Dream Journal

Rebecca was going away for the day and I decided to kill myself. I’m standing on the street and put a gun to my head and shoot! Then I concentrate and say “5, less blood to see, 4, less blood to see, 3, 2, 1” and I look from a third person perspective and see myself standing there. There’s no blood, but I’m pale. Then I go back into my body perspective and think that Rebecca would probably have preferred to be there when I died than find me later. Since I found I was not actually dead yet, I assume death is on the way. I begin to wander.

My consciousness is changing. It gets clearer and clearer and I feel almost exactly like I’m on LSD. There’s this swirling energy in my head which lights up and clarifies the visual field wherever it’s at, leaving the places without it darker and blurrier. It would flow along the edges of things like doors and enter objects. There were multiple swirls at any given time.

At one point I felt the wound with my hand and my flesh seemed to be intact but there was a little indent the size of a BB in the skull near my right eyebrow, along with a dull pain.

After some wandering, I awoke. It was 5:20 AM — a perfect time for lucid dream experiments! I practiced MILD and then went through the counting: “1, this is a dream, 2 this is. . . . ” I was conscious when the paralysis began coming on but I kept being disturbed by jolts and strange physical sensations. When I got past them, this intense active energy filled me. I felt like something was about to happen. I kept pulling back, feeling that if I didn’t, I’d float away or expand to infinity. I even felt a sleep twitch and a straightening of my spine. So close! A well-done experiment!

References: MILD (mnemonic induction of lucid dreams) refers to a lucid dreaming technique.