Dream Journal

Rebecca, Yvette, Drew, and I were walking up to a car. I noticed I wasn’t wearing any pants, but I was too embarrassed to say anything. We all got in, and I was in the back on the right. Now that we were in the car, I admitted that I had no pants on. Everyone laughed. “Oh, that Ben.” They made plans to swing by our place so I could get pants. But when I looked down again, I was wearing pants. I said “Hey! Look! I’m wearing pants now! It’s because this is a dream!” Everyone turned around and gaped. One of them said, astonished, “It has to be!”

In another scene, Rebecca and I were in a car with Christina, Pops, Steve, Jennifer, and Sarah. We were in a neighborhood right outside a college campus. Steve & Jennifer got out and then a few blocks later, Rebecca got out. I almost went with her but something stopped me and told me to go with her parents. As we departed in the car, Rebecca was standing in the street, waving and beaming love at me and blowing kisses. I felt elated by her love but then noticed that there was a hispanic fellow clinging onto the back corner of the car who was waving back at her, thinking Rebecca was throwing all this love at him. He drops off the car, runs over to her, and puts his arm around her. He starts talking to her. I think “Uh-oh, this is trouble. Since this is a dream, I should be able to lift out of here.” My body is heavy at first but I turn and look and my interest propels me into the air. I’m more curious than anything to see what such a misunderstanding will develop into. I’m now watching at about rooftop level. The guy seems to be totally in control. Rebecca’s just following his lead. A few hispanic friends join up and they set up a picture with this big fancy camera-contraption across the street. I keep wondering if they’ll see me but they don’t. They go up the walkway and into a house.

I wait a few moments and then follow. I kick the door in and there they all are in bed, lying disheveled under the blankets, dressed and half asleep. Rebecca is half off the bed. I grab her hand angrily and pull her out of there. We storm down the block. I say “So it’s okay when one of us is away to sleep with whomever we please? Is that how it is?” and Rebecca said “It’s very important to have physical contact.” I said “So you just crawl into bed with these guys?” We argued and then paused. When we started arguing again, she ran off and I followed her. We ended up in a small empty warehouse. I asked if she had sex with them (which was impossible since I followed them right in, and also something I hadn’t been concerned about earlier). Betrayed by her memory, she said “yes”. There was a blue picture book on the ground beside me now and I picked it up. “I just want to know,” I said. I opened the book and saw some of the strangest sexual art. I very nearly was so absorbed by the quality of line and incredible black and white images that I dropped all my anger. I looked up at Rebecca’s guilty face and started crying deep sobs. She started crying, too, and came over and hugged me. We held each other for a time. Our emotions released, we walked together as friends towards campus.

Rebecca picked up the campus paper and held it up in front of my face. “Mushrooms!” seemed to be the title and the headlines were about some old mean lady trying to regain control of campus, with a picture of a stern old matriarch on the steps of a building. Rebecca grabbed my hand and dragged me into a classroom. I hesitated, saying “what are we doing?” She smiled and we took our seats in a class we didn’t belong in. I was a little nervous. Rebecca was thrilled. There was a device on each person’s desk, like a sleek white speaker with a few attachments. That was our computer. There was about to be a presentation but this lady was taking tickets and we didn’t have any, so we had to leave. Or maybe it was just I that had to leave? Because in the next scene. . . . Rebecca was at class and I went to this concert. There were some bands playing and I got a seat near the middle in front. The Monkees came out dressed in white, did this short dance and even shorter song, then left. Then this guy came out and threw wigs into the audience. I got a yellow one. Then he threw lots of other things, including a lot of Monkees fantasy cards. I grabbed some to give to Rebecca later. I got up to do something, and since I didn’t want to fight my way back to my seat, I left.

I was walking along a road. I saw this girl get hit by a car. She seemed to maybe see it coming but only partly hesitated, then kept walking. She tumbled over and over. I ran to call an ambulance but stopped and turned and went back to make sure she needed it. The truck drivers were helping her but when she saw me she really took to me. “You were gonna ignore me but you came back,” she said. “No, I went to call an ambulance, but came back to see if you were okay first.”

She took my hand and we walked along and went to a soda shop place. She hungrily took this brownie out of this container of oil. Ew! She smiled at me with bright eyes and I seemed to know her name was Brooke. I imagined what it’d be like if we were friends for a while. Would Rebecca allow it? Brooke and I walked back to my apartment. We stopped right outside the door. Rebecca was still at class. I told Brooke about Rebecca and she said, “so if I asked you to come back to my room . . . ” and this image of sex flashed in my mind. I leaned back and looked at her, then leaned in for a kiss, but then leaned away, saying “nooo, I couldn’t”.

Then I turned around and Rebecca was coming home, looking me angrily. I followed her inside and she was really mad, thinking something was up. I explained to her what was going on. We were sitting on this big fluffy bed in a dorm-sized room. I said “Anyways, this is only a dream,” and she seemed to understand. I got out the dresses and the cards from the Monkees show and gave them to her. She loved them and said I picked out great dresses.

From time to time I’d experiment with the lucidity — feelings of lightness and rushes of energy, occasional floating and flying.