Dream Journal
Spring Break, 1997
This was all about Oberlin, but mixed with the area north of Radisson Road. Home? Anyways, I’m with Rebecca at a party and come back early. Joshua and Caroline had just finished “doing it” in our room and Joshua went downstairs to bed. Caroline was still in my bed. We talked friendly-like, then she said “Aren’t you going to keep me warm?” So I leaned over against her but then there was kissing. Caroline’s twin and Bessa, both roommates of Caroline in this dream, walked by outside, saw us, and were horrified. Suddenly I realized what was happening. Caroline soon left and I was desperately preparing for Rebecca’s return. Was this real? Was it a dream? I was convinced that some of it had to be a dream, but I felt I was lying to myself. I found Rebecca and had a happy reunion but my mind wouldn’t let me enjoy it. Guilt was eating me up.
I wandered out to the north of Radisson and saw Caroline in the back of a bus. Rebecca was nice to Caroline and I watched, detached. Then Rebecca and I returned to our room and she threw me down kissing me but I prevented myself from enjoying it. Soon I tried to escape into an advanced Quake game Joshua left on my computer (with his monitor). It was horrible — I was deep in the catacombs fighting against this huge nasty monster. Finally I put an end to it, didn’t care if I won (new mindset!) and got back to the dream. Rebecca’s sister, living downstairs, came to tell on me and I got even more into trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. I awoke and realized it was a dream. THANK GOD!
References: Radisson Road is just north of Blaine House.
Gateways into Fantasy: Here is another great example of going into a gateway, and then returning through it. The reason this time was that I was trying to escape my guilty feelings. In dreams going into a gateway can be an escape just like reading a book or playing a video game in waking life is.
Love and Guilt: There are times when I find myself in an amorous situation with someone that’s not my wife/girlfriend in a dream. If my waking self is aware and thinks this is physically happening, then I recognize this as cheating, which turns the dream into a story of guilt and regret like this one.
On the other hand, if I’m aware that it’s a dream, I can just enjoy it, knowing it’s not something that will affect my waking life. I’ve given myself permission to engage in amorous encounters in the dream state.
Mistaken Identity: This took place during spring break in college, so it’s likely a social dream back in Banana House, where we lived, and not a rote.
Caroline doesn’t actually have a twin, so the fact that another copy of her walked by outside the room means that at least one of them was a thought form. If it really was Caroline in the bedroom, then she easily could have mistaken me for Joshua simply by expecting his return. And nonlucidity could have caused me to follow the normal behavior of kissing a girl who I’m next to in bed.