercup and I were moving up a level in Tank, to room 301. That was the top floor. All our best friends were over to help us move. Juno was there, and upstairs was Sticky (who I don’t actually know in waking life). At first the new tenant of our old room seemed really weird, sitting against a wall, watching us move, but I stayed downstairs and talked with her. Her name was Kelly. As we were talking, the room was slowly changing into hers. It had a bedroom, living room, and kitchen. It was in the corner of the building on the 2nd floor. I could see fine (I assumed I had contacts) but wanted my glasses, which I had lost while we were talking. I spent a some of my attention looking for them for a while, finding countless pairs that were all wrong.

The transformation was completed. Kelly’s bedroom was dark and mystical. There were two small glowing flower devices spraying this soft, fragrant water in many tiny streams across the room. The streams were crossing in an X shape in front of the bed — one pink, one yellow. They were the weirdest things — they followed me, pushed towards me to spray me when I got close. The spray was misty and sweet smelling. There were several lines dividing the room and these were two of them. Well, I had finally found my glasses and was ready to leave with the rest of my stuff: some colored wigs and knick-knacks. I said goodbye to Kelly. I thought she was really cool and said it was nice to meet her. My friend (where did he come from?) said goodbye to her three female roommates who were in the kitchen. They seemed younger than me. I realized that I was naked, so I held all my stuff against me to cover up and ran around with my pink butt hanging out, waving at Malani from South. I ran up the stairs and across the third floor to 301.

Image credit to Lady Miss Kier

The new room was so much bigger and nicer than the previous one. There was a hanging plant. Our roommates were this girl who looked like Liza Minnelli laying face down on the couch with a silver sequin skirt, and this friendly black guy. Juno was glad to see me again. There was this girl named Sticky across the room, in the same dark w/neon glow kind of scenery and I danced around a table and proclaimed my love to her: “You, I’ll always love best, Sticky.” She was a super raver-girl with metallic makeup and a shiny silver shirt. Some parts of her shirt were glowing. She was laying on her back, head to me, legs bent, grabbing her ankles and rocking playfully. She looked somewhat like the female singer from Dee-Lite. She didn’t seem very present.

References: South Hall is where I lived at Oberlin the first two years. Dee-Lite is a band. Liza Minnelli is an actress.

I was studying this big, finely-illustrated book of dreams. It was telling of dream worlds and such, very much exciting me. The theories echoed my astral dream theories to a large part. I was also doing big longitudinal studies of Monroe, but it was inconclusive. I remember bits of scenes. I think I went into the cover picture as I descended slowly (I thought I was sky diving) onto a beautiful snowy mountaintop. I was with someone, and we were going to ski or something. There was something about a concert, and my/Buttercup’s Tamagotchi grew up into a flying turtle playing a flute with this swirl in the background. I may have followed into its world.

References: Tito Monroe is an OBEr and author. A Tamagotchi is a digital pet toy.

So I dreamed I was Swedenborg as a boy, experimenting with his powers for the first few times. His/my father kept trying to stop or interrupt me so I fought back. I threw a chair at him in the dining room and it hit him square in the back. Then as he was chasing me upstairs, I hit him with another one. He was so shocked each time. The setting was Blaine House. Then I locked myself in my room and began meditating.

After falling asleep while watching the 80s film Teen Witch, I woke up on the couch not knowing myself. I felt like I was still in the 80s. I couldn’t remember what I looked like, and felt that looking in the mirror would remind me who I was. I felt lost. All but my greater context was missing.

It’s like this with gateways and rotes. Don’t forget where you came from or you lose lucidity — your waking context.

This whole dream segment was set to the song “Africa” by Toto. “It’s gonna take a lot to take me away from you. There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.” I had to kickstart the song because I wanted to hear it. It’d start then stop and I had to force it to continue. At times other people in the dream would sing along. The plot was silly. I was late going to school, trying to decide to get dressed at home or there, playing kickball a little because everyone was on recess, and going inside only to find Wadsworth going to work nearby. Ugh.

Upon thinking a moment this morning of the Dark Tower, I recalled that I was there last night, dreaming intensely.

It was so real. I am a complete person, totally living that experience while there. It’s totally real. No doubts now. I can’t remember too much yet, just that I was at a high parapet looking out over the vast landscape at the twilight sky. It’s dark above but deep red on the horizon. I’m talking with people, climbing on rocks, discovering things, exploring the dream realm. It was so full of activity and adventure, so completely real. That is where I will seek to go in my trances and explorations. I want to bring my friends from there HERE, to see it in its full majesty under lucidity. The libraries, being outside. It’s in the twilight realm. And there are the places nearby that we go to. Fly to? The feel of an impending storm, always. There’s a mountain I climb, I see things from such heights at times! Whatever I was trying to do, to understand, the effort was as intense as while awake.

Sometimes time passes where I don’t remember a dream about the Dark Tower, and then suddenly it comes back. That’s what happened here. I hadn’t dreamed of it in a long while, and then woke up early this morning and there it was, reassuring me that I dream of it early on every night. Last night I was engaged in some really intense research and discovery, as part of a big spiritual project.

This madness! It was sunny and we were outside. A photographer was trying to take pictures of this scientist with his mother and grandmother, but every time we took a picture, day changed to night. Then someone screamed or freaked out, and the scientist, against the advice of the photographer, turned on the lights — to daylight. The picture that came out showed him absent from his actual position and instead tied up in the corner. This kept happening.

When the others saw the pictures, they chased down the scientist, tied him up with a sleeping bag, and accused him of witchcraft. I tried to defend him.

This is the end of a very long dream. Buttercup was with two friends, one of which kept capturing this green bug thing. He told her to pull the legs off this caterpillar and butterfly and she did! I was so mad, but apparently they were growing back.

I was in a circular area. I found a small mouse and picked it up. It began talking to me. It suggested I go back to the fire shaft, a place I was familiar with but hesitant about. I had four cards in my hand with different pictures of the inside. The structure was white and had a pillar with flames in the center. Around it were some wood spokes, perhaps? Anyway, I opened the heavy door to it and left the mouse outside. The entrance was at the top and I jumped down. I knew that I might end up in some other dream, and I had to try not to sink below the fire chamber. I held myself near the pillar and opened up to it and communicated with it. Upon doing so, I felt this ecstatic energy surge through me. I moved around the center with this feeling and then eventually left. The mouse wanted to be returned to its home. I brought it home but when I left it, it was a bent paperclip, not a mouse.

I got a strong sense that I was in a class. It was more a sort of knowing, without being physically vivid and real. I felt my body was nearby but in a whole different space. The class was a well-oiled machine, and from this I sprang into a dream:

This dream was inspired, no doubt, from a big whirlpool I saw earlier today.

I was in this neighborhood of houses on a hill in a rocky landscape. There were big black magma-type rocks near the ocean, and a never-ending whirlpool a little ways out. My house was nearest to the ocean. There was a conversation where I expressed a desire to go through the whirlpool. Then a big wave hit and the house broke loose and started floating on the water. It floated over a rock ledge, smashed into another house, and began moving towards the whirlpool. Someone said “Hey, you got your wish. We’re heading towards the whirlpool!” As we neared it I saw how violent and ominous it seemed. Now I hoped too late to avoid it. My house, full of people, plunged down into it and my last breath of air got mixed with water as the house was sucked under. The underwater portion was impossibly long and my breath barely held but finally I washed out on a beautiful cascading waterfall that was broken by rocky landings.

After realizing that I was okay, I searched for other survivors. They all appeared now as cassettes, videos, and books. I tried to play them. Some worked right away, some worked after a bang or two, and others didn’t at all. I divided them into piles based on whether they worked or not, one pile becoming very loud with all its music and sound. Had everyone been transformed in this new area? I spent a while searching, then decided to go to the next area up. I was changing back and forth between dry clothes and swimsuit and finally I climbed up the next section of rocks.

The first person I saw was Breanna (from the southwest Minneapolis Y.O.U.) who looked up at me, reclining, smiling, golden. I said “Thank goodness you survived” and she seemed at that moment like a girlfriend, like a longtime girlfriend from another reality. Near her were two half full glasses of water with smiling rubber Breanna faces on them. She said there were other people nearby. I was afraid my enthusiasm at seeing her was too much, so I was about to search for more survivors when Buttercup woke me.

Buttercup and I return to San Francisco to see Paige and Nika. Fiona is with us. On the way, the sky is a beautiful pink, mixed with other colors. I practice seeing through closed eyes, and it works. In San Fran, the sky is flashing red and lava is breaking out everywhere. Nearby, a pool of green goo is filling the lower parts of the city and it’s raining sudsy shampoo globs. Buttercup keeps venturing out into the chaos and we keep screaming for her to return. Then there was this big part where I’m running around to say goodbye because I wanted to leave and the goo was approaching our level.

I wander an Invid ship with 7-8 others and discover new armor-ships. [I explore and get in one of the ships]

I remember a view screen, perhaps, or a window in the big ship which reveals a brown haze of points. As my perspective twists and turns around it begins to look like a big spiral and then a vortex. I’m shooting down beside it at an immense speed with this great sound ringing all through me and around me like the THX sound. I felt a rush, a speeding up, and was filled with more energy afterwards. I felt more brave, alive, and playful.

References: The Invid are one of the enemies in Robotech.

We’re all stopped at this big gas station and hanging out. I decide to skateboard. Instantly I’m really good. A few kicks and I’m circling the gas station and jumping curbs no problem. I start by following one of the other guys, then I go solo. I think I could really get into this. Then Juno is following me around on a skateboard, too. I do this fancy board-flipping trick and I pull it off! Then this old gas station guy sees one of his huge gumball machines broken (another skater did it) and starts lecturing us. I am amused.

The dream continues down this lane to the forested front of Blaine House. I’m flying now, and the little hills at the far side of the forest path in the front woods are incredibly exaggerated. Instead of slight three-foot slopes they were mountainous. It seems that slopes and hills are always super exaggerated when flying. This is part of the low gravity feeling I feel.

I’m with a large group of friends (as usual). I think our friendship is based on something music-related. Anyways, my purpose now is separation and flight. I lay down and close my eyes. I relax and let go and I fall into this incredible movement — I’m rocking and twisting, like breaking out of a cocoon. Then I feel myself shoot up into the treetops. My eyes remain closed but my spacial sense is working keenly — that’s how I can tell where I am. I float and fly about and whirl but don’t open my eyes because I’m afraid I might fall. Then I’m sitting up in my dream body and my friends all say it was real, they saw me lift off the ground and move forward. They’re excited and I am too but they don’t seem excited enough. There’s some weirdness and I suddenly doubt them.

Then I’m pursued by this interviewer guy and I escape into this big house on the lane. I run/fly so fast from him through the house that he can barely keep up. I accidentally backtrack into him at the end and so he catches me to talk. We go outside and are sitting on a car. I do more experiments.

I’m in this huge landscape and it’s this advanced Mario game. There are big blue mountains that can squish up and hide under other mountains. One very specific effect I saw was that there was one mountain that was under this village. When there it was like a village all packed in on a hill. But then it would spread out farther and farther as it flattened until there was a great distance between each structure.

I met someone and got to know him really well in one dream and had the feeling of being glad to have found friends in Atlanta so soon.

I’m in this big department store and finally get really fed up at the bad service. The person I’m dealing with is an old meanie. One by one all the customers let him know what a mean bastard he is. Then I take my turn. With each customer he starts listening and then gets all mad and stops listening. I wanted someone to throw something at him, and someone throws a clear sleeping bag at him (a thought form!). I tell him he’s the worst. He stops listening and storms away. I follow him and he is pinching me in an evil witchy kind of way. I tell everyone to rip out all the phones so he can’t call for help, and they do. Then I start a riot, and we all commence to trash the store.

I must have lost the train of thought because I find a drawer I want to buy. There are cashiers working, so I go to pay for it. I buy it and go outside. A guy walks by with 3 Garfield statues and says “Did you see the free Garfield stuff?” I go back inside, find two fierce stylized Garfield statues, and take them. I find I have written plans for the riot and decide to destroy them because I don’t want to be caught. In one version of the dream I burn them. In another, I throw them away in “another store” (which is the same store after a blank-out of forgetting). I get back to my car but find that the drawer is rotted and the Garfields are shrunken and falling apart like trash. Now this becomes the main storyline as I go back to the store looking for replacements.

Context: We had two kittens at the time.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I did it! Lucid Dream!! YES!!! Oh it was so amazing!

I went to bed at 2:30 AM, got up around 9 AM to drive Buttercup to work, and then went back to sleep around 9:15 AM. I tried holding my inner eyes open from 9:15-9:30 AM but to no avail. So I just went to sleep, lights out. The window was open with lots of singing birds. Temperature very comfy.

It began with me getting food in a cafeteria. Bruce (Buttercup’s Wadsworth) was lying on the table with the food, and I was cutting up his arm with a big steak knife to put on my plate. Then I realized what I was doing and looked up because I knew the body I was cutting didn’t mind. I saw another copy of Bruce standing there. He was looking at me strangely, casting his gaze back and forth from the version of him on the table to me. The Bruce on the table began to get lighter and lighter and float up into the air. I turned to the standing Bruce and said “You’re Bruce H.” and he said “Yes, I am”. Then I indicated the floating body and said “Then this isn’t your body,” and he said it wasn’t. At that moment I REALIZED I WAS DREAMING and began running about, leaping from table to desk to chair!

I came upon the kittens and went right up to them. They were very startled, then cautiously curious. They ran and then one of them threw something at me! And then I was flying. Of course, it’s always the first thing I try. My memory is a little flighty. Then I was in this house. The colors were so vibrant and my sense of touch was as real as real! I couldn’t believe it! I grabbed this fuzzy cleaning thing and it was so very soft. I made a note of remembering it.

I was standing on a table in a brightly colored green-floored TV room in Blaine House. I went outside and the house was this brightly lit, strangely proportioned building with bright colors. I was on a hill and tried flying. Here are some secrets: you tend to drift downward unless you turn belly up. It seems your belly pulls you forward. So I’m flying again. I look down at the street and it’s shimmering, like grass in the wind, moving in swirling sheets of points of light. I don’t think I’ve seen anything shimmer quite like that. There was traffic and school buses. I picked up a big bus, and was floating along with it. I scared some kids in other buses by pretending I was going to throw the bus at them. I heard all the kids scream but of course I wasn’t going to — just kidding around. Then I walked up another hill, forgetting about the bus.

I met this kid and we started talking. While we did, the bus I had picked up had shrunk to the size of a large plank of wood. It was just one color of gold/yellow now, and each indentation was much less defined, as if melting, shrinking. Somebody had grabbed it and was running over the hill with it under his arm. I said I heard a bus from the waking side, a rumbling engine-y feeling. I asked the kid if he could hear it and he thought it was the vehicles on the road in the dream. I said “No, it’s coming from the other side, from my body side.” I then had dual awareness for a few moments; half there, half here, but in the same space. That’s when I felt my head and jaw vibrating. I refocused into the dream. The kid saw the shrunken bus and was surprised. Then with a huge smile, I put my hands on his shoulders and said “We’re dreaming. This is a dream!” and he had this look like he didn’t believe me and I said “Yeah, everything feels like usual, but we are!” He started walking back to his little house. I followed and inside there was this girl. I said “Look, I’m going to fly.” I lifted up and drifted immediately down into the corner. He wasn’t very impressed and threw himself in the corner and sarcastically said “Ooh, I’m flying, too.” So I got up with a greater will and did the back flip thing and it worked — I was floating there and flying about. Then he was flying, too, but he was unconscious, drifting in the air but mostly motionless. He had this plastery semi-sweet look on his face.

Then a crowd of people about my age came in. One of them had a stack of magazines, copies of an artistic/fun one like Creative Loafing. I was made a little uncomfortable by all the people and decided to keep my dream realization to myself for a little longer. I was wary of getting into a magazine because I knew it would distract me out of lucidity, but I thought it a good experiment to see what happens. I tried to read and kept going over words, wondering what they meant. Then I thought of how letters are supposed to change in dreams and wondered why I could see them alright. In an attempt to get the meaning, I concentrated really hard on one entry in the classifieds. As I focused on the second half of the word, the first became more blurry and when I returned to it, it said something different. Ah, I thought. Almost getting the meaning changed the words when my expectations blended with the other letters.

Then I turned to another page. This girl next to me asked if I wanted to see the new movie coming out, named “Peace,” which seemed to have two parts. I recognized it and said “Yes, yes, I sure do!” though what I recognized wasn’t something familiar to me now. Then I saw a picture in the magazine of them building the set. “Like Labyrinth 3!” someone said. It had a red, circular structure edged by glowing lines. It had pillars, and two huge guys in Star Wars masks were assembling it. I was getting too into the picture and thought I should wake up so as not to forget. And I did! I woke up with a slight sweat at around 10:13.

I awoke a few times during the lucid dream to discover a vibration shaking my head and jaw and had then forced myself back into the dream. I was sleeping on my right side.

I’m so charged with energy that it’s hard to sit here and write. I’m so refreshed! I want new things to conquer! I don’t want to go back to sleep.

Everything changes! My inner eyes stay so easily open right now.

This morning, the kittens seemed a little hesitant to approach, then both sniffed me profusely before relaxing.

While lucid, it seemed like there were glowing diamonds in my head. The lightheadedness was more of a deeper power of heat spots, like healing Prana light.

So they were right about early morning, waking, then returning. I saw thought-forms! Flew! Was awake and aware! Felt and saw things! Heard the vibrations! Told someone we were in a dream! Yes! Up till now it’s all been study but now I’ve been there, I’ve experienced it myself! Now I don’t theorize, I KNOW! Oh happy happy happy happy day!

References: Creative Loafing is an Atlanta magazine.

Here’s part of a song that was coming through Melody and Brendan’s mean cat: “Then we’ll ask him a question, and if he says ‘eight!’, then psychic talking cat sperm is sure to be great!” Hahaha

So Buttercup and I are living in an apartment in Tank. We have our kittens and everything is nice. We’re sitting, hanging out on the left side path, reading, playing with kittens, and talking with Tavin. Somebody catches us breaking the left sidewalk rule: “You can’t hang out there.” They imprison us in the dark underground garage. The prison term is for 10 weeks. I shout and argue and Buttercup says the kittens will die because they won’t be fed. I am fuming, and write a letter on this yellow-screened computer saying how random and stupid it all was. Finally we decided to hell with ‘em and we followed a car out of the garage. We went back to our room in Tank, but it was now a tent along a row of other tents behind the main building. There was a response to my letter on the wall/ceiling monitor when I returned. It was from someone who used to be a friend, saying that what I did was a bad idea and something nasty about consequences. Buttercup was falling asleep in her sleeping bag. Sid came by, unhappy with me and I fully stood up for myself. He left.

Then (did I supposedly “dream” this?) I saw visions of an invisible force shoving some people on a fence and yelling slurs. Then it shoved someone walking by, and went to a power line and yanked the cord out. The power line was how Tank was plugged in and the immediate result was that it rapidly began to shrink. It shrank until a conglomeration of featureless blue person-sized rooms was all that remained. My tent had deflated around us and was now in a sort of pool around our feet. The people in the deflated Tank poked their angry heads out and I just laughed and laughed. “What do you think?” one asked another. “I think we get him” said the leader, staring at me. I knew they’d blame me. They came to me with pillows and Sid immediately hit me with one. Very angry, I yelled that I hadn’t done it, but had merely laughed and laughed when it occurred. I was trying to yell louder and louder but my voice remained a whisper. At least it was an insistent one. Anyway I convinced them and hit Sid twice with my pillow in revenge. Their anger/life was gone and I felt the story was over. Buttercup was in a sort of cocoon that looked like a stone screw-head. I had the impression that it was safe for her again. All the emotional charges had dissipated. Then I awoke.

References: Tank is the name of a co-op I lived in in college.

