Dream Journal

I dreamed that it was final exam time in my classes. In one that might have been history, I had a big project planned. I had made baked-clay houses, land, people and horses and painted most of them. I was nervous about being in front of the class and took a Percoset to mellow. I thought back to my last exam and how at the end I’d lost my fear and smiled and really got into it. I wanted to start out like that this time.

I went to the front and the lights dimmed. A spotlight was on me and I set it up and began talking and play-acting the figures. After maybe 10 minutes I fell into this kind of trance and began telling a story with great spirit. Now, in the trance, I was expressive and the story flowed through me. The whole class was gaping, leaning forward, way into it. Soon it was very rowdy. I had them. Chris W was in the audience, smiling and laughing like in elementary school. Everyone was drinking beer now, shouting out “yeah!” and having a good time. It seemed to last over an hour. Then the teacher turned on the light and class was over. He told me how horrible it was and that I had failed. I felt sad and said “But do you see the victory here? I’ve overcome my fear of speaking. I made them love my story.” It was no use. I either failed or got a D.

The final in my next class was outside and I had brought my computer as a tool but began talking and never used it. My teacher was so loving the presentation, so emotionally moved. I saw his reaction and broke down crying, relieved after the frustration from my previous final. They all loved me. I certainly got an A and felt like I had found my place.