Dream Journal
July 14, 1997
I ended up somewhere I recognized as the vicinity of where Bethany hangs out in dreamland so I decided to visit. She, two friends, and her dad were sitting on chairs next to a wall in what seemed like a transport station. At first I couldn’t tell which one was her but then one became clear. She seemed emotional as if tears were nearby and she looked intensely at me for a moment before turning away and returning her focus to her father. He was very thin and very tall. He’d gone senile and was staring vacantly at times, at others losing so much of the conversation that he would yell at her for making fun of him or accusing her of talking crazy to drive him insane.
Then I think I left for a nearby mall where I found a video arcade and played laser tag.
Ever-Visiting: I haven’t included the endless dreams where I visit Bethany. She was my first love, but it was a long-distance relationship, on and off for a few years in high school and at SSU before it ended painfully. The dream visits are never that great, often awkward and unsatisfying like this one. They’ve trailed off over the years. Once I got to Oberlin, I rarely thought of her, so it’s not due to any fresh waking attention. Yet in dreams, I keep visiting.
The same applied to Chrissie, my girlfriend at the end of high school. Those visits went better, often friendly at least. But I avoided them sometimes, too.