Nap dream: I’m on the couch in the living room (but it’s like gramma’s living room). I’m facing the back cushion, with my face is pressed up against it. I’m talking with Buttercup, when I notice my tapestry is hung sloppily behind the couch and not behind the entertainment center where I left it. I am overcome with emotion. I get up, tear it down, and run to the bedroom, crying. I put my head in the pillows, curl up, and just cry. My crying wakes me up. Was I really crying? It seemed to come from reality on just the other side. When I awoke my face was pressed up against Buttercup’s back.

Context: I was reading a book with aliens in it.

I was shopping in a grocery store when these really interesting-looking tall aliens gave me this magic disc. There were these controls all over the top front area. I gripped on tight, pressed one button, and shot up really fast into the sky. I was traveling rapidly through space. It seemed like a colored haze at times and then came together. I went to this planet that was supposed to be Neptune. I descended and came down in this area with trees near a red pond. It was red because it was saturated with tiny red motes. I glided smoothly over the pond and saw a tribe of dark-skinned nature people nearby. There was probably a slight awakening because the dream jarred and repeated with a friend coming with me. He overturned the disc and it got lost. We swam in the red pond over to a small wooden enclosed dock where we met two people like us, but who had been trapped there for many years. I flew out searching for the disc and my searching made tons of buttons and such appear but not the disc. Then a dwarf/elf flew by and dropped off a disc for me and the two others but not my friend.

I caught a recurring dream spot. It’s at the bottom of the hill and up a bit. I am here very often — it’s an ocean-based civilization built along the sea on rock under a massive overhang. The feeling was of both being crushed in a bit and feeling free and light.

I had this large group of partying friends, and I had gotten initiated into a beautiful native cult where I had gotten a mask, a tribal totem and symbol of inclusion, called something like the “semi-sloppily-made” something. Then there was a great dance where I couldn’t see very well, and there was such love and energy flowing from everyone. The first few were wearing blue masks. Everyone showed their own personal talents in the dance. Then some friends were there and were telling me that the government wanted me to return to school. At this point I felt like a little boy. In the rest of the dream, I was my age (23) or a little younger. I said I wouldn’t be taken away, ever, by anyone. I think I felt we were “on drugs” at this point now.

So what happened was that the government started with their mind-bombs. First they set off one that didn’t seem to work, but the next made space and colors fluctuate wildly. There would be rapid color shifts and the room would seem to spin or rock, and everything outside would seem to stretch, move, rock, and twist so that if you were to try to target them, you’d fail. I experimented with targeting a car and found the aim of my finger constantly moving downwards.

So eventually we got away but I felt like we had all just taken very hard drugs and were stumbling and slow. We had driven to a port to the North. Inside, some of the buildings were spacious, elegant, and very rich.

I had a vision of our room — me and my native love. It was green, had big windows, and silky fishnet curtains draped around all over. I so wanted to return to her. I had felt embarrassed about being so drugged up. There were lots of people living on the street. The house was on a ridge of green, and a slight valley lead up to the hill with a town I often dream of. I think the Dark Tower may be nearby.

I was desperately trying to get home to find my love. She was thin and had green hair. There was a hexagon area with rows of red then green jellyfish anemone things, rocking back and forth in the tide. Someone had said you could slip through them without harm but I was always afraid, so I jumped over a corner of it. Coming down to the ocean, around this way was a long way home that I often went by mistake. I came down a craggy decline with broken glass on it. There were crabs on it and a walkway by the ocean.

I had such love for this girl and wanted so badly to be with her that I awoke to put my arms around Buttercup. I was a little sweaty and very hot.

It’s like this picture I have, walking down to the shore! The angles were much more steep. I have been in this dream place so many times before. Every night, I think, Every one! An oceanic civilization with a crazy government out of control? An underwater civilization? Shockwaves underwater can disrupt creature’s senses.

I’m a knight on a foggy hill and we decide to attack this castle. I have two swords and full armor. We charge down the hill and they fire a big orange marble at us. It misses. We break inside and start fighting.

After having an argument with Buttercup, I went to bed mad.

[I dream that Buttercup has cheated on me] She was distant and the dream was so so horrible. The whole area was like in miniature, somehow, maybe from a high flying perspective. All the emotion woke me up.

This dream was ultra clear and in vibrant color. I was in my room at college. There were two ladies there and some crickets. I crushed one with a pool ball and then let the cats eat it. Another cricket under my desk gave off lights as I slowly squished its rear segment. The lights and energy released made me feel dizzy and strange.

Yesterday I couldn’t get the Bjork lyrics “all these accidents that happen” out of my head. Then I dreamed of looking for cars in a really dark car lot while Buttercup had dreams of dying in a wreck. Today Buttercup got into a car accident and while she was unhurt, the car was totaled, setting us on the search for a new one. Uncanny!

I was in a land made entirely of ice and water under moonlight. There were mountains of ice, and near the water were icebergs.

Buttercup and I were staying in a tent together. We were part of a group researching all these different ocean creatures. One was this creature that stuck to you. There was a whole field of them in the water. We went out exploring and I ended up falling into the water. The others came to my rescue and dried me out. I didn’t feel cold. We saw different kinds of fish.

In the end, the land of ice turned into Oberlin. Oberlin seemed to be around the corner in a non-icy spot, and then I gradually forgot about the ice and didn’t see it again.

[This continues into a long dream of being in Oberlin]

My cross-country journey continues in this dream, in which I stop in a big forest for an outdoor rave. I’ve been doing a lot of this recently. This time the area I come to has some military-looking people. The trees are very tall and the plants have huge leaves. There’s tall grass and lush vegetation everywhere. I was driving an SUV. I try to get a spot in the corner. I’m so excited to be here!

I head to the bathroom, and meet someone. The talk flows free, smooth, and friendly. I’m making friends by the dozen. One guy keeps saying something I don’t understand, something about GRANT and I think back to my recent Minnesota to California trip and say, “I think I went to that one!” He says “Yeah, it’s on the way!” We decide to camp together. There’s some confusion now if he was the one I was traveling with before or not. So then I meet another guy who turns out to be an old friend. We talk a lot and I invite him to stay with us, too, but he is uncertain. We’re in a house now. Then some crazy girl I recognized came downstairs and told me to invite Brit B. and I said it’d take her two days to get from Minnesota to here (Colorado?). I remembered that Brit had been to a rave recently and got very drunk and passed out.

I suddenly knew Buttercup was coming and ran to the door. Before I got there I could see her through the door as if through warped glass. I threw open the door and grabbed her in a big hug. At the time I knew this was her spiritual body. It was extra shiny and detailed. I knew she had been on the way. I was so happy to see her! Right after Buttercup appeared there was some stirring in the physical and we woke up.

The things I knew in this dream! I knew of its true location and nature.

Buttercup and I are in the city, in this comic store, where I looked for New Mutants and X-Force, both comics about the next generation of mutants. The comic guy was talking to another guy about a tragedy at home, maybe his house had burnt down. I thought maybe I should tell him that his comic store would burn down, too — that I dreamed about it.

There was something going on that was giving freedom and rights to women, and it was a long-term thing and very successful. So I decided to start a rally for the children, to release them from the great bias and control, to free the children and the young! I started yelling out to everyone to gather and rally the children. All these children started following me in this huge march. At one point I was trying to cross the street but there was too much traffic and I decided against it.

On the next block there were no cars, only people, and one of them was HUGE — at least 10 feet tall. I wanted to talk to him but he turned invisible. In my head, I turned around to see if I could see him and imagined I’d see a ripply spot where he was. In this imagined scene, I was in a curved spherical space where it’s darker but I still partially experience what’s outside me. When I’m inside my head, I’m not experiencing the outside. I talked with Buttercup about it all.

Buttercup and I get distracted from the march and go to a comic store. We start grabbing rave fliers on the way out. This friendly guy starts giving me directions to a rave near Atlanta: take 75 to 6-- to 706, to exit 13/14, then to the liquor store on Walker Road. I didn’t understand his directions at first but then it became clear.

Next door was this food place and we sat outside around this big rock. On the rock was this guy we knew from somewhere. He eventually started talking to us. He introduced this smiley girl to us and we started talking. Buttercup got really nervous and shy so I had to be more talkative. The girl said “You must be in a really bad mood.” Buttercup said we were tired out from all the directions we just heard. During the conversation with the girl, I turned inside myself again. Everything got really skewed with dark areas from behind me becoming more central to my visual field. I missed a few moments of outside activity and when I turned back out, she was back to talking with her other friends. The girl grabbed a piece of aluminum foil. I grabbed mine and got all excited because I knew a funny foil trick. She noticed me beaming at her and brought her attention back to me. I couldn’t access the trick for a few moments and she waited. I said “I know this trick with foil” and then I remembered it. I blew on it funny and it made funny sounds. There was amusement.

References: The New Mutants and X-Force and super hero comics.

I’m watching humpback whales flee in terror from something. They circle in front of this wall of stone, then smash into it. They lick the algae to see if there’s a way through. Beyond the wall is a black area on the ocean floor. A cheetah is running by on the top of the wall (underwater!). A whale bumps the wall, almost hitting the cheetah, and something from the black area is knocked loose and floats to the surface. It’s a microbe or disease.

Suddenly the sea surface is a tabletop with myself and other students standing around it. The teacher says “Who do you think gets affected by this disease?” He tells us to launch these rubber bands in the air towards the table. He’s hoping they land randomly on all the models of plants and creatures around but they all land on the grass, so he redistributes them. We were talking about the effects of a whale-chasing machine and how a virus could wipe out everything.

There’s this big game of Warcraft going on in the valley in front of the Dark Tower. It was like a bunch of guys playing with miniatures on two large islands. My characters were Benjis. I had to duplicate them by having them mine and farm. My attention kept wandering from the game. There were six starting cities in our island, and three players. I was in one very close to a main enemy road. One enemy was Uruk Hai.

I know these lands so well from many other dreams. There was a dream of going south, then east, and discovering a big forest and castles. This place is really rock solid. You can see the Dark Tower on a slight hill in the distance. It seemed more stormy now, as if it had rained recently and the sun might break out from behind the clouds. The lands could be very beautiful. There is a flavor or smell to the whole place. I had a memory of doing 3D holographic modeling or something at the Dark Tower. . . . Very dim now. . . . The drive there is along the coast from the north to the middle of the map. The rolling plains were green with grass and stony patches. Where I was playing Warcraft it was gray and it was dark with scattered lights on the island across the water.

The ever-present effect of bright reds along the horizon in the East was present. Under it, shrouded in dark, were the dotted lights of an old city.

I haven’t played Warcraft for a while but I went through old RPG stuff last night.

There was one point where I was looking through a book and pining over pictures of Alison, my crush from 6th grade. I loved how cool her hair was, in this totally 80s style. I thought ahead to Buttercup’s hair and thought “It’s not very good.” Buttercup looked all strange and warped and weird, as if through a mind that wasn’t very fond of her. Was that my 6th grade self?

References: Warcraft is a video game. RPG refers to my tabletop Role Playing Games. I had one centered around the Lord of the Rings, where Uruk Hai are a species of orcs.

These fleeting scenes are coming back, including a memory. A common experience was jumping out the window of my childhood bedroom in Blaine House to another world far, far below. And now, Buttercup and I were up high, among the trees, where my room is. Maybe the roof had become transparent. At any rate, Buttercup wanted to go somewhere out of the rain, and there was a dry place in the world down there, in the caves by the water — that’s where we had to jump. But it was a mile down this time. I had done it countless times before but now I hesitated.

“Is there any other way?” I thought. Instantly a scene appeared in my head: a computer screen with fluffy clouds and options of places to go. All I had to do was select my destination and I was there, without the nasty drop. I went back to tell Buttercup but for her the options were grayed out.

In this, the next Star Trek movie, our home planet was threatened by the largest bomb ever made. It was long and pointy and came to rest in an exact orbit over our home planet — a planet of red lava and scattered dark lands. We were in this huge ship, very much like Space Station Benji (I think it was). We stopped it directly under the tip of the bomb, ready to try and drag it out from the planet when it finally fired up. I had extensive knowledge of the planets and star systems in the area. I think it was near the center of a galaxy because the stars were very close to each other. I understood the very complex technology in the ship. How wonderful to be in a life like this!

I was a friend of the princess of the royal line of Prokovia. I wanted her to step down from power. We were in a huge city made of endless green stone with futuristic fluidity, yet made of bricks and mortar.

[We work on getting her to step down]

At one point, the princess was two black labs.

We saw a movie, then (or it was some dumb idea someone had). It was that the Greek gods get involved in the princess drama. But it was a less than B-grade movie and everything was super cheesy and dumb. The gods were bumbling around and broke a hole in the city’s inner wall, which would allow anyone in. We had the idea to stake out the opening and see who would come through; who the princess’s enemies were. I remember someone sneaking through, but it was more of a thought than real, like a darker thing of a slightly different style. It didn’t fit.

It began as a transformers food battle, where the transformers shot food at you. Then it changed and was armored humans and our weapons were needle-things that we simply threw like darts at each other. The darts would take our health down 90% to a thin, unconscious band of power. Needles were flying everywhere. They were using big blast weapons up ahead for some tougher aliens/enemies. This person in a devil costume ran by, being shot at mercilessly. Then I turned around and saw two people in the corridor behind me, walking and talking. I ran to attack but realized I was in a devil costume and so was my good friend who was with me. And the two next to us were us — twins! I was beyond fascinated, so much so that my focus began wavering in and out — dulling and sharpening. We sat down to talk and I got to know the duplicate girl. At times I was dumbly nodding, and at other times I added clever humor to the conversation. In and out. I looked at the guy and thought “That’s what I look like?” There were needles in our shoulders when we first met and they didn’t affect us. We pulled them out.

I’m on a school bus with a bunch of other kids and (I think I created this plot by wondering) one had this rotting disease that we all suddenly got — a sort of tape worm thing. There was a lot of action and stand-offs and then we blamed this girl for being the cause. We all got off the bus and decided to kick her ass. The road was deep red, like Atlanta clay, all just freshly torn-up dirt. There were lots of trees. Suddenly I was the girl, walking towards the intersection where I could be seen by the gang of angry kids, knowingly doing so to further the story, unafraid. They came after me and I ran. I knew this had to happen. They chased me into a barn and were beating me up but I felt no pain. My will pushed through and I shouted, explaining everything, and eventually I was in control of the plot and the group again.

It was I think at this point the dark barn turned into the space station. The plot continued as a story with aliens. The “others” in this dream were the gang of kids in the previous one. I jumped from one body to another.

The dream begins with Buttercup and I in a road race using muskets and shotguns to get ahead. Afterwards we go to the lodge to check out and I forget I still have the musket in my hand. I want to leave it behind but can’t really — like I already committed to it. Buttercup checks out, then two others, then it’s my turn. I have to show three IDs. I hold them out to the dark-haired woman and wait, going into a bit of a daze. I didn’t notice that I had got in the way of her cleaning up. I’m sure it seemed rude. I became more lucid and apologized but she wouldn’t accept it. I explained that I didn’t mean to get in the way and she wouldn’t believe it. She was mad and blowing me off and I got really angry and jumped up onto the counter screaming what a very rude person she was being and everyone around was slightly shocked by my outburst of rage. As I was turning to walk out, this young, immature-looking kid from my dream-side youth group turns to me and says to a friend, “Look! He did it again!” As if my behavior was often like this and had really been getting to him.

Troubled, I exit and Buttercup and I go to this old garage-like mall. It’s filled with people our age. It’s a little bit friendly and fun, and a little bit scary. We’re looking around and it’s like how I remember Bob’s Produce Market, with lots of earthy smells. Further back, there’s some movement and Buttercup tells me that the rude girl up front wasn’t very liked and the people there heard my story and were going to get her fired.

After other assorted bits, Buttercup and I go to a food area in this cobblestone mall. Everyone was growing impatient waiting for the guest of honor to arrive, so someone had thought to break out the wine. The waiter asked if I wanted white or rose, and I said rose twice but he kept looking at me. It seemed like he was still waiting for an answer. Behind him, over his right shoulder was a rose. Then it disappeared. Then it reappeared as a bunch of white roses, then disappeared again. Each change attracted more attention and I thought he was a magician and was trying to figure out how he did it. This was followed by a stage show with a color-changing veil.

In hypnogogia, I was trying to project an image out so I could draw it. I tried a US map, but it had 2 Floridas! Do I have a dream astigmatism?

References: My Emma used to take me to Bob's Produce Market when I was a baby.

Last night, after a great party with Buttercup and some friends, I dreamed:

Buttercup and I were in a lodge, at a rally. We would meet out of our bodies in the hall near a radiator and go on a date each night. A little exchange with my dream self and waking self let me know that most people dream from within their bodies in bed, and that we had left ours. Buttercup and I were semitransparent and glowed brightly. We looked at each other happily, and then I leaned back into the radiator and found myself elsewhere.

Buttercup and I were now two luminescent men with grayish golden hair. We had a small piece of mountain land with soft grass and a small, muddy-bottomed lake. The land was for running her horses. Earlier, there was a thunderstorm while we were at a larger horse-running land.

I felt strong emotion, accompanied by this cool spinning sensation within me, like strands of golden light. The spinning made me feel excited and unstable. I knew I had to report this and ran back to . . . somewhere and woke up.

References: Rallies are youth group gatherings put on by Unity Church.

During a nap: I was in a house with Buttercup’s family. I was on the main level, playing music on this big black TV-like thing. I had the “ultra bass” button pushed in. We went downstairs to the basement to eat in the room underneath the TV thing. It was so incredibly loud — playing a loud distorted buzz of a tune: high_-__--_-_-_high then silence, then a repeat, as if only it were playing every other measure. My senses were dull and I couldn’t think straight on the basement level. To get back upstairs to turn it off, I had to push myself along the floor. I was the size of the passageway, as if the basement were a more compressed, lower frequency world, a third of the height of the main level.

Context: The waking life correlates are there. I recently had a kidney stone and a new fear of not having perfect health.

Scariest damn dream. Buttercup and I are living in a city like Atlanta. There are bad neighborhoods near us and a big park. I’m wandering in a stupor through this scary, dark, poor, crime-ridden part of town. Am I following some people or are they following me? We pass a fence leading to the park and I see Buttercup off in the distance, walking hurriedly. She is upset, frustrated, searching. I call out to her. She is obscured by a fence and trees. I climb the fence and run to her. She tells me she had lost me again on the way home, that I had wandered into a bad part of town again and it worried her sick. This had happened many times before.

As we walked through the park, she told me about some everyday things. But as we exited the park, the sickness began again. I blacked out and began to wander, possessed. I started vomiting disgusting amounts of yellow and white pus, over and over. Buttercup was so repulsed. I had the feeling that this was related to something back from my childhood. I had exact detailed printouts of all the cycles and changes my body went through. I wondered if I should go see a doctor. Buttercup thought “yes”. It was as if at those times I’d be a mental case, an invalid, a possessed unthinking dullard, and to me there was nothing worse. The nastiest nightmare.

I’m in an auditorium and evil (red-shifted) Buttercup is being mean and gets in a fight with my girlfriend Buttercup (they look identical except for color). I step in with strength and, looming over the evil one with my eyes glowing, forcefully tell her to stop. She responds with angry taunts but I cut them off and joke “Is this going to rhyme?” and her taunting doesn’t get to me.

Red-Shift: Heavier gravity causes a red-shift in light, so maybe evil Buttercup was from a lower, more compressed astral realm, and that’s why she was red.

It reminds me of cartoons where there’s a little red devil and a white angel sitting on someone’s shoulders. Note how they are smaller versions of us, reflecting the smaller astral size.

In the waking world, there was lightning flashing outside.

In my dream my mind was trying to create a “standard lightning” to fit them all in the same mold so they’d have less effect on my dreams. It was trying to desensitize myself to a repetitive stimulus. It didn’t work and the lightning and thunder eventually woke me up.

