Dream Journal

Context: It was a work day. The night before, I had more tramadol than usual, but it should have worn off long ago, plus methocarbamol muscle relaxants before bed. This is in the time of Covid-19.

I just had a peak experience.

I found myself walking through a neighborhood with sidewalks and lots of green grass. Somehow I happened upon three young women. There was nothing overly special or attractive about their appearance. We were talking, playing, joking, laughing, smiling, feeling natural. They were headed to a dance club. One of them, I learned, was Jess En. I’d heard of her (in dreams) before, in glowing terms, from Rebecca, I believe. Like, I had to meet her, she was amazing. We arrived at the club. It was built with wood inside — wood tables and chairs, a wood structure. It was busy, but we walked up to a table.

Jess was going to perform “stand-up”. I asked some questions about it. I wanted to try it, I said. I was joking, but the moment she went in, I swirled in behind her. If there was a stage, I didn’t see it. She burst into the main room, carrying so much energy and charisma with her, and I don’t even know what she did, but where she went, magic followed — pure revelry. Music, singing, rhythm, dancing, colors. I was IN. I only spent the smallest time observing before I was singing, full-voiced, dancing wildly. I spun back to our table at one point. A black woman in colorful clothing and makeup came over to me and began to decorate me. Pink eyeshadow on the left, green on the right. I allowed her. Jess En spun around back to me. She gave me personal attention, met my eyes. I was in awe. My smile was absolutely full. I beamed at her. We had a personal connection. She was interested in me, and I her. She drew me out into the revel again. From what I could tell, participation was total. Everyone was in their full expression as they creatively added to the music and dancing. Everyone was drenched in color, from colorful clothing to colors on the face and skin like Holi colors. And from time to time, Jess En would return to me, smile that endless smile, hold my hands, talk to me, connect personally, and spin me back into the revel. I had a feeling that she had that connection with everyone there.

After some time, we left, and walked outside. I had this feeling that I had to return to work before too long. I decided to wear my revel clothing and makeup. But then I remembered that Travis had given me the afternoon and then a few days off. So I happily stayed with Jess En and her friends longer.

She started a revel at another location — in a hallway underground, that seemed for utility, but before long it was the most incredible celebration you ever saw. It’s like the moment she was ready, she’d just begin, with a full-voiced, full-energy word or song as she moved fearlessly among the people, and she’d grab their attention and quickly raise the whole energy of the place until everyone was a part of it. And as before, she’d return to me, making me feel special to her, a growing personal connection, and my desire to spin out and express myself fully would overcome me and off I’d go.

And then we were at a new place. It was backstage with this huge stage before us, and smaller ones elsewhere, and she was ready to go out onto the stage, a lead character, and she grabbed my hand and said “ready?” I wasn’t, but of course I went with her, and I didn’t know what to do but dance as the music washed through me, and she and I danced across the stage, and I realized likely no one was watching — the stages were all full, all were 100% into the revel. There were no lines to say, no specific part to play — only pure self expression, release into the shared experience.

And then a question, and an answer. We shrink down, enter a hole low to the ground, and the revel begins among rhino beetles, undiminished in any way. As we depart I see her symbol, a stage curtain, wrapped in a rope around the middle, rhino beetles dancing or dangling from above.

I had to write it down. I’m returning to bed, hoping to see Jess En again.

References: Jess En isn't someone I know in waking life.