I was sitting in front of a board-game featuring a volcanic island. I hit two fire marbles together and a big flaming meteor descended (from the marbles or me) into the volcano. I hit the stones more rapidly together to get the volcano to erupt and it did. My concern for a group of little people on the rocks brought me down into the scene and we built defenses. It was all play — a game.

Context: The Dalai Lama was coming to speak at the Emory Graduation in 9 days on May 18, 1998. I went to see him.

I was a friend of the Dalai Lama!

I was spending time at a few ashrams, or just one which I returned to. I spoke with yogis. I lacked the cultural traditions (bowing and such) but they didn’t mind.

There was a big outdoor festival. There was a scene with someone stealing balloons. I flew up high to this balloon cloud and played with 4-6 perfectly spherical people. What a strange thing! I felt I was up in space with them but I was only as high as the bleachers. Weird! And I had moments of “I’m dreaming!” but then I didn’t get any clearer.

Then it was almost time for the Dalai Lama to speak at the Emory graduation. Two vaguely familiar old guys came up to me and gave me two free tickets to see him. I was very grateful. I arrived in the big school auditorium, and sat by the Dalai Lama in the back. I stupidly asked if he was nervous. Everyone was dressed very strangely. I had a big hat, and was dressed in a slightly far-eastern style with a western hippie flare. The Dalai Lama was doing something with a paper bag mask. As he went up to speak, Buttercup woke me up.

I’m flying high up in the atmosphere. I can see all these dry, treeless continents and then one floating above the others with huge untouched jungle forests. There is someone with me, flying, and it appears to be Wadsworth. Everything below has a whitish glow to it. We are at what seems to be the top of a wall with no roof. On the other side are the tops of the trees of the jungle forest. We comment on the extra-tall lighter green trees — something we’re familiar with. I fly to a tree and grab on. I look down and become very afraid to let go. What follows is a scary descent, wherein my fear kept blinding me to my weightlessness. At the bottom I found myself among a group of friends. There had been some velociraptor attacks and we knew if we all held on to each other, we’d act as one large entity and overcome them. We held on when two attacked and the theory held true.

Then later on I’m on Cloud Drive near the Schmelzers’ house and two wolves come from the woods. A friend had said he feared the wolves. . . . Hey this is just a remake of the last scene! I must have awoken and then returned to the same scene with a different context! But this time there was a black wolf and a white one and they were very friendly. This Elfquest story took over and we wandered and waited and watched through the trees.

References: Blaine House is on Cloud Drive and the Schmelzers were our neighbors. Elfquest is a graphic novel series.

I’m at this resort on the ocean, with forests and rivers around it. It was in a little resort town. I went to see the ocean and there were steep, uniform waves moving in.

The next day there was a storm and the waves were strange and very tall. They were standing in rows but shifting constantly. The wind was moving them. The waves almost looked scared, like snakes wavering. I “hoped” in my head not to get hit by a wave and suddenly the wave in front of me churned and sent forth a blast of water the size of my head right at me! I sidestepped it and it blasted for a good 12 seconds. I went and told Buttercup. The whole world was shifting and rocking up and down slowly. One of the benches was crooked for compensation.

As two waves combine, I notice there is a hole in the middle of them for a moment.

I dream I’m lying on the couch, half sleeping. I see an orange sun outside the window and the sky is reddish orange like a sunset. The sun is pretty high up to be so orange. The clocks say it’s 1:00 and a voice says “Now you’ve slept in later than even in college.” Since I meant to be up early I was a little horrified. I looked again at the sun and focused more. The sky turned more blue (accurately reflecting the real sky now). It more or less shifted back and forth. Then the message machine started playing a message from River, barely audible. I messed with the volume a little and it only barely helped. He was inviting us to something and complimenting us. Was this a mental communication?

Context: I had quit Definition 6 the week before.

So I decide to check out how Definition 6 is doing. I’m there and it’s abustle with new people. There’s a big empty hole where my desk was. I’m talking with Quentin about people’s reactions to my leaving. I said, “So no one even said anything?” He said “No. I was here the other day and no one said a word.” The morning meeting was commencing and Meagan walked by. I said “Hey”. Everyone was lining up at the back entrance and Peter came down the middle with someone, wedding-style, to symbolize the wedding of their company with a new one. They had also decided to combine their names. I just wanted to leave so I slipped out among the others.

Outside everyone was turning around to see their new sign. In yellow and white with an edge of blue lightbulbs was “THE MAGUA DISCOL.” I let out a laugh. “Disco-L? Just put a few more nails in their coffin,” I thought as I awoke.

Buttercup was going away for the day and I decided to kill myself. I’m standing on the street and put a gun to my head and shoot! Then I concentrate and say “5, less blood to see, 4, less blood to see, 3, 2, 1” and I look from a third person perspective and see myself standing there. There’s no blood, but I’m pale. Then I go back into my body perspective and think that Buttercup would probably have preferred to be there when I died than find me later. Since I found I was not actually dead yet, I assume death is on the way. I begin to wander.

My consciousness is changing. It gets clearer and clearer and I feel almost exactly like I’m on LSD. There’s this swirling energy in my head which lights up and clarifies the visual field wherever it’s at, leaving the places without it darker and blurrier. It would flow along the edges of things like doors and enter objects. There were multiple swirls at any given time.

At one point I felt the wound with my hand and my flesh seemed to be intact but there was a little indent the size of a BB in the skull near my right eyebrow, along with a dull pain.

After some wandering, I awoke. It was 5:20 AM — a perfect time for lucid dream experiments! I practiced MILD and then went through the counting: “1, this is a dream, 2 this is. . . . ” I was conscious when the paralysis began coming on but I kept being disturbed by jolts and strange physical sensations. When I got past them, this intense active energy filled me. I felt like something was about to happen. I kept pulling back, feeling that if I didn’t, I’d float away or expand to infinity. I even felt a sleep twitch and a straightening of my spine. So close! A well-done experiment!

References: MILD (mnemonic induction of lucid dreams) refers to a lucid dreaming technique.

I had gone to work at Definition 6 again and it was all different — rich oak furniture, no monitors, and very few workers. I thought I was supposed to come in Monday and Tuesday but thought maybe I was wrong and left.

Then I left and Buttercup was with me. We came to a fence and while trying to cross it I remembered as a dream that she and I had been to the beautiful mountain place. At the time I likened it to the Dark Tower but it was more like the Tower, except lush and beautiful and untamed. We had gone on an adventure that crossed many areas of the steep hill. The memory was so beautiful that tears came to my eyes and I was very moved by emotion.

Then we left the area and went for the car. It was at a college. We saw the car, but the license plate said “Collection.” Someone changed it! And they were driving off in it! So we jumped into the car, Buttercup driving, and chased it. Eventually I became the driver. It wasn’t until later that I realized this folly and said “The car that I’m looking for is THIS one” and pointed straight down. I felt so silly and a little embarrassed.

Context: Wadsworth kept a full radioactive waste barrel in the garage of Blaine House. No joke.

I’m at Blaine-house with Ruby. There’s toxic waste out front, just outside the courtyard wall. It begins to fume, which worries me. Then I notice that there’s burned acid-holes in the sidewalk and wall and a lot of where Ruby’s room was was eaten away, revealing damaged wood. We were owners of the house and going to move in but now we thought otherwise.

While trying to call someone I saw a huge airplane flying low in the back yard, flying so strangely that it must have been a thought-form! It almost stopped in the middle of the field, then continued towards the edge of the woods, where it wouldn’t clear. Then it turned around and drifted across the field into a ditch. I ran to get rubber rafts to save them, and tried to get Ruby to help, but she wasn’t interested.

Buttercup dreamed of a string of identical puppies, some larger than others, and they all lacked any expression. At one point she dropped one and its leg bent under its body in a grotesque balloon-like way and it had no reaction. She spent the rest of the dream looking for a veterinarian.

July 4: I was inside Wilder at Oberlin and some official lady was trying to track me down and capture me, but I considered her more of a nuisance. I went into a darkened room with Melody and Brendan and hid in the adjoining room behind some clothes in the closet. She stormed into the room after me and searched, even where I was, but missed me. Then she found me and there was a big wrestling match, but I slipped away and the chase continued.

July 5: A continuation of yesterday’s plot! The same mean crusty lady is chasing me around Oberlin, saying “You’re the worst non-Native American student of your class. The worst!” and I caught her on the Native American thing, “Listen to you — skewing information to make me out to be bad!” Graduation was coming and she must have been getting to me as it was very dark — a heavy black cloud covered graduation just 30 feet up. I didn’t want to be there. Strange! Who is this persistent lady?

It was a night realm and I was in a big office tower. There were these spotlight things out there searching for me. I was with someone who knew lots about them. You had to hide from them. If they shone in the window and lit you up, they’d follow you closely and have ultimate manipulative power over the dream. The stairwell in the office tower was glass and we had to run in short bursts to avoid the lights. We could see them moving through the thick, cloudy black sky before they beamed out at us. At the time, I was an expert on how they worked and what they did but much of that has faded.

A girl had joined us. I found her attractive. We got to a high floor and ran about hiding. I hid in a closet just as the light shone at the closet door, but the guy with me was caught in the light right outside. Since the light was still getting in a little through the edges of the closet door, he coached me on what to do, telling me to hold still and look at the darkest areas of the closet door. I did and began feeling calmer and calmer. Did the light leave? Soon I exited the closet. The guy told us all to take off all our clothes so that the light couldn’t copy us exactly. On retrospect, it was a thing which I had wanted, and, as the lights were known to absolutely manipulate the dream, made little sense as a deterrent. Soon, we all sat along the wall, naked. I turned to the girl and asked if she’d like to do it and she said, enthusiastically, “Yes!” We were about to but some force prevented us. I looked outside and it was full daylight. In fact, it had been daylight for a little bit. The room was the same, but I could see that it was now speeding over a brown-red rocky landscape with sand dunes. So the lights had gotten us. The other guy said that it was probably an illusion meant to prevent us from jumping out. I wake up.

The following was a version of The Tower. As usual, it contained a challenge. It was a stadium with an angled walkway up the middle of the playing floor. There’s a repeating dream within the stadium in the form of Final Fantasy Tactics where I’m given a guitar that turns into a gun and I need to slay this George Clinton character. I’m unleashing water in different directions, and there are many repetitions.

In the final repetition, all the children come to the opposite side of the stadium where I was and gather around me. A boy in the front looks at me sternly. His eye contact seems to have initiated a change in attitude that changes the scene to this:

It begins like another repetition but this plant-like light green creature leaps off the edge of a balcony and hits a switch which turns on a sprinkler system. The creature flies over the tops of the trees and plants itself in the middle of the stadium, which is like a greenhouse now. All these rain fairies of every color and shape leap off the plants and fly and zoom through the air. Each is a different color and light as air. I am one of them. I think I’m red or purple. The rain keeps us flying and we swirl about and dance on the breeze. Our collective will keeps the rain falling. We perch on a grove of trees. Someone asks me “Wasn’t that fun?” and I say “Yuup!” I feel pure joy and we laugh. The rain has stopped and I ask “What happens now? How do we hide?” We’re slowing down and she says just grab the plant and rest. Then I wake up.

The flying was exhilarating! It was like a wonderful ride filled with such energy and fun. This was a most beautiful life. They seemed like plant spirits which come to life in the rain. This last repetition of the challenge was definitely a true dream.

References: George Clinton is a funky musician.

I came to at the intersection of 3rd and Tjo Street. It felt like I was tipsy. My vision was slightly dim, but pretty good. I noted a blue/green car with license plate 590 GBJ — the letters were something like that. I was totally aware that I was dreaming, and OB in my neighborhood. I made a mental note of the car and license plate so I could find it later.

While first setting out on Tjo Street, Buttercup came skipping down the way and it was like this bouquet of flowers came from her and shot into my arms. Then she gave me a big hug and kiss and then retreated away (she’s awake and at work right now).

I continued down Tjo Street for a while. I was stumbling at times, winding and weaving and it seemed that my vision could easily go out and a fantasy-dream would start up and take its place, but I held on strong. I was walking, not gliding. I came to a street sign and I reached out to touch it. It felt solid and real.

Continuing down Tjo Street, I eventually came by a nursing home complex. I went inside and this old woman stopped suddenly and said “I feel a presence.” I started speaking to her. She was frightened at first but my voice was soft and soothing. I told her my name and asked hers but she didn’t respond at first. Then I pushed on and she said something like “Anga” or “Ema” or “Ama” and I repeated it and she clarified it and it started with an “A.” I told her I’d come by in about 1/2 hour in person.

While I was talking to Ama, I saw Cous-Cous and Smitten (our two cats) approach. They were totally loving, and I was holding them and petting them.

I left Ama and walked to the top of the hill that Tjo Street went along. The cats followed me. There was a little dirt & gravel bare spot or parking lot. I decided to turn around and go back to see if the blue/green car was still there before I woke up. I ran swiftly back down Tjo with big steps. As the speed increased, so did this tingling feeling that was in the back & top of my head and my scalp. Soon it felt that a hand was holding my head steady as I bounded down that slope. I looked up at the clouds to match that, too. They were swirly and billowing, and I thought “that’s not normal or likely,” and the alarm came on.

Verification: During the very half hour of that dream, Buttercup wrote me an email! Thus her appearance!

Context: I'd quit my job at Definition 6 six weeks earlier.

So I’m at Definition 6 playing lots of games while everyone else works. After a while I realize I’m not supposed to be there and I leave. I go to my car outside (outside is consistently different from the actual place) and drive away. I’m in the big red van again. I went to the mall and descended a strange vortex-like ramp to the parking lot. I went inside.

I came to in the living room of THIS apartment. I had been downstairs taking pictures and writing notes on the nature of time and the mind. I was reading something in my mind — some kind of instructions. The meaning seemed to come through faster than the words could convey and thus the words seemed to shift as I read them. Later I tested my dream state by looking for something to read. I opened a book and it was all blurry and I hastily concluded that this proved my dreaming state.

I looked out through the set of three windows. The clouds were really interesting (though the sky’s clear in the waking world). I wanted to go outside, but each window I opened revealed a screen covered with spiders and webs. Ugh! I couldn’t go through that. At times it seemed that the yard of Blaine House was down below. I knew I had just gone to sleep and was OB or dreaming. I remembered something I had recently read in a book, and thought “So I shouldn’t be able to leave this room without shifting bodies.” I willed myself to the room’s entranceway. My body took a few steps and tipped to the right onto the sofa. There was a weird in/out sensation and then I got up again and walked through the entranceway into the kitchen.

I went downstairs to the pool table room of Blaine House, now all rearranged. Wadsworth and Emma were there. Wadsworth couldn’t see me but Emma could and was thrilled. We mind-talked but not too successfully. She could see me as a light haze. I told her to draw what she saw and I put a piece of paper by her because she wasn’t getting it. She went to the couch and I danced about. She had some of my pages of notes and photos from earlier and started reading them. I didn’t want her to and went to see what they said. There was some writing about time, then some doubt about being able to get lucid or OB. I felt myself upon reading it that I was losing a grip and fading out. I was disappointed that Emma didn’t finish her drawing.

So, back in bed, I wondered if I should wake up or go out. I knew getting out from here was easy and I tried a little but decided instead to wake and write it down.

This was a pretty low degree of lucidity with many hallucinations.

I was dreaming in a strangely lucid way. When I went to sleep, I immediately saw the darkness before my eyes as a 3D space, with occasional risings of bright light. I was more conscious and aware. I was aware of Buttercup’s every shift and body movement, and my attention went momentarily to the waking side, then consciously returned to the dream. For hours I had this higher awareness. At the end I was able to draw out of the dream instantly, and wake up without any sleepiness.

There were a bunch of girls who were attracted to me. Each had some good qualities, some had just one. There was one with them ALL and she loved me very very much, but wasn’t possessive or clingy and we were “together”, even when apart. She had a good friend who was at times a shard of bright light.

In the dream I thought the perfect girl was Buttercup, and I still do. There was no jealousy or fear at all.

Context: I had quit Definition 6 two months earlier.

I had a big dream of visiting Definition 6 where Derek was getting really vicious trying to keep me out, and I woke from the dream crying.

After going back to sleep, I returned and got someone there fired. Then they hired three children and an evil dog to kill me. The dog was the real baddy.

Awake: After watching a short news report on a hurricane animal shelter, I slept. In the early morning after awakening with Buttercup, I slid back into sleep:

My visual field was white. I emerged from the white into the animal shelter. I was in a hall with cages. I comforted “our” cats (which weren’t ours), and generally intended peace to the skittish animals. I was distracted by a blue snake in a small cage with an unsecured lid. I tried to block the exits around the lid with boxes but it got out. I used a snake-handling stick (also from recent TV) to nab it but once I did, I freaked out and let it go. I expected to get bit and of course I was then bit. I ran through the place I came from INTO THE BEDROOM and excitedly tried to get Buttercup’s attention to tell her I was bit. She was zoning out and not responding (she was actually awake at this time, standing by the mirror). I had to ring the phone and when she picked it up I knocked it out of her hand and said into her ear “Buttercup! I just got bit by a poisonous snake!” and she calmly said “No you didn’t. You’ll be fine.” Then I calmed down and woke up.

I’ve sadly forgotten most of it, but Buttercup and I were dreaming something and we started talking in bed but I realized through that dim, hazy consciousness that we weren’t using our mouths, and I think I was looking at her with closed eyes, too. I noticed the sound of her voice was in my head without passing through my ears, but it sounded the same anyway. There was a tuning that affected it. It might start softly and at times it would be loud enough to be distorted, a kind of rumbly distortion. I realized it was telepathy and reached a hand out to touch her mouth and it was closed while she talked. Then she jokingly said “Don’t you know it’s rude to touch a person while they’re sleeping?” Did I reach out physically or astrally? Probably astrally. We were talking about a dream we just had.

Context: I saw a sign for New Kayla Church last night.

Crazy intense dreams after a night of drinking:

I was in a grocery store, knowing myself to be in spirit form. I looked normal and was visible to all. [a long, weird story of people dying from a battery]

As I re-entered the grocery store, Kayla came at me like a streak and clutched me in an amazing big hug. It was great. Then she went back into line with her Emma. As I returned to the death area, I peeked my head in and saw only her Emma. Kayla now seemed to be among the candy in the aisle. My eye was drawn to a bag containing a crushed popcorn ball, which jumped and moved as Kayla spoke. A bit confused, I continued back to the grocery area. Once again she came at me like a light blue streak and embraced me.

I’m hanging out with three guys who I don’t know in waking life but are friends dreamside. I started this music thing — it came almost fully formed into my head with a fantastic beat. I somehow broadcasted the song as a whole outside myself. With my attention I added new lines and rhythms to it. The music was so good I would have bought the album in a minute.

The four of us danced and skipped around this simple house with open windows and doors. It was in a neighborhood similar to ours. We were making a lot of noise, and then I heard a cop car say over their loudspeaker “4-3-2-1 Please cease your activities.” We got a little scared and went to the brown cop car in the driveway next door. In it were 4 guys and one invited us to come play our music at the party tomorrow at 8. He said it was in the yellow house over there, and pointed. I saw (projected?) Banana House past a square yellow house. I said ”Banana House?” He looked kinda confused. I didn’t recall the time or date and asked them as they were leaving. It was hard to pick up but I mostly got it.

My friends and I went back inside. I suggested getting a band together but I ran into many excuses — they were busy writing papers that were due soon and other such reasons.

Context: We'd watched Kundun the night before, a movie about the Dalai Lama.

This was a beautiful, beautiful dream. I was the student of Maharishi. I loved him dearly. We lived in India. He had been my teacher for a long, long time. He spent all his time with me, teaching me. He was 120 years old. I was 100. When I realized this, I worried that I hadn’t finished Foundations, but Maharishi was still going strong at 120. I also met another man of 120.

There was a scene where a helicopter came and lowered a rope which Maharishi climbed without trouble.

There was a caucasian couple of about 24 years old there. They caught my eye but I was too afraid to approach them. Maharishi saw this and next time we walked by them (in some beautiful ruins), he sent an arm of red and yellow kundalini energy to the woman. She became completely happily absorbed in her focus on him. He released the effect and she returned to her conversation with the guy. I used the kundalini power semi-successfully. There were many other lessons and teachings. Oh happy life!

Last night I dreamed I was in a classroom and I went up to teach my ideas about higher planes and life after death and everyone was rapt. I was afraid of being laughed at but instead I was listened to and respected. I taught for half the class time and left, then when I returned, everyone smiled and waved at me! Today I had lots of extra energy.

Wild! Buttercup and I were with some friends in this forest. Buttercup went on a run. I was sitting or lying down somewhere and closed my eyes. After a few moments of darkness, I could see again. The visual field was smaller than usual and kind of jittery around the edges — like the drawing — but as clear as usual.

Still using this new vision, I got up and started following Buttercup through the park. When she turned a corner, however, I found it very hard to follow her. Even though I turned my legs and body in the new direction, I continued moving in the original direction, a strange floating inertia taking me forward. Finally with a force of will I produced the desired change in direction but my journey continued with such inertial problems. She finished her route and I stopped by a tree with a strange marking that looked kind of like a face. I pulled the shirt down from my eyes and ran to Buttercup, who was more like Emma now. I explained the whole thing to her and as I did so produced a book explaining my experiences. The book was big and in full color, with pictures and explanations of what I’d experienced:

Different colored dots can form any sound, sight, or experience. The sound of a snail reveals its full form. By hearing you see what caused the sound.

Then I went to the tree and it had the face I saw on it. I pulled my shirt up over my face again and tried to repeat the experiment but it was just black for a while.

I was doing some experiments with sight in dreams. There was a scene with an ironing board and as I focused on it, it expanded, as if attention magnified it in size. I experimented with different things in the visual field and attention flowed into things and expanded them like liquid reality, in the same way that proximity expands things in the waking world but without the fixedness of form.

I dreamed that it was final exam time in my classes. In one that might have been history, I had a big project planned. I had made baked-clay houses, land, people and horses and painted most of them. I was nervous about being in front of the class and took a Percoset to mellow. I thought back to my last exam and how at the end I’d lost my fear and smiled and really got into it. I wanted to start out like that this time.

I went to the front and the lights dimmed. A spotlight was on me and I set it up and began talking and play-acting the figures. After maybe 10 minutes I fell into this kind of trance and began telling a story with great spirit. Now, in the trance, I was expressive and the story flowed through me. The whole class was gaping, leaning forward, way into it. Soon it was very rowdy. I had them. Everett was in the audience, smiling and laughing like in elementary school. Everyone was drinking beer now, shouting out “yeah!” and having a good time. It seemed to last over an hour. Then the teacher turned on the light and class was over. He told me how horrible it was and that I had failed. I felt sad and said “But do you see the victory here? I’ve overcome my fear of speaking. I made them love my story.” It was no use. I either failed or got a D.

The final in my next class was outside and I had brought my computer as a tool but began talking and never used it. My teacher was so loving the presentation, so emotionally moved. I saw his reaction and broke down crying, relieved after the frustration from my previous final. They all loved me. I certainly got an A and felt like I had found my place.

Buttercup, Nika, Stan, and I were walking up to a car. I noticed I wasn’t wearing any pants, but I was too embarrassed to say anything. We all got in, and I was in the back on the right. Now that we were in the car, I admitted that I had no pants on. Everyone laughed. “Oh, that Sam.” They made plans to swing by our place so I could get pants. But when I looked down again, I was wearing pants. I said “Hey! Look! I’m wearing pants now! It’s because this is a dream!” Everyone turned around and gaped. One of them said, astonished, “It has to be!”

In another scene, Buttercup and I were in a car with Rose, Pops, Wilson, Elizabeth, and Fiona. We were in a neighborhood right outside a college campus. Wilson & Elizabeth got out and then a few blocks later, Buttercup got out. I almost went with her but something stopped me and told me to go with her parents. As we departed in the car, Buttercup was standing in the street, waving and beaming love at me and blowing kisses. I felt elated by her love but then noticed that there was a hispanic fellow clinging onto the back corner of the car who was waving back at her, thinking Buttercup was throwing all this love at him. He drops off the car, runs over to her, and puts his arm around her. He starts talking to her. I think “Uh-oh, this is trouble. Since this is a dream, I should be able to lift out of here.” My body is heavy at first but I turn and look and my interest propels me into the air. I’m more curious than anything to see what such a misunderstanding will develop into. I’m now watching at about rooftop level. The guy seems to be totally in control. Buttercup’s just following his lead. A few hispanic friends join up and they set up a picture with this big fancy camera-contraption across the street. I keep wondering if they’ll see me but they don’t. They go up the walkway and into a house.

I wait a few moments and then follow. I kick the door in and there they all are in bed, lying disheveled under the blankets, dressed and half asleep. Buttercup is half off the bed. I grab her hand angrily and pull her out of there. We storm down the block. I say “So it’s okay when one of us is away to sleep with whomever we please? Is that how it is?” and Buttercup said “It’s very important to have physical contact.” I said “So you just crawl into bed with these guys?” We argued and then paused. When we started arguing again, she ran off and I followed her. We ended up in a small empty warehouse. I asked if she had sex with them (which was impossible since I followed them right in, and also something I hadn’t been concerned about earlier). Betrayed by her memory, she said “yes”. There was a blue picture book on the ground beside me now and I picked it up. “I just want to know,” I said. I opened the book and saw some of the strangest sexual art. I very nearly was so absorbed by the quality of line and incredible black and white images that I dropped all my anger. I looked up at Buttercup’s guilty face and started crying deep sobs. She started crying, too, and came over and hugged me. We held each other for a time. Our emotions released, we walked together as friends towards campus.

Buttercup picked up the campus paper and held it up in front of my face. “Mushrooms!” seemed to be the title and the headlines were about some old mean lady trying to regain control of campus, with a picture of a stern old matriarch on the steps of a building. Buttercup grabbed my hand and dragged me into a classroom. I hesitated, saying “what are we doing?” She smiled and we took our seats in a class we didn’t belong in. I was a little nervous. Buttercup was thrilled. There was a device on each person’s desk, like a sleek white speaker with a few attachments. That was our computer. There was about to be a presentation but this lady was taking tickets and we didn’t have any, so we had to leave. Or maybe it was just I that had to leave? Because in the next scene. . . . Buttercup was at class and I went to this concert. There were some bands playing and I got a seat near the middle in front. The Monkees came out dressed in white, did this short dance and even shorter song, then left. Then this guy came out and threw wigs into the audience. I got a yellow one. Then he threw lots of other things, including a lot of Monkees fantasy cards. I grabbed some to give to Buttercup later. I got up to do something, and since I didn’t want to fight my way back to my seat, I left.

I was walking along a road. I saw this girl get hit by a car. She seemed to maybe see it coming but only partly hesitated, then kept walking. She tumbled over and over. I ran to call an ambulance but stopped and turned and went back to make sure she needed it. The truck drivers were helping her but when she saw me she really took to me. “You were gonna ignore me but you came back,” she said. “No, I went to call an ambulance, but came back to see if you were okay first.”

She took my hand and we walked along and went to a soda shop place. She hungrily took this brownie out of this container of oil. Ew! She smiled at me with bright eyes and I seemed to know her name was Brooke. I imagined what it’d be like if we were friends for a while. Would Buttercup allow it? Brooke and I walked back to my apartment. We stopped right outside the door. Buttercup was still at class. I told Brooke about Buttercup and she said, “so if I asked you to come back to my room . . . ” and this image of sex flashed in my mind. I leaned back and looked at her, then leaned in for a kiss, but then leaned away, saying “nooo, I couldn’t”.

Then I turned around and Buttercup was coming home, looking me angrily. I followed her inside and she was really mad, thinking something was up. I explained to her what was going on. We were sitting on this big fluffy bed in a dorm-sized room. I said “Anyways, this is only a dream,” and she seemed to understand. I got out the dresses and the cards from the Monkees show and gave them to her. She loved them and said I picked out great dresses.

From time to time I’d experiment with the lucidity — feelings of lightness and rushes of energy, occasional floating and flying.

Three of us are in a smallish bedroom. There was some mystery we were trying to figure out. We’re taking turns letting an inner child manifest in us, but not in so many words. For example, with me, a surprised little boy appeared and said “How many of us are there?!” I say “We just go on and on.” The little girl before him turned into a pattern on the wall when she was done.

In a nifty dreaming mind occurrence, I awoke slightly in the middle of the night and turned toward Buttercup, expecting to see her face. I did and found it had these tribal patterns on it. It was so strange that it startled me slightly. A few moments later I realized I was staring not at her face but at the patterned blanket over her head. My expectation of seeing her face and the visual input of the pattern on the blanket had merged into one. The tribal feel came from where it was difficult to translate a correct feature out of that segment of the pattern. This shows the dreaming mind’s dedication to experiencing what it expects to experience.

I was dreaming that two lizards were coming down the wall. I must have opened my eyes at this point, and saw another one coming down the wall in the dark — a black one with a bright orange head. I began to panic, then awoke, and found myself staring at the red digital clock across the room. What a total transformation! The interpretation field accepts sensory impressions as a basis for what it creates, stretching it as much as necessary to fit the context.

I dream that wormholes have oppositely charged caps, lids that flip open and closed.

I dream of a greenish pool of pure water off to the side of a supermarket. It’s some quintessential gateway. The pool is surrounded by black rocks with a cliff on one side, and has pure soft sand beneath the surface of the water. Buttercup and I looked up and this tone came that shifted the sand into little hills and patterns, rising up out of the green water. We played on them. At times I wrapped myself in the sand as if it were elastic rubber sheets. The feeling was grand. At times we could look back at the supermarket and shied away when people got close, but mostly we didn’t look back.

After a time, I saw up on the shore a confusing sight that resolved into a horse giving birth out of its eye, with all the gory reality that would entail. As the foal came out, the horse’s eye came off as if it was a half ping-pong ball. Everyone was too grossed out to put it back on, but I grabbed the slippery, wet eye and approached the horse. The masters I communicated with told me to approach the horse and focus and they would essentially send a beam of energy into the horse and it would calm itself and open its eyelid for me. It did, but I couldn’t reach.

Earlier I dreamed I was sick and forced myself to throw up. What came out was two sock puppets and about $58 — that’s what had been making me sick.

Context: Friends is a TV show.

I knew this wasn’t a dream all night.

It was night. There was a group of us in the front room of a house. Ranier and River came to the door and knocked but I didn’t answer. Then I got up (it was still dark), and did my morning routine. After that, I saw them waiting outside in their car. They knocked again and came in. It was like a slumber party, except everyone started out sleeping and slowly woke up.

I was having a love affair with Rachel from Friends, who I knew was Buttercup. I was pleased that there weren’t actually any relationship problems like on the show. It was altruistic, true, cuddly, and warm.

At first there was fear in the room. Only Buttercup and I had awakened. Someone gave a warning but I knew it was just fear. I must have been talking about thought forms, because some of the nonlucid sleepers had expressed doubts about the reality of them. Since I KNEW they were real, I decided to play around with them and practice making some thought forms. It was still dark and I looked out a window. I pointed and said to Buttercup, “Look at that. . . . MAN!” Surely enough a bearded spooky face appeared out of the shadows in the window, from a black silhouette to a full face, giving the appearance of approaching. Buttercup got scared and fell to the floor in a fetal position. She seemed to be locked in her own world, shaking, and these grapefruit-sized semi-transparent black orbs were skittering all over her body. I told her to stop creating thought forms like that, that they weren’t real.

Throughout the night people went in and out of activity, reflecting their sleep cycles — napping here, more awake there, forming different subgroups to hang out in the slumber-party atmosphere of the house. Throughout the night we traveled to different dimensions, experiencing our own adventures. Some of us were more limited in what they thought they could do and others not. We often met back up around a dinner table or on the blankets and pillows on the floor. It was lit up later by a general light coming from wherever we were physically sleeping. I was fully connected with my dream self (like every night) and REMEMBERED IT.

I didn’t know everyone there. There was one guy with thin, brushed-back hair who was all kissy and mouthy and grabby at me. Annoyed, I just kept pushing him away.

There was an experience I called “receiving a fax” where my perception blurred with sudden streaks of lights and colors, as if I was looking through a waterfall. It was usually a sign that someone was in great emotion, calling to me. When this happened, I had to leap into it before the edge. If I did so, I’d see Sam Kenobi in a little room telling me the message. The second time it happened I caught myself thinking it was from “Rachel”, but then saw that I had placed that hope over the actual message, which was that I was supposed to be at a job interview in the waking world. This wasn’t actually true — it came from someone else at the table.

When someone was scared of something, there were no attempts to hide emotion — they immediately tried to gain control of the situation by yelling or whatever. Near the end, a girl at a table next to us freaked out when some of us were playing around by throwing water at each other. I looked at her and threw water at someone again, not afraid. She stood and yelled again that she’d beat us all up. Then I awoke from the alarm.

Later, awake: Wow!! Buttercup dreamed of scary men out on the porch! After she fell into the fetal position with the black orbs all over her in my dream, she dreamed she was unable to move with cockroaches running all over her body. She dreamed all night of the men on the porch trying to break in and get her. That’s the last I saw of her all night, too! I feel bad for scaring her — I inadvertently caused her a scary night of dreams. But WOW — an independently verified shared dream caused by lucid thought-form creation!

I dreamed Buttercup and I were on a cross country trip to San Francisco. We stopped at a gas station and I was distracted for a time inside. When I came back out, the Neon (our car) was all covered with a thick coat of transparent ice (hint hint: thought form)! Trying to crack it off, this girl broke the windows and the plot was altered to trying to get replacements. Oddly, when I went back to the car after making some phone calls or talking to people, the car had turned into a van with a funky one-piece front window.

I’m walking in “my neighborhood” and see a strange creature. It’s 8 feet tall, covered with black fur, and roughly human in shape. It has a small creature, possibly a baby, in its arms. I go up to it and cling to its leg. I want to know it. Its eyes are like ours, but the center lacks a pupil and is instead shaded from the top. I find her beautiful and open. Her name is Uma B-something, like Boga. I try to be her friend. She can roll her eyes back in her head and human ones appear. Before long she has clothes and her hair is less long and more like human hair. I am so fascinated. I invite her to hang out at my house. She won’t, so I walk with her. We go to a mall. She has a book of drawings. They’re really impressive — incredible depth, accuracy, and an odd style. More and more she uses her human eyes. There is a love growing between us — a free, warm flow. How could this be? I’ve just met her.

Was it earlier? We were walking through a hospital and they tried to drug her and make her more human. I fought it but she didn’t, so I stopped. It was near lunch at the mall. I told her I had to meet my girlfriend Buttercup for lunch. She was terrified. Somehow this meant betrayal to her.

As we left the mall, it was night and there were police officers scattered all throughout the parking lots shooting at animals. Our vehicle passed in front of a cop with a machine gun and it frightened me. We entered the highway and I retreated high out of my body into the air. The highway and the space around it rippled and shifted. I asked her to take the wheel. Was it Buttercup at this point? I awake.

Oh, hilarity! Buttercup woke me up because I was snort-laughing like mad.

I was a character in a fantastic farce of a tale. The rules were crazy, the actors fluid with them. There was a council meeting at this particular part. We decided to spray ourselves with this big bottle of water as we spoke to avoid temptation. This gray water bottle (probably a fading thought form) was going to be a woman’s headband. There were people who were “traps” of various sorts, who sometimes decided to misfire and not go off. Earlier I was a dead fish — with the features all on one side. So silly. Everybody was being so clever. I’ve been laughing a lot in dreams recently.

We were all on a huge ocean liner passing inches from an island. Someone turned the gravity off on the ship and we floated out. We represented some kind of fluoride toothpaste. We tried to turn the gravity back on when the floating beans were right over Anthony Kiedis’ head (he was in a documentary we’d just seen).

We had been on the island recently.. Chandler was on some quest about girls or onion rings that was going to bring him to the rim of the volcano (and the rest of us had a reason for going up there, too). Madness! I loved it!

References: Anthony Kiedis is the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Chandler is a character on Friends.

I had developed the ability to use telekinesis and was using it everywhere. It started at Blaine House before school. I sent out the line of force to an object, then used its own energy to lift it in the air. Ruby saw it. My life had changed. It was so exciting, I couldn’t stop doing it!

Several times during the early morning I opened my physical eyes while dreaming and the surroundings were right out of the dream, mapped over the physical bedroom. For example, this man was standing there. Looks like a dresser and a lamp, no? Well it was very clearly a man with a rice-picking hat, and next to it, on another occasion, the closet door was an arm raised up high. That became the most likely interpretation of that sense data and gradually it faded to the reality of being parts of our bedroom. How far can the context of a situation stretch its appearance? There’s probablyno limit.

I was dreaming of the cliffside and starfield when suddenly my dream was interrupted by a map of Turkey appearing across my whole field of vision, along with a message that went something like “. . . this is what went on before. . . . ” Then I awoke to a distant rumble that approached rapidly and shook the hotel back and forth a few times, rattling windows and glasses, before passing. An earthquake.

We were in Japan when this happened. Just a few days before an earthquake in Turkey had killed 16,000 people.

Buttercup bought a house in Atlanta and we had to burn down the one next door because it carried some disease. Buttercup and Ruby and Emma and I all got hoses and surrounded the house. We kept lighting it on fire but the flames would go out when we looked away or stopped paying attention. A phenomenal effort got the front of the house burning but before too long, of course, it went out. The effect of the fire was that the front had tilted inwards, shrunken, and become “sweaty,” much like if you were heat-melting plastic or cheese. The wood, windows, stone, siding, etc, were all being treated as equal substances. Thus, a thought form.

I was between the houses protecting ours from spreading fire. I needn’t have worried. As I learned in the lava dream “The Backyard Lava Pit”, housing blocks are inviolate from each other. So then some distraction occurred and we came back to the next-door house (which we’d been trying to burn) to find it in charred ruins. It finally responded to our expectations when our attention wasn’t holding it in form through our physical “continuity of form” expectation. We then went in and kicked the boards down and so on.

Very Interesting!

This is a waking experience:

We spent three nights in a house in Volcano, Hawaii, which had a palpable evil influence. Buttercup and I both had trouble sleeping. As we fell asleep, nightmarish visions relentlessly filled our heads. I tried picturing a soft cute weasel but the influence ran over it with a truck, transformed it into a cobra, and caused it to leak out its guts. Eventually I used the power of suggestion to overcome it and fall sleep. I focused on feeling thankful for the nastiness stopping and for being able to finally sleep well. It worked.

In the morning, we discovered that Bev had nightmares about ghosts. She also had one in which a big goblin thing kicked the front door in and held her down. A bunch of fat, crazy-looking fairy things entered right behind it and went into each one of our rooms to cause trouble.

Wow! A beautiful true dream! I am flying high over the ocean, near the clouds with my teacher: a tall, lanky black man with an African look. We are traveling to East Timor, an island called something like “Concentric Isle” but also like “geometric” and “symmetric”. It’s a long thin oval of forests, mountains, and beach of fantastic beauty. I wonder what East Timor actually is and a map flashes up in my head, showing that it’s an island and a portion of the mainland.

We arrive at my teacher’s house by the sea. It’s warm and incredibly beautiful. Inside in an anteroom there is a pool of water. He walks across the surface of it and tells me that I can, too. I do so without thinking. Then I try again but the more I think the deeper I sink. I get frustrated with myself. Then we decide to explore. I know we will spend the night outside the house somewhere. He says not to bring shoes or anything else. “Fine, that’ll be fun”, I think. Then I think — “Oh, I’ll need my contact lens stuff.” He tells me I don’t need it but get it if I must. I get/conjure it from my backpack. Leaving, he steps on a nail and it sinks into his heel all the way. At the same moment I step on a burr and get stung by a bug in my heel. He asks me to help get the nail out but he easily and painlessly pulls it out, as I do with my burr.

The next thing I remember I am with this woman driving from a man’s house where she lives or visits. We come to the end of the drive and slow down way too fast for a car. The car sideswipes the wall and crashes horribly. Of course, we’re just fine, since we were speed-traveling and had simply slowed down. The car is elsewhere, fading from memory and relevance, and we go inside.

It’s Saturday night, after going out drinking:

I dreamed that we moved to Oberlin. We were on the second floor, as is actually the case. It was night and people were going by outside our window looking for parties. Buttercup’s sister came by and crawled up the wall to the second story window, then talked and left. Then a crazy lady on her way somewhere came by and we told her to leave. Then this mussed-hair bleached-blonde fellah came in for a while, then left, walking about a story off the ground. Then all these people started arriving. They came in through our open front door, a balcony which appeared outside the window, and another open door leading to the hallway. Soon it was packed, like an Oberlin party. Everyone was college-aged and out for fun, telling jokes and playing tricks. Many were drunk, carrying 40s. I was drunk, too. I kept mis-recognizing people, then catching my error before going up to talk to them. Truth is, I didn’t recognize any of them. I worried about my things. I once walked past this couple and heard the guy say “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize your stuff” and the girl took it sexually and started snickering for a while as I went about.

After a while people began to leave, but then a few more would come through. Half-awakening, I felt strongly as if this were a true dream, that I wanted them all to leave, that this was an astral continuation of Saturday night partiers, now drunk and asleep in the early AM.

A car drove by in the physical world and it sounded as if filtered through an effect that made it sound like “zhaowm”, pulsing in and out in a definite manner around 2 pulses per second. The sound was as if slightly muffled, as if from behind a barrier or a veil. Wondering, “Is that really a car?” I awoke more and sat up. Buttercup went to the kitchen for water and the light in the door crack thinned and widened to the same rhythm, as if my entire consciousness were wavering back and forth at the same speed as the sound flux. Before long it settled.

Upon waking, the “Oberlin house” felt much like it was this one.

Earlier in the night I shifted and my hand brushed Buttercup’s face and I apologized to AMY in my dream.

I’ve been paying attention while falling asleep and “under the veil” to the sound of passing cars. They sound muffled, distorted, and their passing seems to last longer. They last longer because I’m listening with more attention and thus time is more extended in that state.

The dream was a celebration and gathering of our friends, hosted by Brendan and Melody at their place. It was fancy but reminiscent of dorm rooms. It appeared to be a collection of memories from all the inhabitants, seemingly built anew each night. We had lots of adventures and hanging out and interacting. At one point I could see my old room from Banana House, but it was actually a small narrow house across from and below us.

Then later on the scene became a railroad and we had to listen for trains coming from different directions (created in part by fears and expectations). The moment a panic took someone in the group, it spreads like wildfire to all of us and the danger seemed to increase greatly even though the trains didn’t appear more often.

Our sights were set on a goal — a government building with a vicious dog that could easily be calmed down by any act of will against it. I stopped it with some forks, and another kid stopped it with a spray can.

(not sure where this next part was in the continuity of Brendan & Melody’s gathering)

So then, alone and outside the front door, I had another revelation: “Of course! This is a dream!” I ran all over, leaping with energy and excitement. I told everyone, not getting much understanding. I popped into a darkened room with some people and announced it to the people within but they didn’t hear.

One guy had a trick he was showing off — he made different coats flip up out of his pants when he tugged on his present coat with his elbows. His belief in his abilities made them work. I inspected the process. The jackets began as little grayish balls in the back of his pants by his belt, and expanded into fully formed jackets that flipped up onto his back and across his arms in a fully realistic-looking display of what by physical standards was an impossible act. I thought I could out-do him and, standing there in my underwear, I said “But can you just make something . . . from nothing?” and I hid my lower half outside the door frame and concentrated on making pants. I could feel the thought form whip up around my legs, enclosing them, but my surprise at the feeling of it broke my concentration and I looked down to see them receding. I tried again and didn’t bother to check this time and soon was pantsed. It’s the power of belief, pure and true, the kind passed down through the ages.

Then I went with Brendan to our beds — awkwardly placed near the ceiling in the front hall. He said something about being happy and I said “Doesn’t it bother you to be constantly monitored by the government?” This was something I knew much more about in the dream than in waking life. I leaned back and a sign went on in my head. It was in funky Japanimation-style text with yellow highlights, saying “Are you ready to end this life?” At first I was shocked, afraid, fear of death coming to mind, then a wisdom came over me. “There is no death,” I thought, and relaxed. “What can it hurt?” My curiosity took over and I said yes without words. The sign faded and I woke up, fully awake at what must have been 5:30 AM.

I was in a sandy square in a small Western town. I held my severed left thumb in my hand — or more likely, something in my hand had melted into a small thumb-sized object that I took to be my severed thumb. It appeared to be severed at the top knuckle. There was no blood, just the end of a thumb, severed like cut clay, and of course there was no pain. So I’m curious, and then I think, “How does not having a thumb affect my life?” I ponder the implications. “I can still write, as my right-hand thumb is fine. . . . Oh no! I can’t play piano!” Then I panic. I shout and run about calling for doctors and asking people to call a doctor or hospital. Soon I’ve gathered a crowd, including one doctor. As my friends looked at my “severed thumb,” the cut part now began to sport a thick bloody gash, looking more real.

About here I had a revelation. I popped the thumb-end back on my thumb-nub and it attached. I was kind of alone at this point, off to the side of the others. The blood was gone again but the thumb end fell off when I bent it. The doctor saw it after I stuck it on and the moment he did, reddish pinkish “blood” that was thick like jelly appeared around the severed area. Did his expectations directly affect my thought form? So he wanted to sew it up and I ran away saying “Ha! You want to stick your needles in me and sew it up? I don’t think so!”

Then a police officer who had also been attracted to the scene walked up beside me, intrigued, and for some reason he looked at my thumb and the blood was blue! So he called me an alien. Laughing, I stopped and looked into a building. The inside was dark, and filled with horribly funny-looking aliens (like from Mars Attacks but more bloated) and machines from the 50s. I winked and nodded toward the room, hoping the officer would see and freak out. That distraction allowed my thumb to naturally return to normal. Noticing this, I circled back to the doctor and held up my flawless healed thumb before him, smiled smugly, and galloped off.

While sleeping in, I’m dreaming of living high on a cloud-level cliff side over Washington DC and it gets hit by a nuclear bomb. The whole dream is centered on the aftermath — charred remains of the city, telling people about it, etc.

I wake up and find Buttercup scanning pictures of the atomic bomb dome from Hiroshima, and she says she had been for about half an hour, the approximate length of my dream. I picked up her thoughts!

I dreamed of driving on highways up in the sky. The highway had many lanes, and we seemed surrounded by an ocean of dark rainclouds. Exits dropped steeply down into the darkness below. One of these deposited me, now car-free, into a dark space. I sunk through the floor which was the roof of a bright room that connected to previous dream scenery.

I’m sitting in a most beautiful garden. It’s well-pruned with pathways, flowers, and square-cut bushes forming walls. My friends were with me (including Phoebe from Friends). I looked up at the sky and saw what looked like the remains of fireworks but they weren’t moving and weren’t fading. They were a light orange color and seemed to emanate a dim orange light that was hard to make out against the bright blue sky. Fascinated, I went to one of them and found a narrow orange tree trunk, less alive than it could be, and the firework trails were branches that ended in orange leaves, like aspen. I also saw at the base of each tree a vine sprouting in vibrant green and climbing the tree, splitting as the branches did and ending with a curl in each single leaf. It meant new life and I was totally charmed with it. I think I was seeing neurons and some energy of life within!

References: Friends is a TV show.

I’m in a math class and the teacher is talking about fractals. He has a laser pointer and is shining it at the back wall. As he moves it to the right or left, it grows into a larger and larger fractal pattern, but the center of the pattern is also shifting out of sight, out of what the laser is lighting up. The result of this is that you can either see the center (but it’s very small), OR you can see details (but not the center). There is also an up/down adjustment for color (this I’m less sure of). I had the impression that THIS IS HOW VISION WORKS. It gets bigger, duller, and less clear towards the periphery and more bright and detailed at the center. (coming to me now: this is how it must work or else every neuron in the brain would see the same thing, like a bug’s compound eye. Or not. Holographically, each must have it all. . . . Hmm. . . .)

I was Lance, hanging out with Ruby. I was being sweet, and figured Lance then must have been behind us. Then the flow of the dream was interrupted. “Sam, wake up!”

When I return to the dream, I’m the girl, hanging out with Ragnarok from Gabe’s band. We’re making videos centered on one small scene with angry music and multiple cut shots. Then we go to an empty small house and he wants me to make this puddle wetter. The floor is a mixture of carpet and earth. I scoop water from other puddles into the one in the main room. Ragnarok tells me to sit by it, roll in it, get sexy with it. He begins to film. “Sam, wake up!”

This time when I return to the dream he’s Trent Reznor and I’m a girl with a giant turtle. There’s infinite complexity that I’m missing. In the main room is a big orgy to 70s music. The blonde cat-like elf woman from Stardust is there. She goes to Trent and he drowns her in the bathroom.

Then I’m outside the building by some housing near a city river bank talking to this girl who said her Emma knew about that happening, that she knows everything. Perhaps she was the original storyteller? Because my curiosity brought me back into the scene as I said “Then what?”

This time I’m Trent. The dead woman is on the ground and opens her eyes and looks at him. She asks why he did it. He grabs a knife from the table and slits her throat. As he began to do this, I promptly jumped out of him and watched from a more distant angle. “Benji, wake up!” I awaken.

References: Lance is in a band. Ragnarok and Gabe are in a band. Trent Reznor is the lead singer in the band Nine Inch Nails.

I was searching for a mask in this open, friendly-feeling warehouse. I showed Buttercup one that was gross and funny and she didn’t like it. I couldn’t find it later and she says she hid it under some clothes in a box. Then I was looking at a whole row of science helmets on stands, and they had blinking red lights. Then the blinking stopped and and I wanted them to blink again but they wouldn’t.

Buttercup also dreamed of masks.

The Super Nova Dreamer showed up as the red light from LASIK laser eye surgery which prompted a whole dream on the subject. No surprise, as I’m going in for a LASIK follow-up today.

I often awake to the Super Nova Dreamer, which appears as incredible shifting kaleidoscope patterns of red and white and yellow as I shift from sleeping to waking.

Twice earlier in the night I nearly awoke to the Nova Dreamer lights. The first time they appeared pink with light gray lines, like the light had cling-wrap on it. The second time they appeared as a red-orange kaleidoscope of shapes.

I dreamed I was in my college dorm (somewhat related to Oberlin) and was looking for my room. I found Ranier and introduced him to a girl from Solstice BBS. She looked like Jubilee from Generation X. He thought she was cute. In Ranier’s room I was told it was something like December 6, 2001 (two years later). I found that the last thing I could remember was the last few days of November, 1999, (the actual date). I felt I must be losing my mind, having a psychotic break. Then things went dark and I saw red flashing lights in my head. I thought “There are those lights! I must have been abducted by aliens for the last two years!” I was really scared.

References: Solstice was the name of a BBS (bulletin board system) I once had. The Nova Dreamer is a lucid dreaming tool that flashes red lights during REM sleep. Generation X is a superhero comic book.

It’s very hilly, and there is a modern city. Buttercup and I work in the same office. I’m VP and a worker but I prefer the VP position, manipulating things so I don’t have to work. Buttercup and I are in love; we love each others’ company. The job might be some sort of telecom.

So I’m driving home with Buttercup and it’s evening. The roads are all very steep, as much up and down as right and left. I’m driving crazy, very uncontrolled, almost getting in accidents, then looking for turn-offs to hide in if we are pursued. At one point I take as a point of reference a small egg-shaped car and zip through a bunch of red lights faster than a car should be able to go. Then, terrified, I ask Buttercup “What’s wrong with me? Am I on drugs?” She says “Yes”. I seem to think back and remember that I was taking some sort of stimulant I had thought wasn’t a big deal.

Before long we were home. It had a back yard like Blaine House. The house was very ritzy and plush, mostly with gray-blues and blacks. Some parts of the inside were infinite, so you could sink into it and have visions, watch TV, or play video games. It’s very hard to describe. Space was very plastic. 3 feet could easily become 3 miles, and a room could expand to the size of a football field yet still remain within the house and retain its position relative to everything else.

A girl in overalls lived with us, and Wolfgang did, too. Wolfgang was behind a long counter and complimented me on some poem I had written. I talked a little about it and then the girl said that she thought that creating things like that was the most important thing in life. I agreed. I wanted to impress her even though she wasn’t that attractive and went on about it. Behind the counter where Wolfgang was it was more cluttered, run down, and had a country feel. The girl was like a country flower.

The activities could be so bizarre. At times the work seemed to be tunneling into new space in an expanded room — developing it!

References: Wolfgang was a strange dude who lived in Oberlin.

I was in a strange dark world. It was like The Tower in its starkness and tallness and angularity. There were guards all over with visors and there were glowing green bean-shaped things that caused you to bounce really high if you jump on them. [there’s a scene like a video game of trying to jump up platforms using the beans]

I helped my friends up, then I proceeded down the narrow square passage on my hands and knees. There were several exits. Around a corner the light was different and brighter, like midday under a cloudy sky, and the carpet was green instead of brown. I was now excitedly galloping on all fours. I turned another left into this dilapidated room in the attic of a small house in a small town. I took it to be my college dorm room. (Did you notice the hyperspace tunnel? Wow!) A whole bunch of friends arrived bit by bit. All I remember of the conversation was how most were telling me how sucky my place was.

Then there was a bit about a brown pit bull that no one loved that needed a home. Somehow I associated it with my childhood dog Velvet. I went to play with it and it was so happy that I decided to take care of it. Continuity break. . . . I was now on the road in front of Blaine House with a horse. The dorm had become a home, and the dog had become a horse. So I got on the horse and tried to ride it down the street, but was having trouble controlling it. Soon I got the hang of it and we rode down to Radisson Road. Traffic was crazy. We bolted across and were nearly hit.

On the far side, things were different (a crossing). A couple wanted me to play a game with their son down the hill by the little stream. “We” went down there (myself and nobody), but found a large tripod blocking the way and so we walked on. Eventually “we” became Buttercup and I and the area north of Radisson became a huge park with rolling hills and trees and the smell of tar. People were tarring new paths all over, stinking up the place. The name of their company was “Flick.” Buttercup and I had two hoses, one spraying a strong solid stream and one merely dribbling (chakra/energy flow manifestation). We found the site of current tarring and sprayed our hoses at it.

This woman (who was part of the project but also spraying a hose) got mad and stormed over. Buttercup started telling her how they were ruining the environment. Buttercup started crying. The woman put on a fake smile and said even meaner stuff. The woman walked away and I, furious, followed her. In front of a cameraman, I said “You talk with smiles and pretend kindness but underneath you are saying FUCK YOU.” These last I said in a guttural tone. “You should work for the government, able to smile while saying horrible lies. . . . ” I went on and on and the woman fled, crying. I then awoke.

Also notice the extreme emotions typical of the astral.

References: In physical life, the area north of Radisson was more neighborhoods.

Buttercup and I were in Blaine House, at night with low lighting. Wadsworth was there, with three boxes: one for me, Ruby, and Emma. He was holding them over our heads, trying to tantalize us with this tiny diamond which I didn’t care about. I remember rolling it between my fingers and thought it was hardly bigger than a grain of sand. I could feel all the sides. He was trying to manipulate some promises out of us before he’d let us see the boxes but when he wasn’t looking I grabbed Ruby’s and ran to the pool room. My thinking was that if the boxes had some specific horror for each of us, opening Ruby’s wouldn’t be that traumatizing.

I opened the box. Inside was a glowing green bean and two plastic canisters. There was a current coming from the canisters and I started hooking up these little models of water park rides to hoses that connected to them. I hooked up a whole bunch at once and they all began to slowly inflate. I was inflating a water park right there in Blaine House! They were spreading out across the kitchen, pool room, and dining room. At a certain point, I noticed the current was having trouble inflating so many water park rides at once, so I decided to focus on one. I unplugged the others and remaining one started growing really big. It grew into a huge courtyard with a castle, axe-throwing knights, children with LOTS of colored balloons (little thought-form bubbles), huge water park rides, games, and lots of people.

The hoses I’ve seen connected to thought form buildings — they conduct a current of energy/attention to the thought form to maintain its form or increase its size!

There was one point where I was pursued by a head-lopping knight and another scene where the children escaped from the courtyard with a ton of balloons and went down this hill into a larger courtyard. It became almost like a layer cake with the castle at the top, having larger and larger courtyards below it. It was on a hill (a bulge of astral attention).

Buttercup and I were walking along this street with no curb, only a steep gully on both sides. We both thought it seemed dangerous. I was leading and every time a car came we had to step off the road into the gully and then watch it pass before continuing. There was a brick building to the side. I had an odd feeling this was the hill by the gas meters at Blaine House. We then had to climb over this large rock and dirt boulder but people had made a path over it so it was easy. On the other side was a very large college courtyard with green grass, scattered trees, and students all over. The wall might have been the tall white trapezoid by the garage at Blaine House! Anyways, there’s a continuity break. . . . Then I’m in art class, superimposed over the basement of Blaine House. It has the concrete floor, but it’s much neater. This is day 5 of art class, the last day. Day 1 was the first teacher. Day 2, 3, and 4 was a second teacher, and today was the third and final teacher. Every day I had run out of the class thanks to some insult or rude comment from the teacher One day I fled to my room in a fancy posh hotel. These five classes took place on five consecutive nights of dreaming!

Today Buttercup was my partner. I also had a male friend who was part of why I signed up for the class. We were playing with play dough colors. Buttercup mixed blue and yellow for green, and then added yellow and white and were mixing the two into a very cool interplay of yellow and green with an effulgence of even whiteness that was far more like mixing light than play dough.

I wanted to make green, too, so I was watching and waiting for her to be done. The teacher said “Why don’t you mix the remaining two colors, red and blue?” and I said “I wanted to do my own.” The teacher sneers “Come on, this isn’t THIRD GRADE,” and my friend looks at me like “oh, no” and I storm out and up the stairs and go to my room, but then decide instead to hide out in the bathroom where they’re less likely to find me. I notice Ruby is in her room with the light on and the door closed. I consider telling her to let me know if anyone comes looking for me but decide not to.

So it’s night now and I’m sitting in the upstairs bathroom. I get this creepy thought about three bad things coming to visit and I think that someone’s going to dangle something outside the window. I don’t want to turn and look, but I do. Something materializes as if fading in from behind thick darkness. I’m a little spooked but know someone’s playing a game and go to pound the window to scare them back but there’s no glass and my arms flail outside the window. I back up, then look around the corner and see a vague white figure on the deck with a fishing pole moving this stuffed white hippopotamus. These are all thought forms I made of course. I grab a plunger and swing it at the dangling hippo. I smack it and make this groan of disgust. Buttercup hears this and awakens me!

I’m outside on the lawn of what I’m now calling “Purdue University” (from a dream conversation I had with River). I’m hanging out with all these hippies, punks, and generally very unique and interesting people. I was staring at this guy who looked like Rand, and who had my electric blue guitar. I introduced myself and he said his name was Pirate Something Jack.

Later this girl and I are sitting on the ground and I’m leaning back against her legs. Her mother runs up all happy. She wants me to like her daughter. It was sunny daylight, and then the color of the sky got darker and someone shouted “eclipse!” Everyone got up and got into a position to see it. I ran around the building. Gravity diminished as a moon flew across the sky, barely crossing the sun’s path. Everything turned a dark orange color and then there were bees everywhere. Buzzing! I knew that they liked the color red. I got stung on the hand and was bleeding. I ran into the school and went underground through all these elevators, futuristic rooms, and huge elegant chambers. I was trying to find a way back to the surface while avoiding the bees!

The eclipse caused body/OB sensations. Odd!

This dream could have been the inspiration for Dr. Who.

I’m in the “elevator”. “Phone booth” would also describe it well, as that was about the size of it. It was made of unfinished wood, and had an apparatus like a toilet but smaller and flatter. It let light in from a slot near the top of the door. I had with me during all the following travels a small, friendly, invisible companion who was like a dwarf or cat in size. We were very close.

One of the earlier stops was arriving (via the “elevator”) in New York at night to visit Brendan and Melody and the rest again. I remember commenting, “Wow, here we are.. again!”

Later there was this scene: I was a computer programmer in this strange world. I went to Subway to work on a job for them. I needed the manager for something but couldn’t get ahold of him, so I left a phone message. Then I came back in 3 days and the manager (an old friend) wondered why the job wasn’t done. I explained. Then I’m in the elevator.

So before the elevator had just moved smoothly. This time it was dropping rapidly. Then there was a slight shudder, then nothing but slow rotation as though it had dropped completely out of the shaft and was free-falling. I was on alert. I stared into invisible cat eyes now, as on-alert as I was (I suspected later on that my dwarfish friend was responsible for the wild ride).

The elevator stopped and the quality of light was different — it was daytime with odd tints and overtones of feeling. I opened the door to a blue sky with puffy clouds in a Renaissance town of fantastic wealth and variety. Things were very different than any history of ours. Information came naturally to me, and I knew that there were very powerful groups of people. One group stuck to lavish costumes of all black. There was quite an energy in the air and a lot of people. We climbed a hill to what looked like a resting area with picnic tables all about us. My invisible guide was with me the whole time. I was going to ask this woman a question. I thought she had a lot to tell me but she would likely first ask what faction I was part of . . . and then suddenly I was back in the elevator.

This time the elevator turned wildly head over heels as it descended. As each side became the floor, it changed hue and a treasure chest appeared, each identical. I chose one and then turned around. The door was open and the elevator was stopping. I saw the change — the Renaissance scene was still there but flat-looking. It faded out to a mottled gray-brown before opening into a new scene — a dark brown sky with smoky clouds. I see a boy sitting on a car in a wheat field. I become him. I have a sack, and open it. Inside is a gun and some ammo. I see an asian man about 50 feet away, and know that he is my father. He’s looking for me. He soon sees me and is shocked. I look around me. There is a hole in the car and gasoline all over everything. I realize that the boy (me) intends to kill himself (myself). Then I awaken.

There I was, floating high above this lagoon surrounded by rocks and yellow sand. It was filled with shallow, stagnant water. On one side there was an entrance to what I knew was the underground water system, a deep hole that went down into blackness. This was a different pool than the one I usually go in, and though I was tempted, I decided not to explore, as the tide was getting higher (I knew it was 4:15 AM, later than I’d usually go, which meant I’d get back too late) and I didn’t have someone with me to navigate the curving passageways to air pockets. I could drown!

So instead I ventured out into a foot-deep blue channel closer to the ocean. I thought about how I’d planned the Jurassic Park 2 dream I was having before. A black lava flow map of the island used in the first movie appeared before me, and I retraced in my mind where on the island all the events took place. I thought, “Yeah, that was a good, thrilling movie.”

The lava flow map wasn’t just imagined, THERE IT WAS in front of me. I picked it up and started to knead it and it became more pliable. Then I put it in some kind of rectangular pan and kneaded it some more. I could push my fingers deep into it and moosh it around. It didn’t smear or stick or tear or anything — it stretched. When removing my fingers the imprints slowly popped back out to form a smooth surface again. It remained black this entire time. One of my finger holes held its form as I concentrated on it, then as I became surprised that only one would hold its form, it then started to pop out. So then I turned to the original map (oops! there it is again!) and thought “Oh no, I’ve left it alone too long — it’s probably hardened.” I started kneading this one, too, and its resistance became less and less and I stretched it out longer and thinner bit by bit. Then I laid it over a shopping cart (?!) and turned back to the original map. I could see through the pan that it had separated into layers. The bottom three quarters was an ivory color with brownish layer variations (still malleable), then it transitioned to black at the top, which was hard and crumbly now. I picked it up from the pan and started kneading it and as I did so rock crumbles came off. Soon, as I worked with it, it seemed to become more uniformly malleable (and black throughout again).

[I have a long dream of hanging out with Dean & Gene Ween]

I left off last night traveling home from Pennsylvania (Ween lives in Philadelphia). I was thinking Minnesota was my home, then realized it was Georgia.

References: Ween is a band.

It’s interesting to see how gradually the context of a dream can expand until a seemingly insignificant dream can become a significant dream.

I am in a classroom, though it’s not the Dark Tower. I made a firm resolution not to return as I believe it is in the lower astral. This classroom was on the ground floor. A gray light entered through windows and I felt I was just above the surface in the astral world.

My experience through dim consciousness was this: I was looking down at a miniature city, just a few buildings. My first thought? Wow, StarCraft! So suddenly all these Zerg creatures (because of their odd shapes) are fighting. Floating jellyfish are flying about and I invade the docking area of the kid next to me. I eventually run out of troops, but I find two oranges and think “ooh, these can be bombs!” I run about the other students in the room, looking for something to demolish, but when I see them all working on their projects I lose my fire and decide not to.

Image credit to Blizzard

Image credit to ThisIsGame.com

You know what their projects were? Creating little thought-form cities on the tables in front of them, using their thoughts. The place had every appearance of an art class — supplies everywhere, students wearing white aprons. And what I saw when running about were new, semi-formed thought-form structures in various colors — oblong shapes with a single color throughout, like playdough. One student had a mountain, house, and a newly-created thought form blob without edges or separate colors (yet).

So this was thought form class! And I was a fool student running about creating trouble, my mind fired emotionally by the competitive conflict of StarCraft (which was in my head last night because I considered deleting it). I was creating wildly, flying the troops and moving them about, but it was nonlucid emotion and memory projections powering and directing my work. What a lesson for everyone, huh?

References: StarCraft is a video game with a top-down perspective. Zerg are an alien species in that game.

Very revealing! The Dark Tower is like a multilevel dungeon. Levels 1-9 are full of tons of weird monsters. What was I doing there? Looking for Kayla. I remember being in the outside neighborhood — there’s a platform above the trees in the back where you can look out and there are many stairs to get up and down. The woods are alive but dark and dry and the foliage is patchy. The trees and dorms are all tall. Anyways I return to the Dark Tower and “jump” to level 6 accidentally. I needed to go to level 9. So I slip through the semi-darkness past swarming monsters and climb the stairs three levels to level 9. There I find Kayla. I try to get her attention. I have a terrible cold, but it gets her sympathy.

Going to the Dark Tower often occurs at 3-4 AM.

Context: We'd visited Miajima in the last year. We'd also gone on a trek in Nepal during that same trip.

I’m in a plane-like ship traveling with friends through a cloudy nebula near the center of a galaxy where the stars were profuse. It was absolutely amazing and beautiful beyond words. I remembering thinking “I should take a picture” and scrambling for a camera, but right when I got it we were out of the nebula. Soon we were descending into a strange world. It was misty and cool and this different kind of pine tree was everywhere. The plane was piloted by a young person, and after a soft descent, we landed in this lake. The plane was pale, smooth, rounded and small — a rapidly shrinking thought form. We made for the shore.

There were pine cones everywhere and I thought “Hey — I’ll take one of these back to Earth.” I was reprimanded by some older new-ager so I played it off as a joke. The buildings were cube-shaped, seemingly made of wood and glass. They were brown, jade, and gray. We went into a low building by the lake. Inside were Ranier, Buttercup, Aurelia, and Fiona, along with others I didn’t know. We played a game of questions that was a little risqué at times. During such times the lights dimmed.

Then we met a Japanese man from Miajima and told him that after this, we’d be going to some park in Japan. Soon we headed out and there was this large hill with a winding path. We were beginning a trek. We were going to split up at this point and meet again later.

I’m skiing — the sensation of movement and flight rationalized. There’s a half-pipe and people are trying to go down one side and up and out the other.

Later, I’m out exploring in these fields that are divided up into squares like sod fields. They have a light dusting of white snow. Suddenly this bear runs up to me and bear-hugs me from one side and this raccoon hugs me from the other. It’s a very warm sensation. Then this host of creatures that I was previously scared of comes out of the woods and runs towards me. I run back through the fields I came from and into this building. They chase me, and are joined by a big fleshy ogre. I’m with Buttercup now and we flee down hallways. We get to the car and quickly pull out. We drive through the narrow lots and smash into another car. I think to myself “No, that’s no good. Let’s try again.”

So I’m back at the first hallway in the building and cause the hallway between myself and the oncoming group to glow with hot yellow light. Then I cause a tornado to appear in the middle. But it doesn’t stop the fleshy ogre, who runs right through it. I flee, then change my tactic. I let him catch me. He stops short, huffing, and says “I wondered if you could make me a CD.” I said I would, then left.

I’m a really fun special event or celebration with a great teacher. There are students from Spring Lake Park there, and I’m making jokes about Lindsey hitting on me to Brandon.

This older friend is leading us down along this peninsula in shallow waters to this great swimming area at the end of the peninsula — an area of rolling hills of soft sand. There are a lot of people there. The waves are gently rolling. Across the sea is a huge power plant with giant energy conductors in the water as well as on land. Beyond it is a huge greenish building shifting back and forth in the water, which I think is very odd. But as it moves past the end of the peninsula, I realize it’s a boat. This big dolphin rises up out of the water behind it. I’m totally enraptured for a moment, before I notice how fake and rubbery it looks, and how it doesn’t interact with the water. A thought form! I notice it’s connected to the boat by a mechanical arm (though I don’t see this). It speaks to us. Then a set of three of these rubber dolphins comes, just as fake-looking and attached together. They change form to be these puppets of sea-goddesses, and they “speak” to us, moving in front of the boat.

Then there is a try-out. These paper dolphin masks and costumes are handed out to groups of two. I find this cute blonde girl to partner with and we put the costumes on. Our faces are maybe a foot apart and we are talking, smiling, and flirting. Then Buttercup reminds me that we were going to do the lobster part, so I give my position to someone else.

Buttercup and I soon arrive at the try-outs. The kind teacher seems to be running the show. We see two “dolphins” on the stage having this dialogue. Then one tears out of the costume and hijinks ensue. Buttercup and I have these red lobster-antenna crowns for our heads. We’re told there’s two lobster parts, and we have to compete. I go first and play at having trouble getting up on the stage, then do something that makes the audience laugh. Then it’s Buttercup’s turn. She puts on a black and white building costume and starts singing the Gilligan’s Island theme while horizontally sliding to the edge of the stage. Not too funny, I think, but then she (as a building) is moving down a city street of similar buildings and it starts shifting, changing to many buildings moving down many streets in a beautiful, incredible display. I’m awed. The judges declare it a tie and ask us to go again. I do some okay funny stuff, then sit down in the audience and wish this random guy a happy birthday. His name is Brandon. I make some cracks and eventually have him kiss not his date but the guy sitting next to him and he does — on the mouth! The crowd loves it and calls it the “Brandon Routine”. Then Buttercup goes and it starts out so-so then gets pretty funny but we’re running into the next time slot and these musicians in black are already setting up on the stage next to her.

Afterwards I sit with the musicians and idly play the drums with my hands while talking with a friend.

Then I’m walking along this country road with some older people. The sky is pink like it’s sunset and there’s this huge machinery structure off in the distance to the right. Ahead of us on the road is a farmhouse with fields of crops around it. This older lady is hitting on me, talking about the Brandon Routine.

References: Lindsey and Brandon were friends in high school, which was Spring Lake Park High School.

Context: I used to work at Definition 6. Last night we saw their sign in a new location. Oscar worked there, too.

I got this call from the sales guy at Definition 6. He asked if I was going to come in. I thought, “Huh? I don’t work there,” but I doubted myself and asked what day it was. He said I should come in but since I can’t remember he’d give me control of all sales calls coming from Alabama. Slowly I regained some lucidity and said, “You know, I don’t work there. I haven’t in a long time.” He suddenly breaks down crying, sobbing, saying he liked me the best and missed me and I should come and visit. So I did, and there’s Oscar standing at the door, so happy to see me. He welcomes me in and the office is much more sterile and plain than before. The sales guy asks me if I want to play Myth with him and I say “No, I used to play those games but I don’t anymore.”

Then he said I should go into Oscar’s apartment and see something. His apartment was attached by hyperspace to the building next to the front door. There was a doorway leading to his apartment from inside the building, and his apartment stretched into what was, from outside, simply the front walkway. I meandered through his apartment alone, then turned a corner to hear people down the hall. I went down the hall and greeted a large family who I took to be Oscar’s wife’s or girlfriend’s family. They had three baby seals (last night I imagined how Isobel would look like a seal if she only had front legs). The baby seals were cute but I had this real thought form fantasy of a huge mother seal coming to protect them.

Before long I decided to return to Definition 6 and found that I was naked. I quickly tried to get dressed again in the front apartment and of course was having trouble with it. And then of course Oscar came in. Murphy’s Law is a thought form expectation rule from dreams applied to waking life.

So I find out that the large family I ran into were Oscar’s neighbors. Eventually I returned to them. Out their front door was a countryside scene, sunny and green. They had a deck that was also a bridge 15 feet up passing by trees where a squirrel played on a white rope pulley system. Then it started to rain.

I next remember being at the top of the ski hill, a recent regular spot in dreams. I’m there with Buttercup, some friends, and Isobel. We were at the top, but there was another scene in the air above the top of the ski hill. In that second scene, there was a wooden lodge at the ground level of another mountain. In the upper scene it was summer, and raining hard. There was a river there, above us, spilling water over the edges of its scene into our scene as a mix of water and snow. It was a composite scene, a crossing between worlds. The astral matter from one crosses to the other, but with the correct (appropriate) transformation — rain to snow. Wow!

References: Isobel was our new puppy.

I remember exploring deeply for long periods through endless underground caves, going deeper and deeper with smaller or larger groups of friends, equipped with flashlights, laser pointers for stopping spiders and scorpions, and perhaps a gun or other weapon. This time we had a large group including Brendan. There was a single small flashlight but we were only 15 minutes in when we discovered no one had brought anything more. A good supply of flashlights and batteries was always required. I had an absurd little weapon: a finger-sized device that stuck out inch-long green and red brushes and turned. This we used only to dispatch a scorpion in a tiny sand-covered room before the power ran out. We next had to descend into a room through a narrow opening where a crazy witch-woman was screaming. I wish we’d had the gun or something at this point.

Somehow we made it into her chamber and it was lit and she was gone; she’d gone to get something for us — a gift. While we waited, we talked. They asked how far it was and I said it took about 3 hours to get to the puzzle chamber where I had once gotten, but had lost my light and been unable to solve all 3 puzzles. They were large chambers, reminiscent of underground video game dreams. But my friends balked at the time, especially as we had spent 15 minutes waiting for the witch woman’s gift. Soon after that she reappeared, still green and monstrous but far less dead-looking and afraid. She presented me a hard hat with four flashlights containing full batteries! Thrilled, I strapped the hat on and continued, but I think the others had left.

The Catacombs seem a lucidity challenge — a struggle against distraction. And what lay at the bottom? Again, I had an intimate awareness of time passing through the night.

Context: I'm in Barcelona at the time.

Most of the night I was pleasantly engrossed in building structures out of Spanish. There was a bit where I was reading the headline of a fax and was criticizing the design, but of course the words were changing. It’s as if information comes directly at you out of the page starting at one letter — entire sentences will stream into your mind through the single changing letter. But as you scan across the page, only a little comes out of each letter and the whole page seems to change as you read it.

I’m at a familiar dream school. It is a good, quality school — unlike the Dark Tower. I have a regular class schedule and memories of many days there. Buttercup is there as well. There is a crossroads at a walkway where in the past I have gone to meet Kayla. I am heading to a class when I notice someone that looks like Kayla walking in another direction. It looks as if her face is behind a veil or plastic sheet but as I look (project?) it becomes clearly her. There is a mutual recognition and I tell her we have to run off and find a private room somewhere where we can talk, because if Buttercup saw us together she’d flip out.

So we peek into all these music practice rooms but there are people in them. Finally we find an empty one and sit down at a table. There is a row of glass display boxes there. We talk, and the topic turns to Buttercup, and a big intricate golden machine before us that represents her. As I looked on in admiration, Kayla understood my attraction to her. But then she said something about some imperfection. Now the machine is actually Buttercup, who opens the door and starts yelling at Kayla about Kayla’s own imperfections. This is a little odd . . . maybe I’m crossing scenes but I run off to Buttercup, who is out in the courtyard. She calmly explains that she knew Kayla was at that school and that we’d probably meet up sometime. I’m relieved that there’s no anger about it. She found Kayla less threatening than she thought.

Later there’s a part of the dream where there’s some trouble and Kayla sends out this psychic eye thing and that impresses Buttercup.

Buttercup and I are riding about on a collapsible red scooter. We need something fixed, so we go to the old Definition 6 building, but it’s in a different area. We let ourselves in. [We visit with the people there — some old, some new, and pick up old mail] Then we left. We can hear this Fiona Mclaughlin and Smashing Pumpkins concert and we drive around looking for it. The traffic is so fast that we miss our turn. We turn around and end up listening from this apartment complex. There are really weird speed effects and accelerations going on.

Then someone comes up to us and I have this sudden fear that he’ll ride off with Buttercup on the red scooter — so of course he does. I chase them, but I’m very slow. I concentrate really hard on running fast and the colors get deeper and darker. I become aware I’m dreaming, aware that I can break the seeming rules of reality around me, but still the red scooter pulls out of sight. I decide to try to instantly be there and the scenery all disappears to this red-rose smear with random objects here and there as I travel some inner space corridor and arrive right where they are.

I chase them down into a sunken staircase (the underworld) and into this madhouse scene with scary sleepwalker people all milling about. I rush through two pale greenish rooms to where Buttercup is. I pass multiple copies of the bad guy; this yellow-eyed purple-haired guy that looks like “bat boy” — very much like a thought form as it is mostly lifeless. I reach the exit but a wave of fear passes over me. The door leads me back inside, but I focus and press onward and make it out.

References: I used to work at Definition 6. Smashing Pumpkins and Fiona McLaughlin are bands. Bat Boy was a weird character from a tabloid.

We’re flying in a physical plane and I dream:

Buttercup and I are on a motorcycle (this is how I had attributed the loud roar and bumpiness of the plane). She was trying to convince me of the value of this intricate pattern on tissue paper but I thought it was just tissue paper and threw it off the back of our motorcycle. Suddenly I realized it had love notes written on it between her and I! Instantly I regretted the rash move and jumped off to get it. This other motorcyclist picked it up and I tried to chase them (on a motorcycle again) but got on the wrong ramp and then jumped the motorcycle way up in the air. The vertigo and fear of the anticipated crash caused me to awaken.

I was looking at a map of an island. It said in clear letters “THOMAS” next to it. I wondered, “Is that St. Thomas?” and looked to the left to find a much smaller “ST” out there.

There’s a scene where I’m reading a bio for Ween that uses their song lyrics. And I can read! I could see the whole page, the layout of the words, and the individual words. I was reading, scanning my focus across the page, but it was like it was being spoken into my mind. It was describing some court case involving this slightly older guy who did something bad down at the river and Ween was there fishing and saw it.

References: Ween is a band.

We’re on a big tour in this foreign city. The people are on buses, split into groups and Buttercup is in a different group. This blonde girl takes a liking to me and sits next to me on the bus. She grabs my hand and so we’re holding hands and talking. Then Buttercup gets on the bus and I feel awkward. She sits two seats in front and we all talk. At the end of the conversation, having nothing to say but wanting to say something, I blurt out “I wonder how elevators work,” and the girl next to me says she doesn’t know. I say I don’t know either and Buttercup turns around and gives me this “whatever!” look. Buttercup then moves diagonal from us and the blonde girl leans over and gives her a friendly kiss on the cheek. I look from the blonde, to her little sister, to Buttercup, comparing their beauty, and each one I stare at becomes extremely beautiful, ideal. Pretty neat. It’s my first memory of looking for beauty in dreams.

Then we’re driving down this extremely high, steep road towards this white sand beach and beautiful water. We descend on a path not quite meeting the road we saw below and it started getting faster. For a moment I prepared for impact, but we gradually straightened and landed on the shore. The whole time I assumed there must have been a second road but there wasn’t.

We got off the bus and had some time to explore. I go inside this house and there is a feeling of ghosts. There’s some story in my head about seeing ghosts in smoke and so I try to see one. I look really hard down the porch and a small twirling wispy ball of smoke appears and heads toward me. When it gets close it disappears. I head to the secret room at the end of the hall. I open the door, and it’s old and empty inside. I look around the corner and there’s an older boy and a younger boy in a snowsuit. I turn around to tell someone and when I look back they’re gone. I close the door and open it and the room is filled with snowsuits and hats and gloves and there’s a boy there. I ask his name and he says something like “Liv Schelyer.” I write everything in this notebook but find it almost impossible to read whenever I look back. So I try to write very neatly, but it’s hard to control what I write. The older brother is Aza. Then I meet Div, a green kid. I say “You’re getting very green” and he turns his color back to black and green. Then I meet one more younger brother who is a ghost. The scene changes every time I close and open the door or leave and come back.

I’m upstairs in a house with Deaner, who’s showing me pictures in his photo album. I spend some time on a Tahiti-like island, which was probably a rote or subdream based on a photo, and return to find Deaner (who looks different) waiting for me. I am trying hard to be entertaining and only sometimes succeeding, but there is friendly chemistry. Their place is out in the country, an old bachelor-type place filled with junk. They describe their house as “apartments” and their friends are always around. [we hang out]

They disappear upstairs and I’m left alone. . . . I call them on a white downstairs phone and talk to them but spill white wax all over my shoes. Then Deaner comes down and we laugh. Soon the boys and I leave, driving along the foresty road. We stop at the side of the road and descend this steep slope to a barren rocky plain that sputters from weird holes. We block the sputtering holes, throw stuff into them, and play about with rocks. Then as we drive off, big rocks start to shoot out of one of the holes, barely missing people. I feel bad for starting such a thing. As we drive away, I realize it’s the Tahiti-like island. There’s a massive fire on the top of the cliffs, threatening to spread downwards. There are lava flows and fireballs as we leave.

There’s a break in memory and we’re back at the forested slope. This time we’re descending with a huge group of Renaissance Festival people into a clearing in a thick forest. Everyone’s dressed up and speaking in accents. I just sort of don my costume by thought as we enter the scene. I choose to be a funny guy and I’m cracking all sorts of jokes. A friend becomes this warrior wearing a helm with detachable bull horns.

Mistaking this as the island from earlier, I remember the danger we were in. I look up to a cliff above us and see a trail of lava coming down. Soon the gully at the bottom is filled with lava. I’m afraid, and I’m having trouble getting up the way we came as the slope has become much steeper, and the vegetation is now just grass — no trees and plants to grab onto. I struggle to climb up and encounter a dull, bug-eyed person calling for help in a weird way — like an inside joke I wasn’t in on. It was a total thought form serving only one purpose.

My attention is unavoidably drawn to the lava below as I wonder if we’ve lost anybody. I find myself hovering above it. There is a little thought-form Gollum down there sinking slowly a bit and jumping periodically, saying “Oww!” like a broken record. A friend, Buttercup I think, is also there, walking on the lava and sinking a little with each step. I explain how it’s impossible to walk on lava like that because you’d burn up. The lava turns out to be red and glowing and pliable but not hot. I see a row of the renaissance people including a queen in pink and a prince sitting on a wooden ornamental bench ON the lava.

Then I had a false awakening where I was writing the dream down, before really waking up.

References: Deaner is from the band Ween.

It’s daytime, and I’m hanging out in a dorm, watching people. I see Marilyn Manson as himself, without all the makeup. He was rather thin. He was there with a girl. While they had usually got all done up — him in an “aura helm”, and her in black leather, they had released a flier that said they weren’t crazy looney partiers doing bad stuff like some people thought. I had one of the fliers and I thought it was funny. Like I cared! I went up and talked with him. He was preparing for a party in a dorm. He told me his real name — long and indecipherable. He asked if I could bring this pitcher of something to the party. I ribbed him about the flier. I said “Don’t know if I’ll go,” and I held it up. “You cheese-puffs will probably just sit around watching football all day.” He grinned. He seemed like he was going to go swimming, too, as he had a towel or two.

I joined him on the way over. We talked deeply and honestly and it was joyous. At one point, I said “I bet you like the rush of emotion.” He began running all about through the grass and I joined him, running at turbo speed, just loving the feeling of it. Then we looked up ahead at a vast landscape of colored pots and pans stacked into towers with a path running through them up to this huge tall black pot. I suggested we go up the path and we did. Marilyn said he felt like he was coloring the pots and pans with his mind as he looked at them. As we got on the path they turned to cars, still stacked and still colored. One car blocked the road. Was it occupied? As I had the thought, a vague white silhouette could be seen in the driver’s seat. Recognizing the thought form, I said “no” and smiled to myself.

As we neared the top of the hill, we overtook Sid and Ranier and Brendan! We joined them and came over the top of the hill. The tall black pot had resolved into a black cylindrical structure. Before us was a wide river and across that a woods with assorted buildings and a neon sign that I recognized as Atlanta for some reason. That’s where we wanted to go. But a few steps more and we saw that the road, now concrete, came to a sudden end some ten feet over the river. There was confusion in the group and I explained that the reason for this was that we had to face something in the large structure first.

We turned to it and not much was visible — just some bits sticking out of the top of the sandy/muddy hill. There was an opening barely large enough to slide in through and a flexible area that revealed lines of blue energy when pushed on. I said “no, no” and gathered their attention. I knew I could easily get to the bottom of this through dream law. I mentally pried open the ground and created a big opening for everyone. The ground was pliable and the opening started small and was stretched open. We entered.

There were many levels but I remember few details. I taught them a lot of things, though I resisted being too much of a teacher. At one point we crossed a road under open sky. I said that if they ignored the cars they would pass right through them, as they do with one another, but if they became anxious and believed they would feel the impact of getting hit, they would.

Then we went into another room and I taught them how to open doors in walls. “Begin by sticking a pin-like extension of your mind into the wall.” Two of them were lined up with me, trying it. The appearance was like sticking a pin into clay. “Then, when it’s in, expand it, stretch it open into whatever shape you like — circle, square, patterned frame, etc.”

Next we came upon a big mechanical fish. I knew it was the second-to-last level and we entered through the mouth. I told the others to get their bats or weapons out in preparation for lots of little guys. Clearly here I must have been losing a little lucidity. Once in the mouth, we slid down a slippery slope into a canal with little fish-beastie enemies and I found a bat. That’s when I awoke. The music-alarm had gone off.

References: Marilyn Manson was a musician.

The dream was related to classes at my high school. I went to this odd, out-of-place room. Inside was a friend and two gorgeous naked girls laying on these pillows, facing away. I was overtaken with this strong sexual passion and made some verbal attempts at seduction. What it was is that I was outpicturing to one of them scenes of how nice it would be. So then I was floating above myself, embodying the imagery, with her vaguely above me. We began doing it, but she became less and less important. As I moved, I felt these golden waves going up and down my floating body from my feet to my head. It was ecstatic, orgasmic but sustainable.

Then without warning I’m in a plane on takeoff. It rises slowly and another plane passes over it. My perspective on my plane was as the plane — around and above it. My plane can’t get enough lift and comes to the inner corner of the walls of this ruin. It crashes in an explosion, throwing me rapidly forward, and I awake.

What was all that about? It seems I raised my energy, drifted out of body, then rationalized the plane to account for the lift-off sensations. The plane rationalization began slightly after take-off, slightly above the ground where I was in the scene before it. It probably “crashed” when I reached the corner of my bedroom.

The Dark Tower is a college in which the Dark Tower itself is the first, main building you see upon arrival. In front of it, the road from the west splits into upper and lower parkway roads heading east, with a mixture of trees and open spaces. There are huge square grates all over the lower road which caused big bumps when you drove over them, so I avoided them. The road was a changing patchwork of stone tiles near the end. Whoever I was with in the dream, I was swearing to them that this was the actual location of the Dark Tower. I had a name for the place, too: something like “Anabestos”. I said it had something to do with my first rally, when I fell in love at a rally? But no one was pictured with that thought. Strange. . . . There are a lot of buildings along each parkway, which I visit from time to time. I have many adventures in the Dark Tower and the next, squarish building over. It’s big but not as tall. Things aren’t as dark seeming. The buildings are of a tan-brown color, and made of brick. They are dusted with black dirt.

Inside one of these two buildings, I had found my way to an unoccupied room with bunk beds and white comforters. There was an opening in the ceiling along the outside wall. I pulled myself up into a room that was almost exactly the same, but smaller. Then I went up again to an even smaller similar room. I had left my companions behind in the lower rooms, and there were only children in this room. They encouraged me to escape something by entering a tiny picture on the wall but I was having trouble using the gateway. At times it would begin to enlarge around me but then I’d pull back. Details forgotten.

I awoke lying on my back and found that I could remember best while remaining in that position.

References: Rallies are youth group gatherings at Unity Church.

I’m in a concrete, domed school-like building. I’ve been here before many, many times. There are two elevators. I know a secret, though. It’s because I’m in Ranier’s Room. I take the elevator to floor 12, make some sideways adjustment, and then go all the way to the top. Where do I end up? The Atlanta Tower. There’s another student about to do his film project. That interfered with my latest trip so I decide to wait around. While waiting, I meet Brigit, this girl who has this huge living space with a forest of 10-foot tall pink molten muffin-top things. She has photo books of her and four friends in attention-getting outfits. There are walkways made of chairs and junk, and I slip on one on the way out. I want to help fix it.

I’m building the Atlanta Tower, or I’m a child inside it as my parents are building it. There’s a sense of it being something I don’t want Wadsworth’s help with anymore. It’s being built on many fronts at once, and they’re all unfinished. There are lots of people working, and there’s sheetrock lying about. I feel like I’m out of money. It’s huge, like a mountaintop, up by the birds, all covered in trees. Sometimes the buildings were merged into grassy hills.

At the Atlanta Tower I have free reign to go wherever I want. Upon discovering an outer porch without any railing, I become upset at a Emma character, who seems to not be actively working on it.

In the last part of the story, I’m with an attractive orange-haired girl and decide to pick up Brigit. I passed through her family’s school area earlier. Now I drive to her house. It’s similar in form to the school but wooden and shaded by trees. The left opening is a car port. Everything has a sensation of height, airiness, a feeling of uplinks/elevators to higher places.

In another elevator at the domed school, I accidentally go down instead of up. There are three sections of three buttons on the wall panel. The buttons are all dirty, broken, and scratched. I don’t want to go down at all so I quickly make the elevator go back up, then I exit.

References: Ranier's Room is what we called my high school counselor's office.

I was with Sid and Ranier, who I’ll probably see later today. We were wandering about this town. It was daytime and overcast. We were going to go adventuring underground, in the underworld! It had this D&D feel to it. There was a place in the square where a door led underground. We started out and made it underground.

We returned above ground again. I suggested we go back down but first go to the shops for snacks, weapons, and armor. We went to the snack shop first. I picked out some drink boxes and snacks, then made a phone call. The lady said it was $81.10 and I was so mad. She said the cost was $10/minute. I left without paying. Distracted, the dream ended up on another path.

The phone thing was a waking issue — I’ve been mad about hotels charging for local calls.

Awake: Buttercup and I are staying in a bed & breakfast

Dream: I have a long and protracted realtime dream with the landlady of the B&B getting into bed with us and not leaving us alone! I eventually told her off. There was a strong Dark Tower feel but it was the actual room we were in. She was astrally visiting us!

Also, I watched a tale about a criminal who was importing something secret. It appeared to be a whale for a while, but then the secret was revealed — it was a giant squid! It looked like a giant jellyfish. I was not actually present in the scenes of this story, but an omnipresent hovering viewpoint hearing the criminal tell the story, hearing his voice and seeing his thought forms. A storytelling!

So I’m at Blaine House with Wadsworth. It’s daytime. We’re in the back yard. There’s no gazebo, as usual. The ground is very spongy and dug up in some places — they’d just emptied the septic tank. Wadsworth brought me to this 4-inch diameter round hole — the top of a metal pipe leading up from below and said he wanted to show me something. He pried this metal cover off and then I looked down the pipe. I could see water glimmering far below, and a white/blue tile. The picture resolved and I could see one whole end of a large swimming-pool-type chamber. I was fascinated that I could see so much through such a small hole, down a pipe. I turned to look the other way and could see the whole other side of the room, dimly lit. How?! “That’s incredible!” I thought. I asked how that could be. Next thing, we’re inside on a platform along one wall with white metal rails, looking around. We’re down there, inside the septic tank. There’s still plenty of water — they hadn’t pumped it all out. It was clear and blue and seemed pure, which surprised me. Wadsworth and I talked a little about it, then I asked how we were going to get back out and I looked up at the little hole in the ceiling and he nodded and I became really afraid of how I’d get through there. But I was distracted then by three white objects in the water below. It was a harp seal family! So cute! Amazing, I thought. How could they live down here, eating filth? Wadsworth expressed something about how it was purified down here.

Then we walked down the stairs to our right and Wadsworth jumped into the water. I was disgusted, but soon he was walking on the surface. Ice! My fascination was constant. The floor by the doors on this side of the wall was frozen and rippled. I stepped down and peered into the first door — it was a racquetball court with a floor of ice. Wadsworth led the way to the second door, which opened to a larger storeroom, mostly barren but with various machinery parts scattered about. Through the door on the far side of that room was a very large room with white walls, an off-white tile floor, and what looked like a business party in an engineering department. This was definitely Wadsworth’s! There were a few people scattered about in business slacks or skirts, holding styrofoam cups with punch, mulling about and talking. Decor was absent and there was a lot of open space, a few desks, and engineering parts scattered about. I asked Wadsworth how the room was being powered and he pointed up, saying “sparse, low-cost lighting.” There were scattered bulbs and only sections of the fluorescent ceiling lights were on. It wasn’t dim, but it wasn’t bright, either. Then through another door was a 70s-looking kitchen area with cheap silverware and dishes with greenish cupboards, more partygoers, and more assorted parts everywhere.

Wadsworth introduced me to Ruby (my sister), who had now joined us, but he called me “Brad” to some of his friends. There was a hallway beyond this room. I thought, “Who knew that there was this great underground area beneath Blaine House all this time?” I asked why he hadn’t told me about it before. I remembered the big pile of dirt in the backyard when they built the house and now attributed it to this complex. Soon I found Ruby more interesting and I went with her to the main septic tank room where we started. The floor was all ice now. We exited through another door.

An evening landscape opened up before us, a half-moon bay of shallow, reddish water that I imagined must have been the real cess pool. It had a sandy beach. A catamaran that I “recognized” as Wadsworth’s spare one was by the water on the beach. The wall we had just passed through was a cliff viewed from this side, and a cliff-house was in the distance to our right at the top of the cliff. The sky was dark and undefined, as was the area past the reddish bay.

We were now accompanied by Fiona’s friend Vortigem. Upon seeing the catamaran, we ran to it, got on, and pushed off. We immediately began moving fast towards the near edge of the smallish bay, then even faster across it. Vortigem was big and kept putting the craft off-balance and we told him to get in the middle. I felt the speed and loved it but I couldn’t see a thing. Then after a few moments of speeding through the dark, light quickly dawned. It became full daylight, and we were in California. The reddish bay had become a clear, gushing river and the sandy land held hills and short dark-leaved trees. Definitely California. I assumed, however, that we were still near Blaine House, only under daylight conditions.

Floating along, I closed my eyes. The scene dimmed and then reappeared in full light. But this, I thought, was in my head. I focused on creating a thought form and suddenly held a sprig of spruce in my hands. I then “opened my eyes,” causing a flash of dark as my inner sight moved to my outer sight (or because I expected it) and there was the sprig. I was so overwhelmed I was moved to tears. I’d done it! I’d created a thought form and brought it to reality! I could feel it solidly in my hands. Ruby/Buttercup tried to take it away, unimpressed, but I refused to let go. Feeling awed, I thought Wadsworth must have been a master thought form creator to have created all this. Then I noticed the sprig becoming jelly-like and limp. I was concerned for a moment but then forgot about it.

I’m not sure how Ruby and I got back to the surface of Blaine House, but we looked at the house and I noticed the windows were all covered with a white semitransparent skin and bulging out from the inside, as if someone were inflating a huge balloon inside the house. I said “Those must be painting tarps over the windows. They must be repainting.” Ruby didn’t think so.

Earlier, outside with Wadsworth, I said, “And you’re thinking of SELLING this?” and he calmly said “I have sold this,” and an image of the Orono house appeared in my head. Suddenly I remembered.

I’m on a bike, approaching this small shack on a hill. A friend is with me. Inside, it’s unlit except by the daylight streaming in through the windows. There are people scattered about and I’m amazed to see Mark Curry. He’s about to leave. He and my friend get into a car. I run up to the car and say, “Mark, hi! I think you’re a wonderful artist — one of my favorites.” And you know what? It’s not Mark Curry. It’s Ernest! Part of me notices but I keep going. He’s so touched by my comments and replies that he thinks my guitar playing is great, with all the fingerpicking stuff. I remain outside the window while he’s driving down the hill. I ask him to stop because I need to get back to my bike. He says okay but keeps driving slowly. I’m still out the window! I begin to realize I don’t like Ernest. He gets to the bottom of the hill and turns a corner. A block down, I disconnect and go back to the hill. But now it’s twice as steep and part of a crazy dragster track. This unbalanced guy is trying desperately to get his dragster up to the top of the near-vertical hill. I try to get up there too but instead turn around and continue on these endless sky highways.

References: Mark Curry is a musician I like. Ernest is the weird guy in the Ernest movies.

I’m in a dimly lit Northtown Mall, and it’s filled with kids from my high school. It seemed as if at first there was a class because Meagan was sitting next to me. I asked her out and she said no. She was dating this jock Peter, who I hated, so I made up some rude lies about him. She was shocked and went to chew him out. Meanwhile, I curled up on the floor to fall asleep. Was I about to pass into another dream? It was all dark and still and I felt sleepy. But before long I felt a kick, and then another. It was Peter, waking me up. He asked “What was that all about?” I didn’t know what to say to him, so I apologized.

Then, walking to the center of the mall, I saw Raven walking the other way. She said a meek hello and continued on. I turned around and followed her into a book store. I tried to speak but my voice was all raspy, so I left.

I returned to the center of the mall and thought about her. I appeared in this twilight neighborhood near a tilted, window-covered house without any decorations in it (I was likely just seeing through the walls). It was Raven’s house. I saw her inside and she eventually saw me and came out. We walked and talked. Then I saw this distant light in the sky, darting about unnaturally and I said “UFO!” I repeated it over and over because it felt as if my mouth was full of crackers and I couldn’t say it. Weird! Twice in one night! Eventually everyone saw it before it darted away.

Then another one appeared. This one ended up coming close and circling around us, darting about with zero regard for gravity and inertia. It was this garish space pod with windows. The windows seemed to be a row of dark mirrors with light dots around the edge. We kept trying to see inside it but it was moving too much.

Somehow it spit out a gift for me that was a list of song names and a CD called “Smeg-something“. Buttercup and I tried to figure it out. It turned out to be a New Year’s gift from Raven, who was disappointed that my attention had now turned to Buttercup. I had a hard time reading it, sinking into a single word often, and getting more information through that word. But I could see the list of song names clearly. The problem was that my imagination was going wild reading every single word. Maybe each word was reflecting all the words that I’ve ever seen surrounding it.

References: Northtown was my local mall in Minnesota.

Wow.. This has so many aspects! It began as the new apartment Buttercup and I moved to in a sunny, happy small city that I described as being near Oberlin. It had a very old-school rich feel with dark wood and high ceilings. There was a large central area with a surrounding horseshoe shape. The large central area was used every morning as a public breakfast area. Great feasts were served. The doors were opened to all, and we were free to partake. This morning Raven was going to visit.

I was at the table with Buttercup and Alexandra and other friends. There was a scene where I was Alexandra, looking out of her eyes and appreciating my friendship. Then I (as Alexandra) was wandering about in the foyer looking for a bathroom. There were a few but there were large windows in each. The view outside that used to be a street was now one of greenery.

Back at the table I (as myself) was eating corn and potatoes. They tasted overcooked and unsatisfying, as if all made from the same substance (haha). I went wandering to try to find something else, and got bread and au gratin potatoes. I saw an old lady who I mistook for Raven. I talked to her, thinking it was her, but then the wrinkles finally made me realize it wasn’t her and I dropped the conversation and wandered away while she, confused, went and sat down at the table.

Then I returned to the table to find that the people had changed to my extended family and Raven’s extended family. A scene played out similar to one from The Slums of Beverly Hills, which I’d seen last night, but with these characters, where Raven’s family was asking me questions but Wadsworth and Emma kept answering and saying that they had paid for the apartment and took all responsibility for it. I got up and stormed off.

So I wandered around the outside blowing my nose again and again. I met up with Raven and her brother and sister (stand-ins) and walked around with her. I mentioned we could use the main central area for slide shows or movies. I brought her to the first room and had to blow my nose some 17 times before it was clear. There was copious amounts of snot, getting all over. It was very embarrassing — she was getting bored of waiting. My nose is clear in waking life and has been. So finally the tour commenced.

By the time I left the first room, the rounded outside area had become a walkway of stone surrounded on the outside not by walls but by grass and trees and it had six stone towers around it. Two were just opening their doors and I remarked, “Look, new rooms I didn’t know we had.” I saw they were selling film (or something like that).

Now the next transformations I don’t exactly recall, but while the shape remained, the center area was now water and the outside was walled and had rocks and greenery like a zoo. In the upper right of the horseshoe was this strange video arcade. I was with Ranier. We had some coins but there were a ton on the floor, and I found a couple large 50 cent pieces which I was astonished by and showed the boys. The games were strange and dirty and somewhat non-digital. A voice came to me describing this gambling game. I felt almost compelled to play. There was a crude thought-form man trying to run the game. If one of his numbers beat one of mine, he got the previous coin I played. Somehow I became really mad at him and was beating him up in this watery stoney pit. He was clearly a thought form at this point — buoyant, reactive but strangely so, dazed and unintelligent-looking.

But being done, I noticed all the animals about — packs of all sorts, including apes and goats. I found myself a vantage point on a raised rocky outcropping among stones at the top of the horseshoe, overlooking the island-dotted area of water in the center. An alarm of some sort went up that was also a great influx of energy, and the animals moved to the outside ring and arranged themselves by kind, and each kind had a king. The goats came towards me, and the goat king set his eye on me. I jumped down from my perch, realizing it was HIS perch, but he still gave me a long painful bite on the hand before releasing me and climbing to the high rock that was his.

I find myself descending on a hang glider (with a floor) into a New York countryside. It was driven by another person and we had a soft landing.

A wild dream at about the 12th hour of sleep. I’m at Blaine House with Ruby and it’s bustling with people. I look out the kitchen window to see this immense airship made of metal girders carrying enormous amounts of building supplies. It stretches from right overhead to beyond the distant horizon. “What? How?” I asked, astonished. The phone rings and I pick up. A person answers my questions, explaining that it’s space folding (a reference to a method of travel from Robotech). It seems to have enough material to build an entire city. I go outside and see that at the far edge of our property there is ALREADY a wooden wall of structures rising up into the sky, blocking the view. I can’t believe it and run to tell Ruby. Then as I turn back, the back yard is filled with wooden frames for housing complexes. They crowd in. I am flabbergasted at the speed of the development but think “at least we won’t be lonely anymore”. Then there’s talk of road access and after turning away and back, a path appears along the edge of the woods to the road. Above, on the deck, Wadsworth celebrates in repulsive excess as I learn that he gained $100 million from the sale of Blaine House.

Later Ruby and Emma and I walk across the road into the churned earth by the ditch and I ask Emma about the money. She gets mad that that’s all I care about.

References: Robotech is an animated sci-fi series.

Recently, a huge thunderclap broke into my dream as an explosion of numbers, letters, and symbols (%!*#) that filled up the visual field. Last night thunder came again and again, each seeming to be a book that I read in its entirety in a flash of light.

Last night I experienced a visual misinterpretation — looking through the window, vaguely at the storm, I saw the tree outside. But some of the leaves seemed to practically glow they were so bright. Were they lit by some car light from below? I wondered. I thought several moments, and then, waking more, realized that what I thought were bright leaves was the bright morning sky shining through the leaves.

The patterns on the covers we sleep under have proven to be great stimulus for these kinds of visions, too.

Image credit to Google Maps

In a dream last week I found myself in the near realm outside the apartment. There was a lot of interaction with neighbors, though I’ve forgotten most of it. At one point I was straightening this bent street light support cable cover. There were three — two covers were yellow, and one was white.

Upon waking I looked out the window and saw the plastic coverings on the cables. By the amber light of the street light, one appeared white and two yellow, like in the dream. But by daylight, they appear as two different shades of yellow. We must see physical light when in the near realm, unless memory is the reason I saw it this way. But if I recall, nothing else was colored in that orange light.

It was night. I entered the monstrous mechanical auditorium and went to the left. Here I saw the ultimate power-up ammo for my rocket launcher. I jump to it and cry out “Revolution!” I leap up into the air with incredible power. Time slows down as I shoot a shape/symbol at each “teacher” in the place who was after me and my thoughts. I was a rampant force, unstoppable, uncatchable, always on the move. My being expanded, smeared across time, and I landed on the table in the middle.

I turned my attention to the prisoners. Ani DeFranco was somewhere among them, perfect, beautiful. She was called Ani Cross now. I climbed this tower of prisoners, each encased in a postcard-type thing, and asked where she was. One helped me. I found her and asked what I could get her to eat. Anything she asked for, I would get. She blew me off as another suitor, but I wouldn’t flag. I followed her and spoke with her again and again until she was on my side, till she knew me. I had a girlfriend now but would lose her in a moment for Ani. . . . White, diminutive aliens were among the prisoners, disguised as humans for ten years. They’d been watching me and they said that glorious things came from my head. There was a formula or small device that was central to their people. They called on it, took it into their egg-shaped ship, and flew off.

The complex was huge. I returned with some others to the auditorium and there were reenactments of my earlier “enlightenment”. But I called forward to the air and radiated enormous power, reducing the contents of the room to a flowing stream of light, pushing the floor down until a sphere of energy was established.

Then I began the changes outside. A tiger attempted to jump the wire fence. It was difficult to stop her. I wanted to, but her mate was calling her from outside. Eventually she made it and I let her go, hoping she’d be okay in the land between cities.

Overall, this place was high in the caves, the gray area above us, the crossroads.

I was awoken from dreams by this loud alarm-like sound being made by the freezer, and can’t resist writing down what I remember.

I was a character, not quite me, running over rocks along a beautiful river in a summery area with mountains on either side. I was being chased by dogs. The dogs were 100% thought forms, rubbery and cheating gravity as they came after me. I had created them earlier just as an experiment. Could they catch me? But the more I watched them, the more I could believe them, and a sense of urgency prevailed.

I ran into this large open cave with river water pooling in it. While it was a perfectly real cave, looking back I know with certainty that it was the Dream Station. This has been my new recurring dream place for quite some time, though it is more of a feeling and a shape than one specific place. To hide from the dogs, I considered jumping down into the water to grab two giant turtles and swim with them, or I could go into this black area. But I realized doing this would significantly “change things”. The Dream Station connects to the underworld (or the physical world), I believe. There is a straight vertical shaft between it and a more dark and solid place, and it may be related to my 4 AM underworld journeys. The time was almost exactly 4 AM when I awoke.

So it was at this point in the dream that I hear the alarm from the physical side. Suddenly I am no longer in the action, but outside the cave discussing the sound with a friend. I am now the storyteller, aware of both worlds, wondering if it’s a car alarm, or if it’s coming from the neighbor’s apartment. I even remembered that it had happened earlier in the night and stopped. So I decided to wait it out and push back to the dream side. I thought about how to attribute the sound in the dream. “Ah, I’ll attribute it to a search ray, operated by the dog-keeper to find me.” It worked — I was back in the character of the dream. But this was scary. I tried to bury myself in the soft, light sand, but the queen had found me.

I awoke to fix the fridge now since it wasn’t stopping.

The Dream Station is the concrete-like building in last year’s “Building The Atlanta Tower” dream. It’s related to the Smooth Caves, too.

Amazing, this storyteller, knowing two worlds and more, and this blind actor that believes everything it says.

Awake: Tonight had been our first party at our new house and it had went well. I’d been drinking and so was wild into dreams. These were two of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever had.

Buttercup, I, and two friends were flying together over a huge beautiful park that I recognized. It had a river with tall spires of rock, huge rolling grassy hills, and an overlook. There was a busy commercial area in the center and a building with a long winding outdoor walkway. We landed and walked down it. It was packed with people. We saw a beautiful small open garden area on one side and walked into it, raising our arms and dancing about. Someone there said it was $9 apiece to be in there. I was shocked, but danced about some more, then left. The others came, too. Across the hall and down a bit there was another beautiful natural place and we went in to admire and play in the beauty. Again, $9. I left. The others stayed. They received a jellied cracker on a napkin and coffee drinks. I remained in the hall, watching people.

I returned after a bit and Buttercup smiled, and said I must be having quite the time watching people moving their coffee cups to their mouths addictively, unthinkingly, in the cafe across the hall. Truth is, I wasn’t watching that specifically, but had noticed it. Buttercup had ordered me a jellied cracker for $9 and I went to the stewardess of the garden and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t pay $9 for this, or allow my wife to do so for me.” “Fine!” she said, and asked me to scrape the jelly off the plate. I started to, but then saw how foolish it was and stopped. I left and wandered about some more. I entered a room with a rave-like party and saw Ranier and spoke to him briefly . . . and then might have awoken a bit.

I found myself at our lovely new house. I opened the back door and stepped out into this dense, thick-smelling primeval nature world. The plants and insects were huge and felt ancient. Two brightly colored butterflies flew together in front of me and locked into a mating position. Then, suddenly, a dragonfly, as big as my arm and buzzing loudly, flew in and snatched them. It was a vague notion of a dragonfly — probably a rationalization. I was saddened, but in a moment it was caught in a table-sized spider web. A third butterfly jumped from the union. “Oh, I didn’t see that one before,” I thought, “It must have been directly behind the other two.” Then others began to fall from the union. I thought they were dead at first, but they took flight as they fell. There were more and more — a brilliant cascade of color. And from this proceeded a creative frenzy, directly from the soul, the lava warp, the face of god, the gateway to the infinite. As to exact things, my memory fails me, but I was in ecstasy, playing in this field of explosive creation.

So I ended up somehow with Kayla, at the college where we meet. We were talking and she jumped up and took my hand suddenly, and we were running down a path at night, familiar as anything, around a curve, woods on all sides, down a lane, and to this open place under the bushes. The intent was for some privacy, and she informed me as we ran that we were going to see Anne. . . . Brockovich. It turned out to be Anne from Y.O.U. and a new boyfriend. I told her of the name mix-up and we laughed. I spoke with Anne’s blond, big-haired boyfriend who, with wide eyes, told me something.

I believe it was the cause of what happened next. We were playing in a long indoor canal of water, riding on wedge-shaped water gliders. I rode on an inner tube and found myself able to go just as fast as the water gliders (speed 5!) and even pull them. This was just off the corridor we had been in before.

I’m not sure where this fits in, but it’s before the water races I believe. I walked out into an open field at an elementary school setting. The details are unclear, but I had a blue super ball. I threw it, and when it landed, there were two, of different colors. A child joined me. As we played, creation came bursting from every point. Soon there were wobbly-edged coconut-sized balls that would break open and solidify, releasing some toy or treat. Kids from everywhere came running out to play. I caught one of the balls, cracked it open, only to find it filled with super balls of every size, color and texture. I gave it to a kid after grabbing handfuls of balls and began to bounce them everywhere. More came down than went up. It was blissful, ecstatic play.

Earlier on, I half awoke in bed, 100% convinced that I was downstairs sleeping on the couch, and wondering how I got there. It took over a minute to realize I was in bed — that there was no TV where the TV should be. But for that whole minute I was dreamily looking at my bedroom, maintaining that it was the living room downstairs even though it looked nothing like it.

References: Anne Brockovich is an environmental activist. Y.O.U. is a youth group I went to.

What vivid dreams! After a night of drinking, it’s always like that.

Earlier on, I dreamed of being near the hill with the Tower. It’s dark, and I’m living in a house in a caul de sac with Brendan, Luke, Kai, and Brandon’s friend Gary. I drive home from somewhere and as I do, I see Luke, Kai, and Gary outside their house “shooting” at me. It’s more like flashes of light, though. Harmless. But I get mad and get a wild idea to get revenge. I drive as fast as I can into the front door and smash through it. The car begins floating and I slam it forward into Kai and Gary multiple times. Suddenly feeling bad, I start apologizing. I start to panic about hospital costs but then it dawns on me that it’s a dream, and I think “What a way to teach them to respect me — no financial burdens. They’re scared but don’t die.” What an awful thought! They wander back in and I hug them and apologize.

Image credit to FigureFan Zero

Later I’m in this big bright enclosed glass area. It feels like a rave or party on a cruise ship. I discover this Galvatron transformer in gun mode that shoots a viscous purple gel at people that makes them freeze, fall to the floor, and experience ecstatic emotions. So I go around the party squirting people, and I become quite popular. At one point I hide the gun and instead I find two tickets in my hand. One says to go to BP #800,000 and claim the Galvatron with this ticket. Well that particular BP turns out to be right there in the party area. I see a flash of purple up in a storage area like it’s beaming in. There is someone else at the counter asking for the Galvatron transformer but I show my ticket and get it.

References: Galvatron is a transformer that transforms into a purple laser canon. BP is a gas station chain.

I’m with Manville in a supermarket, but it’s not really Manville. I am desperately trying to win friends to my cause. “This is a dream,” I say. “If I can make things appear, will you believe me?” He seems doubtful but agrees. I hold out my hand. A stripe of yellow with brown splotches appears, then a banana takes shape. First it’s short and pickle-like, then it elongates. Then Manville challenges me to create his kitchen. “It has to be something I can picture,” I say, “but maybe I can read it from your mind. In fact, I know I’m capable, I’ve just never done it before. Let’s try.” I hold my palm up by his head and close my eyes, focusing on projecting into an open area of the grocery store. The images are unclear, dark. For a moment he sees something familiar. Then it shifts, switches. I give up on it.

There’s a city. It’s “San Francisco” in my mind but a smallish metro area in reality. My house in the dream lies further away beyond some woods, separated from the town by residential streets. There are great gullies and ravines below the roads, filled with trees and shrubs, so that the roads form bridges. We called the areas under them the underworld or dark lands. Beneath that was a large corporation called the Golden Rhino, a reference to a gang in a video game I’d been playing. Forces were set up against me here. I kept going down into the lower areas and kept being turned back by people. They purposefully did all they could to make me lose my way.

I’m at a neighbor’s house, asking questions. The sky quickly gets dark, and I end the conversation and run to my house. I mean to enter my house, but instead enter a red SUV in the driveway. A tornado comes suddenly overhead and picks up the car, whirling it about in different directions. I brace myself as it pulls the car through the woods towards the city. The windshield breaks. I hold on tightly, hoping I’m not killed. Yet I also know that this is part of the puzzle, that this tornado was sent to pull me off-track, to distract and confuse me, and deposit me in the city, like before. It does.

The tornado drops me in “San Francisco,” with one of the guards watching over me. It’s a stiff, upright, floating figure with a dark reddish semi-transparent aura. I briefly stop in a bar, then continue my journey back to my house. In some places, cracks at the side of the road reveal the underworld beneath. I wonder what the city was built upon. I feel that some old mystery lies in the brush and forest beneath, something as old as the dinosaurs.

Finding Manville, Ruby, and Raven, I jump in a car with them and drive down a ravine under a road. Soon we find an opening in a rough rocky cliff and leave the car rolled onto its side on a ledge outside. “If I didn’t know this was a dream, imagine the distraction of this!” I thought, imagining the implications of physically reacting to this scene (surely a dream of car accident, rescue, and the financial implications of a car wreck — in short, a stupid dream, a physical expectation dream). But we leave it, walk into the inclining cave to find two rigid, distracting members of Golden Rhino, who hand us very interesting print-outs of waking-life topics. I call out their game in front of my friends. “They distract us and confuse and trick us in any way they can to keep us out, to keep us from knowing.”

Wow, this was a truly unique dream.

I was on a sailing ship in a huge Olympic race with maybe 30-40 other ships. They varied like nothing you’ve seen. The one I started out on was a white sailboat. The captain had a gun that would split the sail and allow a rainbowed centerpiece to come down and make it wider. The sea was very calm, however, and there was no wind. Soon there was a huge gap between the ships ahead, the ship I was on, and the ships behind us. The sky was brilliant blue and red. I suggested that we should have brought fishing lines so we could catch a ride from a sting ray or marlin. Little fluffy clouds were to the port side and ahead. I wished I had studied more about what winds could be discerned by cloud patterns. We decided to paddle with our hands and made great speed. We caught up to the larger, faster ships, and I transferred to an orange catamaran.

The deck was 50 feet above the water. Two huge orange wings sloped down and into the water, making it a sort of alien catamaran. The sails were enormous. The deck was the same orange patterned material, and there were 30-40 people aboard. I noticed a lot of people smoking cigarettes on the lower rear deck, and there was an accusation from one of the other ships that we were moving on cigarette power alone.

The second part of the race was a wild ride upstream on this river. It was narrow and fast and had bridges overhead. Only the smaller, motorized boats made it up this part, and often bits of their decor would get knocked off on the low bridges. The larger ships stayed behind in the bay. I now rode upon a junky motorboat which was more like a van in shape (they all were) with two flamboyantly gay men at the wheel. A boat that was too large got jammed between a bridge and the bottom and others had to get around it. The water was very fast. The boats were like salmon swimming upstream.

The third part of the triathlon of sorts was a music video to be produced on the ship during the race. Thus all the extravagant designs on the motorboats. Each of the three was scored equally.

I had finished the adventure game (a realtime first person game with others, of course) in the treasure chest and was now back out on the desert sands. I had three objects with me. Two were long like swords (but I forget what exactly) and the third was a round fuzzy thing like my stuffed owl J’buzhibu. I gathered together some dried leaves I had, set the fuzzy thing upon them, and prepared to set it on fire.

Then there’s an interruption from the waking side — my guess is that it was Isobel, our dog, because when I returned to the dream moments later it is no longer a fuzzy thing but Isobel’s head! I set about putting my lighter to it, but the thought of the loss of my dog, of burning her head, of Buttercup’s sadness, all this overcame me and I became sad and tried desperately to remember how she had died. It was so sad that I woke up.